I'M BEING REAL ABOUT THIS

My dad passed away suddenly on Wednesday morning.   He hadn’t been well for months so we were kind of expecting it, but it came suddenly in the end.   Next time I’ll write about what I believe the Lord did during those final few days of his life, but for now I need to write about something else.  

People have called and messaged me and asked, ‘How are you?’   I’m actually okay, just at the moment.    Well, actually, I’m numb and perhaps the tears will come later but right now I’m too busy to stop.   The timing isn’t great but then it’s never a convenient time to lose a loved one.   I’m still in the midst of an ongoing legal battle that just isn’t ending even though the end is ‘just over the horizon’, ‘at the end of the tunnel’, ‘any day now’, and has been for over two years.   The emotional roller coaster of that has left me pretty numb and not really keen to process anything else.  

Those who know me well know that my relationship with my father was a difficult one.     I’m not missing Dad today particularly because I lost him many years ago, in terms of relationship.  

About ten years ago, I challenged him about his treatment of Mum and my brothers and myself.  He made it very clear that nothing was going to change and it was ‘my way or the highway’.  I finally got brave enough to choose the highway and risk his rejection.   I wasn’t prepared for the way he rubbished me to anyone who would listen.  Anyone who knew me even a little got dragged into his circle of validation and accusation.    With some people, the lies stuck, but for others who’d been hurt too, they saw through it.  

About four years ago, I challenged him about the various kinds of abuse we all copped from him behind closed doors, over many years.   He acknowledged the sexual abuse, but nothing else, and there was no apology offered, just an acknowledgement that it happened.   He didn’t acknowledge his behaviour towards my mum or my brothers.   That speaks for itself.   Did he not see it or did he just not see that it was wrong?  

So often, we look for and ask for validation or apology from those who hurt us, but we can’t wait for that.   We have to just let that go.  Perhaps that’s what forgiveness is about – letting go of not just the hurt but the need to have them own it.  

My brothers and I were in his room at the nursing home, standing by his bed, several hours after he’d gone, and we were saying that we half expected him to say something harsh to us while we were discussing what needed to be done.   Our minds knew that wasn’t going to happen and yet our hearts were bracing for it, waiting for the next round of criticism and harshly spoken demands.  It’s our hearts that know things because we’ve experienced it.   It’s our hearts that need healing.  

Don’t speak ill of the dead?   Not sure where that came from, but God asks us for truth.   If nothing else, I will be truthful with myself and with the Lord because there is freedom in that.    And He can show me where my heart is out of line.  But I have learnt the hard way that pretending isn't going to lead to healing, so I'm being real about this.  

As for forgiveness, that’s a work in progress.   We make a decision to forgive, and we should, and that’s been an ongoing choice for me.   But oftentimes, at key moments, and I guess this is a key moment, something rises up and we need to choose again and the forgiveness goes deeper.   

But forgiveness doesn’t equal closeness.   Closeness has to be safe, and with Dad it just wasn’t.   I kept a safe distance from Dad because I could not and would not agree to go along with his games and his need for control, particularly of Mum.    They both knew how to drag you into their dramas and use you as an audience, to get their way in a situation.   Distance is the best way to deal with that. 

I knew I couldn’t lean on Dad in any way, or give him any kind of vulnerability because he would exploit it.   So I didn’t.  Our interactions were always about him – how he was, what he needed, what he thought about things.   If he rang, it was always to ask me for something, never to ask how I was or did I need anything.   He remembered birthdays and Christmas – for us, our kids and our grandies.   He was good at that.   But you couldn’t trust yourself to him and really, that’s what there is to miss in a relationship – the closeness, the trust, the leaning on, the leaning in - and that’s been missing for a very long time.  So I’m not grieving like someone who had a good relationship with their dad.   I wish I was, but I can't pretend it was something that it wasn't.  

Dad had a fairly close relationship with my sister-in-law, Dee, and we are very grateful for that because he was actually letting her help him with financial and legal matters and just practical needs.   He leaned heavily on her, but he wouldn’t let us get close to him.   She challenged him about that, but he wouldn’t divulge his reasons.   

