To Listen is to Love

I was thinking about the word listen as I sat near a bonfire at our house, not really able to do much thinking because I was watching two little people near a large bonfire and listening to their many, many questions and comments.  

But, these were the thoughts that came to me. 

To listen takes time, real time, not watching-the-clock time.

To listen takes quietness of soul, peace to know that the hard stuff is not yours to keep, but His to handle.

To listen takes security, security of soul that you don't have to agree or submit to someone else's opinion nor defend yourself, that He decides who you are and your worth.

To listen takes courage, courage to hear what's hard and unpleasant and unfiltered.

To listen takes strength, strength to stay and hear stuff that hurts the speaker to say, and maybe the listener to hear.

To listen takes gentleness, the kind of gentleness that doesn't have an agenda or a harsh answer. 

To listen takes humility, the kind of humility that doesn't judge or pity, but embraces and comforts and gives hope. 

To listen takes wisdom, wisdom to know there is a time to speak and a time to be quiet. 

To listen takes patience, the patience to hear all that needs to be said, not jumping in at the first quiet moment. 

To listen is to hear someone's heart, a privilege being offered, but it takes a lot of listening to get there, through the fluff and stuff that we are so used to saying because we rarely find a true listener.

To listen is a gift, a rare gift, but one that makes a huge difference in little ways.  

To really listen is to love.   

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.  James 3:13

Linking up at Five Minute Friday, where we write for five minutes on a given prompt.  This week's prompt is 'listen'. 

Advice for The One Who Feels Inclined to Rant

On the Subject of Rants

Well, I'm finally feeling inspired to write after months of silence.  

What has inspired me?   The subject of ranting.

What is ranting?  This is the definition that most accurately describes my understanding of ranting:   to speak or declaim extravagantly or violently; talk wildly; rave; to express at length a complaint or negative opinion

 I have been somewhat encouraged to come out of the closet and admit to ranting, by the shared rant of a fellow ranter.

I've been known to rant a bit about certain subjects.  In fact, just lately, I've let fly more than once with some of my frustrations about a particularly difficult and painful situation.

Having been a regular ranter and having lived with one, I thought I'd share some points about ranting that might be enlightening, amusing and perhaps helpful.

These points aren't necessarily in any order.

* The one on the receiving end of the rant, hereafter referred to as the rantee, is often least deserving of the rant - they just happen to be the silly bugger who made some casual remark or gesture that hit the 'rant' button.

* Christians are more likely to rant because they are often too polite to say the bleeding obvious for months on end, then it all explodes at once.

* Rants are usually caused by the ranter feeling powerless, unheard or unappreciated.

* If rants are becoming quite regular, it might be wise for the rantee to remember that perhaps the ranter needs a break, needs to be listened to more, or needs empowering to speak when something should be said.

* It is wise not to underestimate the possible pain behind a rant and prayerfully consider how to help without pressing that rant button yet again.

* Rants often occur at 'that time of the month'.

* Rants tend to contain a lot of truth, however badly presented.  It is wise to listen to all that is said and wise to take it straight to the cross afterwards, and ask God to show what needs sifting through and what needs to just be left there, with Him.

* The contents of a rant often surprises the ranter as much as the rantee.   It is best to give the ranter time to process what has come out of their mouths in a 'safe' place, directing them finally and always to God.

* Rants also tend to contain a lot of information that the rantee might not really consider important or interesting.    It is wise to show genuine interest and concern, so as to prevent another rant, and possibly a more vehement one.

* Rants tend to be exhausting for both the ranter and rantee, so it's best to give each other some space afterwards to recuperate.

* If you find yourself ranting a lot, then perhaps it's time to ask God to snip the wires to some of the rant buttons in your life (warning:  this could be a painful experience)

* The rantee can take some comfort in knowing that the ranter doesn't feel the need to be overly polite in their presence - in fact, being a rantee is best seen as a great privilege, rather than a painful experience. 

* David, of the Psalms variety, ranted - a lot!!   But, he always started and finished his rant by reminding himself and his rantees that God is good and God is strong and God is in control.

