TOO MANY TO COUNT

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and today's prompt is MANY.

When you come to the end of a very significant and long season, and in many ways a hard season, and you know God is calling you into the next, then you naturally reflect on the past.  

And there are many, many things to assess and measure and wonder about.   Too many to count.  

In fact, there are too many and it can wear you down and wear you out, and keep you imprisoned.

There are many things you've forgotten, that perhaps pop up in your memory quite randomly (is it really random or is it God?).

There are many things that you randomly remember that you wish you could forget (is it really random or is it God?)

I often wonder how Joseph processed all that happened to him before he was promoted to second in the land.   How did he process and measure the many things that happened to him during those many years?    There must have been many instances where he'd been hurt by people - those who should have loved him, and others with whom his life intersected, apparently randomly (is it really random or is it God?). 

After many years, he obviously had gained God's perspective on it, because he says, 

Do not be afraid. Am I in the place of God? As for you, what you intended against me for evil, God intended for good, in order to accomplish a day like this - to preserve the lives of many people.  Genesis 50:19,20

So many times, those things that damage us, done by those closest to us, are merely them cooperating with the enemy.   Are they themselves evil?  Maybe, maybe not.   They're just not surrendered to the Lord, and able to hurt us because they were or are in a place of power and influence in our lives.   

Here Joseph can see that what was meant for evil, whether by his brothers or the enemy of our souls himself, God intended for good, to help many.  I wonder how many times he'd wrestled through it all to get to that healthy perspective, to seeing it how God saw it.   That's really the only healthy perspective, eh, but it sure takes some wrestling and surrender to get that perspective on it, to get to the truth of it all.   

I've wrestled many times to see things from HIS perspective, because then and only then, can I surrender the fear of this next unknown season.   So many times, He has brought me back to these verses.

Do not fret because of evildoers, nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.

For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.

Trust in the Lord, and do good;

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Ps 37:1-4

I can't choose to dwell (peacefully) in the new land, new season, and feed on His faithfulness, if I fundamentally doubt His faithfulness in the past.   And I can't trust in Him if I'm still fretting about the many things that have happened and how those many things have affected me.    Is God ignorant or indifferent to those wounds?  Not at all.  In fact, He seems more interested in my healing than I am, or want to be.   

So, where to from here?   Do I dwell on the many things, the many wounds, the many injustices?  Or do I leave them all with Him - all those memories and wounds and injustices?  Will I follow Him out of that prison, into the new season, the new freedoms and new responsibilities, and lean hard into His faithfulness, or will I try and make my own way?   And when those 'random' memories pop up from the many that I give Him as a package deal, will I feed on them, be ambushed by them, or will I face them square on?   Will I choose to feed instead on His faithfulness, shown to me many, many times, in many, many ways, and move forward with faith?

seyjoyillustration.com/highplaces/2015/11/14/zrkrddfky8iflt5ykhr59qh4yuyx7d

It's a daily, sometimes hourly, challenge, that requires my willingness and His grace and mercy, available new every day, all day.   And every day, sometimes every hour, it requires a recalibration of my perspective into His truth and mercy, a renewed surrender, an intentional renewing of my mind and will.  Every day, it's a choice to remind myself of the many, many times He has been faithful - too many to count.  

Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths.

Lead me in Your truth (Your perspective) and teach me,

For You are the God of my salvation; on You I wait all the day.

Remember, O Lord, Your tender mercies and Your loving-kindnesses,

For they are from of old.

Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions;

According to Your mercy remember me, for Your goodness’ sake, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord; therefore He teaches sinners in the way.

The humble He guides in justice, and the humble He teaches His way.

All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth,

To such as keep His covenant and His testimonies.  Ps 25:4-10

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we've come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You've done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful