It's very frustrating when you're wide awake at 2.30am and can't go back to sleep. I was wondering why and remembered that I had pizza for dinner and ginger tea late in the day. Both of those are enough to kick my metabolism into gear at 2.30am. Oh well, we live and learn, don't we?
Or do we?
Do we learn from what we've lived? I guess that's a choice we have to make. We don't always get to choose where or how we live in our early life but as we get older we do or at least we should. As we get older, we also get to choose how we see the past and how we move forward.
For the past few days, I've been feeling incredibly frustrated at the lack of forward movement in the healing process the Lord has had me on. It's felt like a very difficult climb uphill, and I was sorely tempted to quit.
http://lindseyjoyillustration.com/highplaces/u30k0ml8dullhcgc8wq03kw56hdhid
Yesterday, I spent some time with my good friend, Marg, who knows a lot about valleys and the long climb out. I soaked up her wisdom and grace for several hours and left feeling like I could keep climbing.
This journey very much feels like the journey of Much Afraid in Hinds Feet on High Places. Every time you think you're almost 'there', you turn a corner and discover you're in fact a long way from 'there'. And it can be very disheartening.
Trouble was, I was looking far too much at the valley I've been in all my life and the people in the valley who were responsible for much of the early damage.
http://lindseyjoyillustration.com/highplaces/2015/11/14/zrkrddfky8iflt5ykhr59qh4yuyx7d
This morning, after I was awake for a while, the Lord showed me a picture of a valley, and I recognised it as the view from a friend's balcony. They live in hilly country and their property and house has valley views. It's really lovely. So, I saw this view and thought, 'Okay, I'm supposed to pray for my friend and her family' and I did.
But then the picture persisted so I decided to get quiet and listen. And the Lord started to speak to me.
"It's not hopeless, it's just hard. I will lead you through on paths of righteousness. Remember, MY footsteps are your pathway. (Ps 85:13).
You're not where you want to be, but you need to decide to enjoy the journey.
You need to stop rushing because you won't learn what I want you to learn, and you won't grow how I want you to grow.
You need to be grateful for the lessons learned in the hard places and be grateful that you're no longer there.
You need to see it how I see it, from a place of victory, not defeat. My purpose is full redemption.
You need to acknowledge the damage done and let me heal it. Don't ignore it, don't bury it or avoid it because it's too painful, but let me show you how it affects you. But as you see the damage, don't judge and don't become bitter. Keep your eyes on Me.
You need to recognise that the people who caused you great harm in that place, are still there, and are still victims of their own sin. They were then and and are there now because of their choices, but also because of the choices of others.
You want to lead prisoners out of their prisons? Well, the hardest prisoners to lead out are the ones who harmed you personally in the prison. Will you give them the same grace I've given you?
Forgiveness is divine. You can't manufacture it and you can't do it in your own strength. You received it from Me; pass it on, let it flow through you."
Out of the depths I cry to You, Lord; Lord, hear my voice.
Let Your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.
If You, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand?
But with You there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve You.
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with Him is full redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.
Ps 130.
Some great truths in this song:
Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing, let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour, the Hope of nations
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save...............................
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