I posted his photo and a few words on a local memories page on Facebook, and it was interesting to hear some of the comments from people who’ve known him for years, through the gun club, through work, through family ties. 

A nicer bloke you’d never meet

He was so proud of you all.

He was such a gentleman.

They are hard comments to read but they actually confirm what my brothers and I said the previous day – he was two different people.   We didn’t get the nice bloke, the gentleman, the respectable man.    He never told us he was proud of us or that he loved us.   We got someone very different, as often happens in families.  

But it shouldn’t.    And because it did, we’re struggling with it because we’re not feeling what you should feel when your dad dies. 

A close friend asked me yesterday if I’m grieving and my response was, ‘I’ve been grieving for my father for many years’.  It’s been a slow and invisible grief, one that’s not easily understood by those who had a good relationship with their father.  For years I have grieved and wept for what could have been, what should have been, and I've done that mostly alone, not with the recognition that happens when someone dies.  

I’m trying to find some peace in all of this because I need it, and I need to not layer guilt on top of everything else – guilt that I don’t feel particularly sad and that I’m not grieving like others would, and like some expect me to.

And then I read the words to this song yesterday that my brothers want to play at his funeral.  Dad didn’t want hymns or Bible verses or anything ‘religious’.   Funnily enough, this song helps with the forgiveness because it reminds me that he was a person too.   When we can look beyond what they should have done, we can let it go and leave the outcome with the Lord, and that’s so important.   Perhaps that too is part of the forgiveness – letting go of even the reasonable expectations. 

Oh, before they turn off all the lights
I won't read you your wrongs or your rights
The time has gone
I'll tell you goodnight, close the door
Tell you I love you once more
The time has gone
So here it is

I'm not your son, you're not my father
We're just two grown men saying goodbye
No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you're sleeping I'll try to make you proud
So, daddy, won't you just close your eyes?
Don't be afraid, it's my turn
To chase the monsters away

Oh, well, I'll read a story to you
Only difference is this one is true
The time has gone
I folded your clothes on the chair
I hope you sleep well, don't be scared
The time has gone
So here it is

But for so many parents, especially of my father’s generation, they don’t see that they’re just people.  They see, probably because it was their model too, that they get to have God-like privilege and position, that they get to define their children, shape them, direct them (even well into adulthood), own them, contain them, control them and even abuse them.   That was certainly how Dad saw us – trophies and servants and sometimes objects.   

But God says otherwise about me, and it’s taken me this long to see that I am defined by HIM and not by my earthly father, because he was just a human.   He was shaped by his father and others, instead of letting his heavenly Father shape him and love him and tell him who he was and how much he was valued.   Even as an old man, my father was still fighting with his father, and resisting his heavenly Father because of that.  I’m sure that was behind a lot of his behaviour towards us.   It wasn't God's love that was shining through Dad;  it was his very limited  and conditional 'love'.   

But it’s what WE do from here on that will determine whether we repeat those generational cycles or set our children and grandchildren free to be all that God intends for them.  

My heavenly Father gets to define who I am and He can heal and He has and He does.   But we have to let Him, and give Him all the broken pieces.   He could have healed my father's wounds and perhaps at the end he finally allowed the Father to do that.  

We have to stop looking to the hurtful ones to heal us.  They simply can’t.   Only the Lord can do what is divine.   

Yesterday, the Lord led me to Psalm 45 again.

Listen, O daughter,
Consider and incline your ear;
Forget your own people also, 

and your father’s house;

So the King will greatly desire your beauty;
Because He is your Lord, worship Him.  

Psalm 45:10,11

I will worship the One who should have that worship, and I will love everyone else.  

I will continue to be honest with myself, with Him, and with those who can handle it. 

Mercy and truth have met together;
Righteousness and peace have kissed.  Ps 85:10

I will get my value and my identity and my help from Him, in whatever way He chooses to give it, and through whom He chooses to give it.  

Sing to God, sing praises to His name;
Extol Him who rides on the clouds,
By His name Yah,
And rejoice before Him.

