When You Don't Miss Church But Do Miss Jesus

Linking up at 5 Minute Friday where we all write for 5 minutes in a community on our prompt.  Today we're writing on MISS.  What do you miss?

Miss - what do I miss? I miss church. But not all of it. I don't miss the angst and the work and the stress of getting there with two little people, travelling 40 minutes to and from, and getting home after lunch on a Sunday, a day which is supposed to be a day of rest and turns out to be more exhausting than most of my other days. I don't miss going to church alone, consistently, without my husband and dealing with my children in that setting, alone, nor the stress of the perception of women who go to church alone.

I don't miss the hours put into making Sunday School meaningful for children from 2 through to 10, who aren't really that keen. I don't miss the shallowness of relationships, when really all I wanted was to sit down and have a decent, meaningful conversation with someone over a cup of tea, on any day, in any place, not just because it's Sunday and we happen to be in the same building on the same day of the week.

I miss worshipping God with people I know and care about, but I don't miss the hassle of trying to get a toddler to be quiet so that I can concentrate in worship and so that other people aren't put out.

I miss morning tea and connections, but I don't miss the frustration of not being able to go deeper because people don't have time or don't get who I am, of not being able to share deeply because it's not a private setting. I don't miss the in-house gossip, but I do miss belonging to a small group, however dysfunctional it might have been.

  So I miss church - but in missing church, I have found some deeper connections with people, and I have found out things about myself and church - what it should be, what I should be, and what we all shouldn't be and do. I don't miss 'playing church' but I am still missing what church should be about - in fact, sometimes I don't really have a clue. I have grown up in church, been there since I was seven years old, so over 40 years in church, and I still am missing the point of what church should really look like, both corporately and individually.

So, this year, I will keep looking and reading and seeking God about what HE thinks church should be, and I will keep connecting with His people wherever and whenever and however He asks me to, and I will keep missing out on some things until He says it's time to go back, consistently and to be committed to a particular group in a particular place at a particular time. So, I miss church but this season of missing something is allowing me to find what and more importantly, who I have missed and not recognised for a very long time in church - Jesus. And I've missed Him.