A COMPANION IN GRIEF

There is no easy way through grief.  I wish there was.  But there isn't. 

Whether it's the slow, unfolding goodbye as someone inches their way towards eternity, or losing a relationship that you know is changing and you can't put right, or realising that you can't lean on someone the way you need to or used to, or a place or situation that will never be the same again........................

Or the sudden grief of losing a baby to miscarriage or stillbirth, of losing a loved one to an accident or sudden illness or suicide, or a relationship that breaks overnight without warning, or the loss of a career or home, or a breakdown that makes it impossible to continue............

However grief comes, it's hard to walk through.  It makes no sense, it upends everything normal, it's disorienting, disruptive and painful.

We all want to avoid it, but we can't.     Some have known a great deal of grief; others not so much.  Some have known obvious, public grief; others have known a hidden, insidious grief.  

However it comes, it's rough and often very lonely.   

It brings with it fear - fear of drowning in it, fear of not being able to cope, fear of the future.

It brings a sense of helplessness, powerlessness, and disbelief - I can't change this or reverse it.  If only I could....................

It also brings guilt - if only I had........................

It brings change, often massive change.

It brings frustration with those who can't help, who don't understand, who want me to move on.  

It reminds me of a time when I almost drowned in a tidal rip on a Queensland beach.    I wasn't alone but those who were with me were not able to save me nor themselves.    We needed outside help to stand on solid ground. 

And that's where grief points me again and again - to outside help, to Someone outside of me who stands on solid ground.   

Of course, I could refuse His help because I'm angry that He's allowed or allowing this loss.   I've done that before now.     And that's a very dark place to be.

I've realised there's so much I don't understand, can't understand, this side of eternity.   I need to trust Him in the midst of my limited understanding and perspective.

If I turn away from Him because of my pain, my anger, my confusion, it doesn't change my reality - it merely magnifies my pain, my loss and my aloneness.

So I will lean into this Man of sorrows who is acquainted with grief and familiar with pain.  (Isa 53:3)

And as I lean in, I discover that He is indeed solid.

Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You,

When my heart is overwhelmed;

Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.   Ps 61:1-2

Because of Him, I'll allow myself to feel again as He carefully holds and heals my pain.   

Somehow, with His help, I'll get back to the shore again, and view the waves from a safe distance.   

And some time in the future, I'll swim again without the fear of drowning in the new normal.  

I've cried my way through this song a few times.

The shelter of Your presence

Where I find the solace

Where I know

I am hidden in a secret place

You're sovereign in the struggle

You're with me through the trials

Still I know

You're the anchor for my soul

This I know

At the whisper of Your name

There is peace I can't explain

I am fearless, I am safe

Here with You, here with you

Every promise that You speak

Every word is life to me

I am breathless, I'm in awe

Here with You, here with You