A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows,

Is God in His holy habitation.
God sets the solitary in families;
He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;
But the rebellious dwell in a dry land.  Psalm 68:4-6

 

I run to the Father
I fall into grace
I'm done with the hiding
No reason to wait
My heart needs a surgeon
My soul needs a friend
So I'll run to the Father
Again and again
And again and again
Oh, oh, oh

You saw my condition
Had a plan from the start
Your Son for redemption
The price for my heart
And I don't have a context
For that kind of love
I don't understand
I can't comprehend
All I know is I need You

IF ELEVATORS COULD TALK!!

Written for Five Minute Friday’s prompt word, CAPACITY.

Good morning, Lord.  I’m ready to open up, and take Your people where I think they need to go. I’ll do it with flair and style, and my room is very neat and tidy this morning.  Whatever You want, Lord, I’m here and I’m available.

Well that’s nice Harvey, but remember it’s not about where you want them to go; it’s about where they need to be, what My plans are for them.    And this morning, I have the Scott family for you and they’ll be here soon.

But Lord, they are so stinky and loud and messy!!!   And they want to go up and down, and up and down, and keep me busy all day so I can’t take the stylish people.    Can’t you give them to Shane over there?  He’s not doing anything.    He doesn’t care if Your people are stinky and unkempt.   He’s like that anyway.  He never takes care of his appearance like I do.  What about Johnno?  He could do it.   I should be reserved for the stylish people.   They would appreciate the care I take.    

No, Harvey, there are some things you need to learn, and the Scott family will help you learn them. You said, ‘here and available’, remember. 

Now Johnno, I’m very grateful that you are willing to take on anyone.  This morning, I have an important dignitary for you, and she will need several trips.   She loves the perfume, so try not to sneeze when she gets in.   We don’t want your doors flying open mid journey!!  I want to reserve you for the day, so she can come and go whenever she needs to. 

That is not fair, Lord!!  How come he gets the important person?!?!?  

Harvey, you said ‘whatever You want, Lord’.  I’ve given you the whatever for today.   You still have some things to learn.  Johnno has learnt them well and he is truly available.

And Carrie, I need you to take the football team to their places today, though not all at once.   They’ll be coming in stages. 

But Lord, they’re so heavy and rough.  I don’t think I can manage that.  I’m not strong enough for that.    Please ask someone else.    Bill likes football.  I wouldn’t know how to handle football players.  

No, Carrie, your grace is exactly what they need for their trips.   And remember, it’s not about your strength.  It’s about Mine.   You are the elevator, but I am the structure.  You just do what I have designed you to do.   I’ll hold the load.   Just lean into Me, and we’ll get the job done. 

Now, Hilda, I want you to slow down.  You’re doing too much.   You have a limited capacity, and you need to remember that.  

But Lord, I have to keep busy.  I have to work hard - all day.   I need to earn my place here.   Or I might lose it.  Serving is how I do that.  I have so many people who need me.

Your place here is not earned, Hilda;  it’s given.   By Me.   I just need you to do what I give you to do – no more, no less.  In doing that, you will be healed. 

Listen to Me first, just Me.  And carry My load with the grace I give you.  Rhythms of grace, remember.  

There will be people who want more than that and you have to say to them, ‘Sorry, I can’t do that today.   I have a limited capacity, and I take my orders from Him.   He knows what you need, and He knows what I need.’

But Lord, what if that upsets them?  They need my help.  I don’t want to let them down.  I need to be the strong one for them.    What if they think I’m weak or slack or that I don’t care? 

Let them think what they want, Hilda.   Your value is in Me.   I will direct them to get the help they need, as they need it.   If you do too much, they won’t learn to lean on Me.   But if you keep doing too much, you will break, and be of no help to anyone.    Just stick to the rhythms of grace I show you.   No more, no less.  Listen to Me, learn from Me, for I am gentle.  You do not need to strive for Me.   I have given you a certain capacity.   Stay in the grace I have given you.  Learn to say no when you need to.

https://www.vecteezy.com/vector-art/15369832-luxury-hallway-interior-with-golden-elevator-doors

Susie, I want you to be available for whenever Mrs Todd needs to come and go.  She should be here soon.

