WHEN WE PURSUE THE HEALER, HE LEADS US WELL

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is PURSUE.  

When the Lord has you on a healing journey for any length of time, you start to realise how broken you are and you get fed up with that.  There's a restlessness that drives you to pursue healing - whether it's body, mind, emotions, whatever.  

And so you start to pursue some answers for your ills.   Of course, if you're on any kind of social media platform, and click on something, you suddenly start getting a lot more similar posts showing up on your feed, because of the algorithm.   

You get this expert saying to do this or don't do that, eat this or don't eat that!    Then you get another expert saying almost the complete opposite, and yet another expert saying something just as confusing.  

So you get fed up and give up because it's all too confusing and hard and moving forward seems impossible.  

Is that what happened to the woman with the issue of blood, who spent 12 years pursuing her healing?  She spent all she had on doctors, no doubt all claiming to know what would cure her.   

And suddenly, a woman who had a flow of blood for twelve years came from behind and touched the hem of His garment.    For she said to herself, “If only I may touch His garment, I shall be made well.” But Jesus turned around, and when He saw her He said, “Be of good cheer, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And the woman was made well from that hour.  Matthew 9: 20-22 

So what made her pursue Jesus, the ultimate Healer?   Was it desperation?  Was it that she'd run out of her own resources?   Was it that she'd heard about Him and decided she had nothing left to lose?  

To get healed, she had to pursue Him.    She had to push through.  She had to push through her exhaustion, her hopelessness, her lack of resources, the cultural taboos of her time.   But honestly, she had nothing left to lose at that point.   She was done anyway.  She was alone, she was isolated, she was broke, she was spent, emotionally and physically.   The Chosen portrays it well.   

Do we have to wait till we're thoroughly spent before we will pursue Him for healing of any sort?   

One of the things that the Lord impressed on me fairly early in this journey is that HE is the healer, and if I will pursue HIM first and foremost, He WILL show me what to do next, what to work on next, what to surrender next, what HE wants to do next.   

He has been ready at each step and turn and frustration point to touch, to give counsel, to offer comfort, to guide me to the right person, resources, information that I need for that next step.   If He had shown it all to me up front I would have been incredibly overwhelmed and given up.  

That's the kind of Shepherd He is - just enough for what we need right now, though He knows the big picture and He's aiming for that too.  

Lately I've been trying to figure out what my body needs to get well and stay well.   I've been having lots of niggling symptoms of ill health and I'm a bit fed up because it's really impacting my ability to stay on top of my many responsibilities.   And I can't put down any of them at this point, and I have sought Him about that, but He keeps bringing me back to getting on top of my health so I can do what He's given me to do.  

He's been talking about learning His unforced rhythms of grace for me, for my family in this season, and that's been an interesting and unfolding revelation.   He doesn't give us more than we can handle but sometimes He asks us instead to handle it better - to get stronger, wiser, educated, informed, etc.   

At this point, a lot of being able to pursue all that He's giving me to do depends on getting on top of my health issues.   So many people have said, 'Just find a decent doctor!'.  Yep, I get that but I'm not getting a lot of success on getting a doctor to listen and run the right tests and actually give me the test results.  I'm looking forward to engaging the services of the Christian naturopath that I have lined up, but that will have to wait until settlement is done and dusted, because that costs money.  

Last week, as I was praying about it, yet again, I saw a picture unfolding.  He often gives me pictures, sometimes as a dream, but mostly when I'm awake, and then the understanding of that picture gradually comes.   

So, in the picture, He had given me all these containers, like food containers that you would put leftovers in to store in the fridge.  Each container was a different colour and they were different sizes.   I didn't count them, but there were quite a few.   Each container was empty.   

As I sought Him for an explanation, He started to show me what it was about.   He showed me that I have all this information swirling around in my head, from various sources, and I'm not doing much of it because I just don't know what to do.   So, He said to me, 'Each container needs filling with real knowledge on that particular mineral, supplement, vitamin, nutrient, exercise that your body needs.   Do the research.  Document it and learn it.    Put the time in.  It's important!    You're investing learning time in your business.   Invest learning time in your health.   Fill the containers!!'.  

Light bulb moment!!  Wow!!  Don't you love how specific His direction is for each of us?  