* It could be said that Jesus ranted - clearing out the temple, dealing with Pharisees.  So, it could also be said there is such a thing as a righteous rant.   Okay, so only Jesus was truly capable of that, but we could aspire to more righteous rants - no, not more rants, but containing the rants to those situations that truly justify them.

* A Christian in rant mode should refrain from name-calling, derogatory remarks and foul language and the words 'never' and 'always' are best avoided so as to minimise schrapnel damage.

* For both the ranter and rantee - apply self-control and grace liberally - before, during and after the rant.

* And lastly, God is the best one to 'let it rip' with - He can handle it.   Then, a mini rant with a trusted rantee is always helpful for thinking out loud and moving to a healthier headspace, aka attitude. 

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man holds it in check.  Prov 29:11

 Linking up at Titus 2 Tuesdays

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shalom when Life Hits the Fan

Tempers flare, accusations fly, things felt are not said, other things that shouldn't be said are said.    We avoid this kind of chaos, but sometimes the chaos has to hit the fan.  Sometimes the chaos is stuffed down just once too often and it all comes flying out, like stew out of a pressure cooker. 

Things are falling apart, but are they?  Perhaps they're just falling, falling into place.   Perhaps it's that God is answering my prayers in a roundabout way, allowing things to come to the surface so that they can be seen, recognised, repented of and we can all move forward. 

Isn't that what we all want?  To move forward, to move beyond our present strongholds?   But often it takes some kind of crisis or confrontation or chaos for that to happen.  And we avoid that.   Sometimes God allows our chaos to become so huge we can no longer avoid them.  

Can we see what God is doing in the middle of our mess?    Is God breaking something so He can remake it?   Breaking, sorting, exposing - it's all messy and painful.    We want peace, Shalom, but often we keep some kind of false peace and think it's Shalom.  We avoid chaos, we avoid mess, we avoid the pain, but we want change.   I suspect we can't have one without the other.  

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:                                    a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Linking up at Thriving Thursdays

Blessing Your Husband for Positive Change

You know, in my time in the blogosphere and reading Christian marriage books, I’ve come across this line, ‘You can’t change your husband once you’re married to him, so make sure he’s a good one first.’

And I agree to a point.  For sure don’t go and marry someone who’s on drugs and abusive and what not, that’s not what I’m talking about. 

I’m talking about calling our husband’s into their God given destinies by what we say and pray, cause girl you know more than anyone what dreams and goals you have and God has for your family, and yet, you too know, how many obstacles are on the way to getting there, and what’s the bet, there are probably even more than you think. 

Okay, don’t go get depressed and stick a shot of vanilla essence vodka in your coffee so you can make it through the morning, though that’s exactly what I did yesterday.  

What you and I both need to do is sit down and think about what the exact opposite of our husbands character flaws, and write those down and start declaring that over him.  Stop asking God to change him, ask him to change you.  Remember, ‘God if it’s my problem show me, if it’s his problem show him,’ that’s a good one to start on, but actually I’d like some more dynamite action. 

The more I read and the more I hear at the moment, the message coming through to me is to ask God what your husband or child’s destiny and future is, how God sees them and start speaking that over them.   In the Word of God it says the truth sets us free. A major revelation I’ve had this year via Graham Cooke is what that means. 

The truth is where God sees us and things He is bringing into our lives, what is true is where we are now and all the flaws that are holding us back.  Telling someone that is not going to help them move forward.  Speaking God’s plan into them will help them move forward. You can change your world with your words.  We just don’t realise how much sometimes.

Remember, God created the world with words, now go create your world with your words.  

Let’s Stop Blah-ing on People

So what’s a blah you might ask?  A blah is a verbal vomit about the last thing that has ticked us off, and it comes up quickly in our next conversation.  

Eg. Finished paying off the tv today and realised the rent to buy situation wasn’t such a great idea and the tv has cost me 3times what it should. 

I really felt like God said not to keep talking about because it was just making me uptight, stressed and not doing the atmosphere in our home any good.

E.g. I was watching someone drive stupidly on the road up ahead and accidentally drove through a red light, and really hoped there wasn’t a camera on that set of lights.