But Lord, she’s so fragile and weepy and just so draining!!  She talks so much, and I get overwhelmed.   I don’t know how to handle her or what to say.  And she is so unsure of where she wants to go.   She keeps me coming and going all day, and we both get confused and worn out.

I know, Susie, but she looks to you for strength and stability, and if you could be available for her, I could strengthen her, and you, in the process.   I will enable you.   Don’t look at your lack of capacity.  Look at My unlimited capacity.   I’m here for you too.   As she leans on you, you lean hard into Me.   That’s where My grace kicks in, as you draw on it.  And you will grow and be strengthened as you serve her.  We can carry her together. 

If you say so, Lord.   I will try.  But I’m sure someone else would do it better.   I get tired just thinking about it.  

That’s because you haven’t learnt to lean.   Lean in – hard.   We’ll carry this load together.  My grace is sufficient for you if you will just tap into it. 

Lord, what about me?   How long will I be out of order?  How long do I have to rest and do nothing?   I feel so useless and broken.   I need to feel useful again.

https://www.vecteezy.com/vector-art/15369770-repair-man-and-out-of-order-elevator

 

I know, Shane.   But I have work to do in you before I can let you work again.  If you will let Me do it, your next season will be stronger than anything you have known before.   It’s okay to just be.   You will know yourself and Me in a much deeper way, if you just take the time to heal.  I have much for you to do, but I need you to let Me heal you properly.   If you get back to work too early, you will miss out and so will others.   Remember, your value is not in your service – it’s in Me.   Your place here is secure. There is a time for everything, and this is your time to rest.  

Harvey, what are you wrestling with now?  

Look at Bill over there!!   How come he gets to take so many people at once?  That’s not fair.  You should let me do that.  I’m strong enough.  I’m built for this.   And I could do a much better job.    I can do it!!   I’ll show You!

I know exactly what you can handle, Harvey.  I’m more aware of your capacity than you are. 

I’ve given Bill a special anointing for carrying that kind of load.  I’ve been preparing him for that for a long time.  He’s learned some hard, painful lessons and he’s ready for that.   I’ve stretched him and renovated him and reworked him many times over because he has let Me.  His capacity for that level of service is much greater than yours, even if you both look the same size.  He has let me do the work I needed to do, to increase his capacity.   He knows how to lean in.  And, he doesn’t care who gets in!!   He can handle messy and dirty and loud and smelly - and stylish.   He treats everyone the same.  

You, Harvey, have much more to learn.  Will You let me do what I need to do in your life?  I want to increase your capacity, but you have to let Me do the work in you.   You need a makeover, Harvey. 

Hmph!!  

Okay, everyone, it’s time to get to work for the day.   This is the day that I have made.  Let us rejoice together and be glad in it, as we love and serve and go about our day.  It’s for some music and time to rejoice in our day.  

Remember, lean in, listen to Me, and learn those rhythms of grace that I have for you.

 

This is the day which the Lord has made; Let’s rejoice and be glad in it.    Ps 118:24

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me — watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”  Matt 11:28-30 MSG

 

There's a Light that shines with hope and grace
Fills the sky with new mercy each day
We're alive, let Your Glory pour out Jesus
There's a joy that overwhelms our souls
Cause we know, our God is in control
Overflow, let Your favour pour out, Jesus
This is the day that the Lord has made
We will rejoice and be glad in it

 

 

 

SPARKS MIGHT FLY

When I saw the prompt word, SPARK, from Five Minute Friday, my mind immediately jumped to a song we used to sing when I was a teenager, one of the first I learned to play on the guitar. 

It only takes a spark

To get a fire going…………….     

I was tempted to write about how shared kindness can be a small spark in someone’s life that can grow into something warm and meaningful.  

But this morning, I woke up with a different train of thought and it’s relevant to something the Lord has dealt with me about over the last six months or so.

As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.  Prov 27:17

I’ve heard lots of theories about what this verse actually means, but this is what came to me this morning:   when iron sharpens iron, sparks might fly.