So, that's what I'm doing.  I dug out my vision journal that my dear friend Heidi gave me a while back, and it had some empty pages.   I'm investing time in learning about one thing at a time and implementing that.  Then the next thing and the next and so on.    

Stay tuned to find out how it's going.  This week's learning focus is on zinc because that's where I felt He led me to start.   My body is showing many signs of being zinc deficient.   

When we pursue the Healer, He becomes the source of our healing, our knowledge, our wisdom, our guidance, our strength.  

Commit your works to the Lord,

And your thoughts will be established.  Prov 16:3     

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.  Prov 3:5,6

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.    1 Peter 5:10

God I look to You, I wont be overwhelmed

Give me vision to see things like You do

God I look to You, You're where my help comes from

Give me wisdom, You know just what to do

And I will love You Lord my strength

And I will love You Lord my shield

And I will love You Lord my rock

Forever all my days I will love You God   

WE WORSHIP WHAT WE VALUE

I am writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is WORSHIP.

What is worship?

It's worth - ship.

It's recognising and declaring the beauty of something.

It's declaring the worth of something to us.   

It's not deciding the worth of something - it's declaring the worth of something to us.    

It's giving glory, honour, importance to something.   

How do we do that?

With our words, yes - said or spoken.   

Words are important.   They cement what we believe, for better or worse.    

Our words declare our worship to ourselves, and to others.   

But worship is so much more than words.

Words sound great but they are not enough and are often shallow when tested by the reality of our trials.    What we say and sing between Sundays is what we really believe.   

We declare our worship just as loudly through our repeated actions and habits, through our choices, through our daily rituals, mostly behind closed doors.

We worship what we value.

We worship what we prioritise.

We worship what we focus on.

We worship what we meditate on.

We worship what we fear losing.

We worship what we're prepared to make sacrifices for.

We worship what we put on a pedestal.

We worship what we trust in.

We worship what drives us.  

I remember when I did art in middle high school, our teacher would get us to use a viewfinder to focus in on one aspect of a picture and make that small part the big picture.   It was a technique designed to help you think about detail, and it did that.     This is a picture I drew back in about 1982.  I loved drawing horses but she had me draw just its teeth.    

This technique showed us how distorted your perspective can become when you focus on a small part of a big picture.  It shows how easily you can drown in the detail.   

I believe we do the same when we choose to worship (value, prioritise, focus on, fear, trust in, sacrifice for, idolise, be driven by) ONE aspect of our lives instead of worshipping the much, much bigger God Who is over all and Who sees all.  

He is able to do so much more than we can ask, think or imagine, because He's already been doing it, for centuries, before we showed up to help or advise Him, before we had eyes to see or hands to help.    

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,    to HIM be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.   Ephesians 3:20-21

When faced with a large problem, we need to understand that we see a distorted view of it.    

We are in it - He was before it and He is above it and beyond it and over it.  

Worshipping Him allows us to see the size of the problem compared to Him (small).

Worshipping Him allows us to see the power of the problem compared to Him (small).

Worshipping Him allows us to see the place and purpose of the problem in His higher purpose and plan.  

When we choose to worship Him in the middle of it, with our words AND with our priorities, we return to peace and we get clarity.  

The 'big' things get put in their proper place, we understand what we need to do and what we need to let Him handle. 

We need just small faith in a big God, and worshipping Him above all else allows us to see the problems from HIS perspective, not ours.    

Our worship makes room for Him to work, partly because it gets us out of the way, it allows us to make good choices, AND because our faith and our prayers change outcomes.   

The Lord rewards faith.  He blesses people, but He rewards faith.   

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.  Heb 11:6

Worship declares our faith, and our deeds will consistently declare it louder than our words.   

We don't need to know everything.   We just need to keep getting to know the One who does.   

ONE thing I have desired of the Lord,

That will I seek:

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord

All the days of my life,

To behold the beauty of the Lord,

And to inquire in His temple.

For in the time of trouble

He shall hide me in His pavilion;

In the secret place of His tabernacle

He shall hide me;

He shall set me high upon a rock.  Ps 27:4-5

The same passage, in the Amplified Bible: 

One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.

This is a song I often wake up with and if I do, it's His reminder that something needs to go, something that is distracting me and distorting my view, and that I need to consciously make room for Him and His truth. 