At the time I was going to pick up something from a lady I had just met and God said to me again that I didn’t need to bring it up.  It wasn’t going to help her or me. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are certainly times we need to discuss and deal with issues and problems, but let’s not blah them at people because it just makes us stressed.    Remember the tongue is very powerful.    It’s not wrong to tell people about these situations but at the time it would have been adding fuel to the fire of annoyance, and when you are annoyed at one thing it quickly escalates into annoyance at your family  and the atmosphere in your homes get tense, when it doesn’t need to be.

If somebody asks me about that set of lights now, I at least know it doesn’t have a camera on it and if somebody asks me whether or not a rent to buy deal is a good idea I can calmly tell them that it cost us a lot of money.  I’ve forgiven the sales men who didn’t give me the correct information and now I’m calm. 

Can you identify areas where you blah?  

I’m not advocating that we stuff down our emotions, that is harmful too, I’m talking about little stressers that aren’t worth repeating to people, yet we do to make conversation. 

Here are a few conversation starters that will set things on a positive spin . . . What has been a blessing in your week?  What has God shown you through His Word?  What is the best thing that has happened to you today? 

Ready?  Let’s  go change some atmospheres with our words!

"The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression"  Proverbs 19:11

What Identity Are You Feeding?

I've heard a lot lately about how powerful our words are.  We all know that in theory to some degree or another but how does it effect our parenting?

I was at my favourite mother's group this morning and two of the mother's were sharing how their primary school aged children were really struggling with some issues lately of lying and being difficult, and about how to change this.

One of them shared how God had revealed to her, she was stop talking about all the negative problems she saw and to ask God for a picture of how He saw her son and to speak the opposite and the positive over him.  To bless the child with that identity, because while ever we continually speak the negative, the more that child or person gets bound up in that identity, feeling that they can't change.

I recently attended two different prophetic seminars about walking in your true identity. At one, one of the ladies Patricia King was talking about speaking and decreeing over your life God's plan.   Sometimes we are likely to say 'Under the circumstances I'm doing well,' but shifting our view point to rising above the circumstances like an eagle soaring, because when we wait on the Lord, He not only renews our strength to help us have a better attitude and therefore not blurt out negativity all the time, but He enables us to rise up on wings like eagles to soar above our circumstances, and there fore to speak out over our circumstances His purposes and intentions.  

Did you know that to bless someone, it means to speak out God's purposes and intentions over their life?

The other seminar that I was attending last night, was one where South African Cathi Mole, was sharing about when her now grown daughter, was in her teens and she just didn't feel it was cool to be at church anymore.    Cathi had been praying, and speaking scripture over her, pleading Jesus' blood over her daughter and one day God told her to get out a notepad and pen and He would speak to her.    He gave her a vision of how He saw her daughter, and the plans He had for her future, and told Cathi to stop focusing on and praying against the negative and speak the positive and within two weeks she saw a huge turn around in her daughter's life.

Although my daughter is only 1, this has already challenged me how can I be speaking wonderful things into her life? 

Whenever we see Stephen's Aunty Robyn, who baby Erin loves, Robyn immediately cuddles her and starts speaking God's destiny over Erin, that she is a worshipper who loves to praise God and a dancer like her Mummy and that she will seek God with her whole heart and pray for the sick and be a daughter of great wisdom. 

It's challenging me that I need to speak that into her life as well, instead of just scolding her for her naughties, which is hard to do sometimes when we are with them all the time and just want a break and blurt out how annoying, frustrating or naughty they have been all day when asked.  

I have posted up before "God, I declare that my son/daughter will become a mighty woman/man of God and will not miss their destiny" which is a great thing to pray over them, but then lets not negate it with negativity later on. 

So what has God been teaching you about your words? 

Linking up at:

A Song and a Prayer

Have you ever stopped to really listen to a song?  Pondered the words and maybe written them out?

I’ve got a few that I love to listen to because they are prayers from my spirit to God. 

Break my heart for what breaks Yours . . . Hillsong

God I look to You, I won’t be overwhelmed, give me vision to see things like You do… Bethel

Set a fire down in my soul that I can’t contain and I can’t control . . . United Pursuit

I don’t want to find that I’m just dry bones, I want to burn with unquenchable fire deep down inside me. . . United Pursuit

Songs are so powerful because they shape who we are, they determine our mood, they can lift our spirits and they are part of renewing our minds because what we sing is who we become.