When we are in relationship, conflict is inevitable because we are going to disagree with someone eventually.    If we don’t, something is up.  

Even in marriage, where the two become one, they are still two people who bring different things to that relationship.  Male and female are inherently different, and how they live together harmoniously is something that boggles my mind.  But even there, they need to learn to work through differences of opinion and perspective and make changes and decisions together. 

As adults, we are NOT required to blindly go along with another adult.   Submission is not blind; neither is trust.  And they can’t be.    The only relationship, as adults, where blind trust and obedience is required of us is in our relationship with the Lord.   Children obey; adults submit and it must be informed, careful submission to be healthy.  

In every relationship, there will be times when we disagree.   We’re not required to agree with anyone 100% of the time.   No one has a monopoly on truth this side of heaven.   We all see things from our limited perspective and understanding, and we filter that through our lived experience. 

So, conflict is inevitable.   If we bury disagreement to avoid conflict, that isn’t a healthy relationship.  

Something I’ve realised a lot lately is that very few people know how to disagree with someone they care about in a healthy way.   So many of us have learnt to bury our own thoughts and perspective to keep the peace, avoid a strong reaction, avoid pain, avoid potential rejection or loss of relationship.  And we’ve had to because we had parents or other authority figures who were aggressive or even abusive if you disagreed with them or confronted them about something that was damaging.  

So, how do we disagree without causing harm?   Sparks will fly but how do we prevent a forest fire?   When we disagree with someone, and the decisions they’re making that affect us or those we care about, what is our response? 

From what I’ve seen in my life, and the lives of others, our response is hugely impacted by fear and driven by buried pain, and mental strongholds/lies.   Avoidance is definitely fear-driven.   Attack is also fear-driven, though it may not seem like it.  

That pain and buried emotion and the lies that drive them, are what can turn a small spark of friction into a raging fire that destroys connection and creates havoc, which is what the enemy loves.  

I’ve also seen people put up the walls and pretend everything is fine, or just walk away so they don’t have to feel that pain, or risk rejection.   

None of that is helpful in building and maintaining relationships or working through the issues to a real solution.

Of course, resolution requires both parties to listen and learn and want to sort it out.  If that’s not the case, then walking away is the only option, but it shouldn’t be the first.

Is there a healthier way?

Apparently there is, but it takes at least one person, preferably both, to be secure and mature enough to respond in a healthy way.   That’s what He has been teaching me and doing in me for most of this year.  It has not been a pleasant experience.

This year, I have come away from interactions with some people angry, hurt, confused, frustrated, offended, fed up and convinced they are 100% the problem.   But also, not able to speak to them in a healthy way about it.   It’s been very frustrating.  

So, I’ve pulled back, got quiet, stayed away, wrestled, ranted and raved to a few trusted friends, and tried to ignore the issues and just ‘be happy’.  It doesn’t work.   I just ended up in these negative loops, over and over and over again.   My mental health was suffering.   My physical health was suffering.

There was no resolution until I let Him deal with me and why I couldn’t work through relationship issues in a healthy way.   

Firstly, I needed to recognise that I was filtering what people were doing and not doing, saying and not saying, through old wounds.   That’s the truth of it.   Wounds from my childhood, from previous church relationships, from my dysfunctional marriage were all creating sparks.  That’s hard to accept when you’re busy being angry with the other person.   I’m currently working through the book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, with a friend, and one of the main tenets of that book is that we have to stop ignoring our emotions or dismissing them as ‘bad’.   We have to own our emotions, and get honest about what we’re feeling, so we can deal with it properly and stop burying and re-burying the pain of past wounds every time we’re sparked by someone who has sharpened us in some way.  

So, I’ve been learning to do that.   Every time an interaction would make me angry or confused or even cynical, I would journal and say to the Lord, ‘What is my problem?!?!?’   And if I got quiet long enough, He would show me.   I did that for months.   It is not easy to let the Lord uncover the wounds that keep you sparking in relationships.    He has healed a lot and we’re not done, but I’m learning to run to Him with the pain instead of burying it or blaming.   My journal makes for rather interesting reading.  