And I will make room for You

To do whatever You want to

To do whatever You want to

I will make room for You

To do whatever You want to

To do whatever You want to

Here is where I lay it down

Every burden, every crown

This is my surrender

This is my surrender

BUT GOD!

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is BUT.    

The Lord has been teaching me a lot about work and money and rest this last year or so.

The girls and I, since my separation from their father, are living on reserves and a little bit that comes in fortnightly from child support and family tax benefit.    Once I've paid for rent and electricity, there's very little of that money left per fortnight.  

Because my name is on the farm business partnership, I cannot access single parenting payments from the government.   And because of the girls' father's unwillingness to cooperate with legal process, two years on, that isn't changing and there's no money coming forth from settlement.  

So, at this point, I'm trying to get my business up and running, so I can bring in some income, along with juggling single parenting, homeschooling two girls in high school, part-time studying (business course), running a household, being available to family and friends, serving my church and church family, etc, etc, etc.    

And so many nights I fall into bed saying, 'but God, I can't do this!'  

And I often wake up the next morning feeling the same way.     

So He's been teaching me about HIS path forward for me, for us.

Again and again, He brings me back to Psalm 81.   

Here are some of the verses He is using to teach me to listen to Him, stay close enough to His face to hear His explicit direction for ME in this season, and to never leave that spot, to recognise His release from the previous situation (which I often second-guess), and to acknowledge my need of Him moving forward.  

“Hear, O My people, and I will admonish you!

O Israel, if you will listen to Me!

There shall be no foreign god among you;

Nor shall you worship any foreign god.

I am the Lord your God,

Who brought you out of the land of Egypt;

Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.  Psalm 81:8-10.

Four times in that psalm the Lord says to listen, to take heed, to hear.   How do we hear if we're not close enough to His face to know what He's saying?   

When I stop listening to Him, and start worrying (worshipping the problem), He brings me back to the Word, His Word.   

I have to STOP and remind myself, 'this is my situation, but God.................'  

When we're following a navigational tool in our car, and we deviate from the set path, it recalculates and we need to stop and listen and watch the screen.   I need to do the same with the Lord every.single.day.      

"But God" needs to become my daily reminder.

But God has said He will never leave us nor forsake us.

But God has said that He has a good purpose and a plan and will teach me that plan, IF I will get quiet and listen.

But God will fight for me, and the battle is His, not mine.  I just need to wait expectantly, patiently, quietly, like a weaned child.

But God is working in the seen and the unseen.

But God's mercies are new every.single.day if I will just stop and access them and receive.

But God has laid a burden on my shoulders that He requires of me, and He will show me the rhythms of grace needed to carry that burden with Him, not alone.   

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me —watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”  Matt 11:28-30 The Message Bible

We are going to learn this year to listen to Him and find those 'unforced rhythms of grace' for our life so that we can not just survive, but thrive.   

Throughout the last few years of this whole process of healing and moving forward, I have become convinced that the Lord has a specific path for each of us.   You can type the word 'path' or 'pathway' into the search bar on a Bible app and find many references to pathways and God leading us through.  

I don't want to be like the Israelites who were given over to their stubborn hearts to listen to their own counsel.   (Psalm 81:11,12).  

He is the Good Shepherd and He does lead us, as we listen.  

So instead of saying, 'but God..... I can't', I/we have to learn to say, 'but God, I can't, but You can, You do, You lead, You know, You have a plan and I WILL get quiet and listen and follow - every.single.day'.   

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.  Ps 23:1-3  

(Verse 1)

In the process, in the waiting

You're making melodies over me

And Your presence is a promise

For I am a pilgrim on a journey

And You will lift my head above the mighty waves

You are able to keep me from stumbling

And in my weakness

You are the strength that comes from within

Good Shepherd of my soul

Take my hand and lead me on

(Verse 2)

You make my footsteps and my path secure

So walking on water is just the beginning

Cause my faith to arise, stand at attention

For You are calling me to greater things

SECOND GUESSING

 I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is SECOND. 

When you make a tough decision that takes you into difficult territory and leaves you facing some daily struggles, you often second guess that decision.

Sometimes, when you're overwhelmed by the burdens you're carrying, or the possibility of failure, or fear of the future, or the aloneness of it, you second guess your choices, and His call to make that decision. 

When the waves threaten to take you under, you start to ask yourself, 'Why did you get out of the boat?  Did He really call you out?  Are you sure you heard right?  Would have been more comfortable and sensible to stay put.'

We don't always see the internal struggles of the biblical characters once they'd made the choice to obey His leading. 

Often that obedience looked foolish, unwise, unsafe and counter cultural. There was often some serious inconvenience and even life-threatening moments.  

Did they second guess their decision?   Who wouldn't?

But second guessing and quitting are not the same thing.  

When the day to day struggles ramp up, and going back to Egypt seems sensible, what do you do?

What did the people of Israel do?   They whinged and blamed and wanted to quit.  

What did Moses and Joshua do?  They got before the Lord and waited on Him till they got an answer on how to move forward again.  And then they followed His leading.  

I have to do the same.  

When I am second guessing my decision to get out of the boat and walk on water with Him, I have to reach out for that righteous right hand to steady me.  

Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Isa 41:10

And I have to ask for and believe and speak out His perspective to recalibrate my thinking.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,

Like a weaned child with his mother;

Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord

From this time forth and forever.  Ps 131:2,3

For You have delivered my soul from death.

Have You not kept my feet from falling,

That I may walk before God

In the light of the living?   Ps 56:13

Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.    For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”. Matthew 11:28-30

Doing those two things allows me to stand again.  

Once I get that, I start to second guess the doubts, the lies, the fear, the negative expectations, the emotional rollercoaster, the burdens that threaten to drown me.  

I had to do that this last week.   

I had to get His perspective, with the help of my pastor, on a burden that regularly feels unfair and overwhelming - single parenting a teenager and a tweenager.   

And He showed up, as He does when we just stop the second guessing long enough to get quiet and lean in and listen.  

Like He did with Peter,  He showed up as the great I AM, with that powerful right hand - present, powerful, full of grace and truth.  

More on how He did that in another post.  

Each time you go under those waves and actually reach out for that hand, you come up stronger, wiser, more in tune with Him, more aware of His greatness.  

Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!”.  Mark 4:41

So let go my soul and trust in Him

The waves and wind still know His name

The waves and wind still know His name

And it is well

With my soul (sing it out)

It is well

With my soul

It is well

With my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

WHEN CHRISTMAS IS BROKEN

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is STUFF.  

Stuff it - I'm not doing it, I'm not doing Christmas with family this year. And stuff them! 

Stuff it - I'm not spending days and heaps of money on people who just want to keep taking. I'm done! 

Stuff it - I'm not doing Christmas at all - it's always a reminder of painful family memories and current family strife.  

Stuff it - I'm just staying home alone and letting them do their own thing. 

These are the sentiments I've heard recently from a few single, elderly female friends in the lead up to Christmas.  

They're hurting and they're tired. They're tired of putting up with toxic relationships because they're related to certain people they didn't choose. 

They're tired of giving and giving and giving - time, money, hospitality, emotional energy - for those who have used and abused them all year, and in previous gatherings, and who give little in return.  

They're tired of pretending, of playing happy families when inside their hearts are broken and gifts feel meaningless.    

They're tired of being given meaningless stuff when what they want and need is real connection and genuine love and to belong to something safe.  

After talking to one of them on the phone about how much she dreads Christmas every year, I realised a few things.  

We don't get to choose our biological family and sometimes we have to choose to say no very firmly and loudly if necessary, to protect our mental health and our children. We're allowed to guard our hearts. We're allowed to want and need genuine love and affection, and we're allowed to spend Christmas with people who love Him and love us.  

We can let Him redeem Christmas, even if it's always been painful.  

Christmas can be redeemed from all those past hurts. We can create new, beautiful, healing memories with those we can call family, because God places us in redemptive family relationships.

Christmas is ultimately about His presence, and we can do Christmas with Him, listing His many gifts to us throughout the year, even if we feel alone on the day.   

......  and they shall call His name Immanuel,” which is translated, “God with us.”   Matt 1:23

We can still be in wonder about this Saviour Jesus, like the shepherds who were the first to hear the good news. It doesn't have to be fancy to be amazing and wonderful.   

Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told them.   Luke 2:20

We can ask the Lord to restore to us the beauty of childhood that was stolen from so many of us. We can learn about the perfect Giver of gifts, the Father of lights, from whom all good things come. We can rejoice in His gifts to us, His heart for us.  