Secondly, I had to face why I couldn’t disagree with someone in relationship or challenge behaviour that’s hurtful.

Back in July, we had a Healing Wounded Hearts day at our church, run by Peter and Katie Dunstan, who wrote the book of the same name.   Katie was asking us to have the Lord remind us of a time in the past that created a wound.   It wasn’t imagination, it wasn’t mystical, just real memories of real pain.   We had to write it down and ask the Lord why it bothered us.

I remembered back to a time when I was about 15, sitting on the front porch of our very old house, and writing a letter to my mother, who was inside, because I couldn’t talk to her, because of past aggression, physical and verbal.    So I pleaded with her, in the letter, could we just talk to each other so we could sort out why we weren’t getting along.   I can look back now and realise what else was going on for her (so much abuse and dysfunction and pain) but back then, I just wanted to sort out the conflict.   When she opened that letter, she absolutely did her block.    Tore it into little pieces, threw it around and came at me, again, ready to strike, held back only by remembering that Dad was around somewhere.  She was terrified of him.    I learnt that day that it wasn’t safe to bring up issues in a relationship in a rational conversation.  What I didn’t realise was how much that lie and stronghold would paralyse me for decades afterward.   Now I understood why bringing up an issue in a current relationship feels terrifying and pointless.   The Lord started the healing process on that day, and continued it for days afterward.

Thirdly, I had to recognise what kind of relationship I was in with the people that were causing sparks the most, and be grateful for what they could offer me in that, not constantly wanting more.   More would be nice, but everyone has their limits, for all sorts of reasons.   Something that victims of childhood abuse and neglect often do is expect perfect from the other person and get pretty mad when it’s not forthcoming.   Perfect isn’t possible this side of heaven.  Perfect is found only in Him, and we have to get good at going to Him for our needs first, otherwise we are going to be constantly hurt and disappointed.   We also need to recognise the kind of relationship we have with people and what we can reasonably expect.   We often want more than they are able to give, or even willing to give, or should have to give.  We have to be realistic about these things.   If they’re making promises and not keeping them, that needs sorting, but if it’s just because we’re asking them to fill a God-shaped hole, then the problem is ours.   When we have unhealed childhood wounds, no person can fill that hole or heal that wound and they honestly feel very drained if we’re expecting that from them.   We have to get honest with ourselves and with Him about our need, and get healed.   He’s more than ready to do that.  

There were other things that He showed me and dealt with but they can’t be shared in a blog post.  

Are there still problems – yes?   A lot of my pain was coming from old wounds, but some of it was actually because the other person was hurting me, albeit unintentionally.   Intentional or not, pain is real.    And I am praying about how and when to bring those issues up – gotta be God’s timing on that.   

But I am not doing loops in my head every day.  I am not constantly getting offended and fed up.   I am not constantly feeling raw and empty.    And when I do, I just go and ask Him what’s going on and ask Him to fill the holes.    I’m very grateful for the peace and the freedom in that.  

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.   1 Peter 5:5-7

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on HIS faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord……………………   Ps 37:3,4

I am the Lord your God,
Who brought you out of the land of Egypt;
Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.  Ps 81:10

 

Will we make room for the Lord to heal us and fill us?  

 

Here is where I lay it down
Every burden, every crown
This is my surrender
This is my surrender
Here is where I lay it down
Every lie and every doubt
This is my surrender

And I will make room for You
To do whatever You want to
To do whatever You want to
I will make room for You
To do whatever You want to
To do whatever You want to, oh

 

CAN WE LOOK BEYOND CHARLIE - TO HIM?

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is AFFECTION.   

I’ve been mulling over the word affection all week and wondering which direction to take with it and not feeling particularly inspired by any of it, to be honest.

But then, this morning, I read this by Nate Johnston, which was part of a longer post that he has put up in response to Charlie Kirk’s death and amazing memorial service, which apparently reached over 100 million people. 

“Lastly, you can’t just go back to life as you knew it.  Your appetite has changed.  Your affections have changed.  You can clearly see what you shouldn’t be doing any more and what is pointless Christian activity.   Leave it behind.”