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.   Jam 1:17

We can leave our disappointments about past Christmases at the cross, even if there are many, and we can ask for a new way forward. He always has a way forward when we're ready to walk with Him in it.  

Will You not revive us again,
That Your people may rejoice in You?
7 Show us Your mercy, Lord,
And grant us Your salvation.   Psalm 85:6

We can choose to rejoice and trust Him for meaningful family connections for the year ahead.   

There is so much about our modern Christmas celebrations that is just stuff and fluff, but we can make it mean something if we will ask Him to restore the wonder.  

So this year, I'm hoping that my girls and I can reclaim the wonder of Christmas.    We're currently reading through Ann Voskamp's book,  The Greatest Gift, and adding the tokens to our Christmas tree every day or two.   

I'm also hoping to gather up a few of these hurting souls and together we can try and redeem Christmas - not with stuff - but with real connection and belonging and hopefully some healing.  

Lately, I've had this song on repeat, because it reminds me that the Lord is always turning the broken into beautiful, if we will just let Him have our broken pieces.  

Lord you will rescue
The lost and fallen
You are redeeming
What we have broken
For your great name

Chorus:
Beauty for ashes
The joy to face tomorrow
Heavenly melodies
As silence turns to praise
We'll stand firm
On the God of generations
All for the glory of the King

LET HIM FILL THAT VOID!!

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday, and this week's prompt word is VOID.   

I was arrested by these lines in my quiet time on Sunday morning 

Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?

Or who may stand in His holy place?

He who has clean hands and a pure heart,

Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol.................  Psalm 24:3,4

I wanted to keep reading but He asked me to stop there.

Whenever I hear or read these lines, I always default to 'do I have clean hands and a pure heart?'.   I usually beat myself up about not having those, because I know myself.

But that wasn't His focus that morning. 

His focus was on my soul and what I easily lift it to, and what I have lifted it to.

In our modern culture, we don't recognise idols so much.  It's easy to see the idols in the Old Testament, and think how foolish God's people were who lifted up their souls to those things.

But what are we lifting our souls to?  

Nothing in all of creation can fill the void in our souls like He can.    Nothing and no one, regardless of how good it is.   It's His goodness we need in the void in our souls.   

Some of us have lifted our souls (mind, will, emotions, and our hearts) to addictive substances like drugs, alcohol, tobacco and food - yes, food can be an addictive substance.  

Some of us have lifted our souls to busyness, work, achievement, education - some of it for Him.  

Some of us have lifted our souls to relationships, people, people-pleasing - sometimes in the name of love.

Some of us have lifted our souls to fear and what-ifs and worst-case scenarios and needing to be in control.

Some of those things are socially acceptable and even applauded, even in Christian circles.  Some are frowned upon.    And some of those things are not evil in themselves.  Idols often aren't but become idols when they replace Him, and taint our souls.    We need pure hearts, hearts free from worshipping anything other than Him.   

The answer to this ongoing struggle is just a few lines further on.  

He shall receive blessing from the Lord,

And righteousness from the God of his salvation.

This is Jacob, the generation of those who seek Him,

Who seek Your face. Selah   Ps 24:5,6

It's HIM that we need to fill the void in our lives.   It's Him - who He is, in all His goodness and holiness and splendour.   It's the depth and width and length and breadth of the knowledge (a deep knowing) of His love for us.  That's what fills that void, and continues to fill it.  And it's not a one-off thing, but a continual seeking of it.   And that's why it requires us to be people that seek His FACE, not His hands, and to keep seeking His face, even when we get the blessings.   We've been learning about how the Israelites were constantly in this cycle of 'help, God, help!' and then when they got rescued, and restored and blessed, they went back to ignoring Him.   May we not settle for the stuff.   

My girls have asked me many times over the years why we can't see God.   And my answer is fairly simple and maybe not deep enough.   "If we could see Him, meaning if He was a physical being, there would be no room for anything else, including us, because He would fill every void, every space, every inch of the universe.”  

He can and longs to fill every void in us, but He's left the choice up to us.   

So, will we let Him fill the void in us?   Or will we settle for far less, because the lesser things are normal and acceptable and encouraged, even in Christendom?  

It is our individual choice to seek His face and let Him fill the void as He longs to do .  