There’s so much being said about Charlie’s life and his words and that service, by those celebrating and those criticizing, and I’m going to refrain from joining or arguing the points they make.  But, there’s something about Charlie’s life and violent death being a turning point, for America, but beyond that, in our own lives.   Somehow, it has woken us up from our apathy, or it should have. 

What I have seen is a huge out-pouring of affection for Charlie Kirk, and his wife and family.  And rightly so.   Regardless of whether you agree with his views or not, he was an amazing man in many respects.   If you don’t think so, take the time to listen to longer versions of the snippets that his critics love to share.  

Much of what he said and the platforms he used to say it – mostly public debating and interviews – is reminiscent of what we see in the gospels and shown well in various scenes from The Chosen, where Jesus engaged with the public, in all their messiness, not hidden away in the synagogue amongst only the religious crowd. 

Charlie’s words and debates elicited similar responses to what Jesus’ words did – some lapped it up; some enjoyed the challenge of intellectual debate; some were curious enough to travel for miles to hear him; some celebrated; some were grateful to finally receive answers that made sense and could be applied to their real lives; some were openly hostile; some were secretly plotting to silence him.  

There was so much affection poured out for Charlie during the huge memorial service and in many other vigils around the country and indeed around the world.  

So, now, can we do the same for Jesus?  Please? 

Perhaps Charlie, inadvertently, by just being the best he could be, showed us something of Jesus’ intelligence, home-grown education, character, confidence, truth presented with grace, compassion, sacrificial living, humility, God-given purpose, a life of excellence, wholly submitted to the Father’s will.  

So, if we can admire and adore him, can we please now look beyond him to who Jesus was and still is?  

Can we turn our capacity for that much affection into affection for Jesus?   Can we commit ourselves to getting to know this Jesus better than we have to this point?   Can we take Charlie’s example and get more curious about Jesus, dive deeper into the gospels and the prophecies that pointed to Him, put aside those things that distract us (even the good things) and be all in, in our affections, not just in our work and service and passion for the gospel?  Can we be all about Him, not just the gospel?  Can we, like the early disciples, just follow Him, even when He doesn’t make sense?

In my 40+ years as a Christian, I have met many who are absolutely passionate about the gospel or their church doctrine, or their service for Him, and yet somehow have missed knowing Him.  I don’t believe Charlie did that, but I believe we could do that by focusing too much on Charlie or his message.  

During his memorial service, I heard many speeches and words from politicians, apologists, teachers, leaders, and worship leaders.  Some were passionate about Charlie.  Some were passionate about his message for America, and even about the gospel.   But some were passionate about Jesus.  Our first affections must be for Jesus Himself.  

And those affections need to go deeper.   But that can only happen if we are prepared to sacrifice what distracts us, and ask the Lord to show us what else is stealing our affections.  If we’ve been a Christian for any length of time, we should know that the enemy won’t distract us with ‘bad’ stuff but good stuff – serving, giving, working, trying harder.   

I’m reminded of the story of Mary and Martha which I know has been overused and taught about ad nauseum, but it teaches us that we have to get back to sitting at His feet, and doing what HE wants first.  He has to be our primary place of affection if anything else in our life is going to be in its rightful place and our service done for the right reason, and we don’t end up tired and resentful or even harmful in our passion.

We have to respond to His invitation to come, and be childlike in our admiration and adoration of Him and affection toward Him, so that it grows and becomes a wellspring of life – from Him, to Him, for Him.  

But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:42

Lord, my heart is not haughty,
Nor my eyes lofty.
Neither do I concern myself with great matters,
Nor with things too profound for me.

Surely, I have calmed and quieted my soul,
Like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.   Ps 131:1-2

Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.    Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.    For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”   Matt 11:28-29 

But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”   John 4:14

 

 

This song was sung so beautifully at Charlie’s memorial.

So I throw up my hands

And praise You again and again
'Cause all that I have is a hallelujah
Hallelujah
And I know it's not much
But I've nothing else fit for a King
Except for a heart singing hallelujah
Hallelujah

I've got one response
I've got just one move
With my arm stretched wide
I will worship You