“Ho! Everyone who thirsts,

Come to the waters;

And you who have no money,

Come, buy and eat.

Yes, come, buy wine and milk

Without money and without price.

Why do you spend money for what is not bread,

And your wages for what does not satisfy?

Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,

And let your soul delight itself in abundance.

Incline your ear, and come to Me.

Hear, and your soul shall live..............   Isaiah 55:1-3

Come to the waters

you who are thirsty 

come and be filled

come and find life

why spend on what won’t satisfy? 

come to the waters

come to the waters

come to the waters

THE WEIGHT OF GUILT

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is WEIGHT.  

Sometimes you don't realise the weight of something you've been carrying until it's gone.   And  you realise how free you are without it, and that you were never meant to carry it.  

Feel it yes.  Know it, yes.  Recognise it, yes.  But not carry it.

Guilt is a heavy weight to carry.  

We are meant to feel guilt, to recognise that we are guilty when we've sinned, and to confess it and receive forgiveness and mercy to move forward.    That must be our response.   

For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  Heb 4:15,16

We were never meant to carry the weight of that guilt for any length of time.

We often carry the weight of guilt because we think that's what He wants.  He doesn't.  He sent His Son to carry it for us, and finish it.   

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.   Isa 53:5

We often carry the weight of guilt because it makes us feel like some kind of hero so others don't have to carry it.   

Perhaps we carry the weight of guilt because we've been trained to by the significant people in our lives so they don't have to face their own guilt.  

Perhaps we carry the weight of guilt because our belief system says we should or our spiritual leaders have taught us to.   

Recently, the Lord showed me a picture that is making more and more sense as the weeks go on.   

I saw a mud pit, like the ones you see in obstacle courses for military training.   

I saw myself trying to plough through this mud pit but I was stuck - and tired and feeling hopeless. 

It's been weeks of being hit by one trigger after another, and being overwhelmed and drowning in the pain of that.   

It has felt quite endless to be honest.   

But the Lord showed me that the mud pit is filled with guilt - guilt thrown at me, and guilt taken on by me.  

Like mud, guilt sticks and doesn't easily come off.   Like mud, guilt carries weight.   

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/mud-nature-sky-clouds-landscape-8342226/

What to do?     I was trying to sort through the mud, to get some clarity.    That wasn't the answer.   

I decided to just reach out and ask for help.   I don't do that easily.  I like to sort it out myself before I ask for help.   I'm learning.   

I sat with my pastors the other day and we were talking through the latest lot of mud thrown at me - accusations and thoughts from a loved one. 

My lady pastor said something to me that was profound and she thought 'mean' but it wasn't.  It was quite liberating.    It was pointing out the guilt of past failure but not with any condemnation at all, merely recognition of a lack of capacity at the time, and now able to do better.  When we know better, we do better.    When we know Him better, we have His ability to do better.   

The way she handled that meant that I do not have to carry the weight of that failure any longer.    When we acknowledge the filth of the mud, we can then bring it to the only One who can clean us up.  

I can acknowledge it, and I did, but I can move forward with Him, and await His redemptive power in the situation.  

I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist.

Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”  Isa 44:22

He is our Redeemer.  He longs to redeem any situation but we get so stuck under the weight of past failures and guilt that we don't go to Him for that redemption.  

The guilt is real.  We shouldn't gloss over it.   Too many of us do that with people we're trying to help, but it's not helpful.   Because then we either keep doing something harmful, or we get stuck in guilt because we know in our inner being that we are guilty.   And then we carry the weight of that guilt and can't move forward.  

So, moving forward again.  Without the weight of that long-term guilt, I can see much more clearly the truth of the situation.  Not entirely.    But clarity is slowing coming.  

It's not my job to wade through the mud to try and figure out which bits are justified and what should be carried.   I need not carry any of that weight.    He's already carried it.   

And having been freed from it, I hope to more easily and quickly recognise when that weight starts to come back on, and run straight to His throne.  

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.    Gal 5:1

Hear the shackles breaking free

Hear the song of the redeemed

He is moving, He is moving

He's alive, oh

So take this freedom, take this love

Can you feel it rising up?

He is here, He is here

He's alive, oh-oh

He lives

All honour and power are His

All glory forever, amen

Jesus lives