Music has the power to evoke in us a memory for a certain time period.  When I hear the God He Reigns cd by Hillsong I am instantly transported to age 14 lying on my bed one summer with the sun streaming in the windows while I wrote a book over the school holidays. 

When I was working, my alarm at 6am used to be the song One Thing Remains by Bethel.   It started out, Your Love Never Fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.’  It was seriously such a powerful reminder to wake up to everyday and those days were some of my most joyful days at that time. 

When I was suffering several spiritual attacks the only way to lift the heaviness was with Colin Buchanan’s and Donut Man’s memory verse songs because they were straight Scripture that I could sing out when I couldn’t see straight to read the Bible. 

So I’m asking you, what are you listening to?  What is shaping your mood?  What is the song-prayer in your heart today?

Another favourite of mine is this little known chorus by Hillsong London:

So I’m stepping out from the comfort zone,

Letting go of me, holding onto You

Freedom comes, when I call You Lord

You are Lord my God.

You’ve placed in me the song of Heaven’s melody,

Your majesty I live to sing Your song.

This is Your song

Not mine

It is Your song that brings healing to this land

This is the song that absolutely resonated in my heart when I first returned from PNG in 2006, having really found God for myself for the first time in my Christian upbringing.     I was ready to do anything and everything for God.   Ready to go anywhere as a missionary, and it’s funny how sometimes that passion, that first love can go dim, as you just get through the day.   I just pray today that God’s passion and love overwhelms you again and changes you just as it did when you first met. 

Linking up at:

How to Pray for . . . Everything

God save them.  It’s a heart cry. A hard cry because you can’t. save. Them.

Time is ticking by and on that greeting card, the monthly mewsletter, you want desperately to write something meaningful because you know they don’t have much time left.   Every tick is another minute gone and you want to see them in heaven, really you do.  You want to declare that they will become a mighty man or woman of God and not miss their destiny, but somehow you feel as if they already have.  God only knows, and I can’t judge, I didn’t live their life.

I want to pray for them more regularly, and more faithfully cause my prayers are what is going to make the difference.                        
                    

I’ve assigned a different day to family I want to pray for, because my husband has such a large extended family, this makes it easier to remember.  Another way is to associate days with meetings, eg, on Tuesday I pray for our elders, because we have an elder’s meeting, Thursday, other pastors in the city because we have a big prayer meeting, Sundays, the other pastors in our church etc.
I've now also tacked this up on the dresser next to our bed and I'm finding I get a lot more praying done that way because I'm often lying in bed nursing the baby as it is the best place for her to not get distracted. 

One other thing I find handy, is a list of prayer points pinned up to pray over people.  There are a number of ‘How to Pray for Your’ . . . husband, kids, neighbour etc out there.  Just google.  I have these pinned up in my wardrobe, and I even asked my husband to write a list of things he wants prayer for so that I can be more specific, or how about re-reading any prophetic words you have received and taking prayer points from those to pray over yourself/family?

Bless the people around you. God I bless such and such to know you!  To know Your purpose and intentions for their life and declare.  Words are so powerful. 

Declare: I declare that ‘insert name’ will become a mighty man/woman of God, and not miss their destiny.  Free printable here. Maybe even put up a list of names to insert, next to it.  

How do you pray for your relatives?  Do you have lists, prayer calendars, and scriptures printed out and about to pray over them?  

One thing I really want to pray over Erin that I find some prayer calendars miss in their long list of virtues, is that she would be a worshipper.  While other kids might be colouring in under pews I feel it's important she be worshipping God, lost in His presence.      I loved watching her on Sunday hands raised quite lost while we were singing You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham. 
What is the most important virtue to you to pray over your children?
  

 

Linking up at:

Five Minute Friday: Are U Blooming or Glooming?

Today is Friday and on Fridays I get to waffle and be random and teach dance classes. Today on Five Minute Friday our prompt was: Bloom and we all write for five minutes and link up and share our mistakes and our days in five minutes.

 

Today has been one of those days where I have needed to breathe deep a few times and recite Proverbs 15:1, to myself.  A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.

It’s one of those days where I feel like a flower that is being fertilised, with cow poop, but how I choose to react is gloomy or bloomy.  I can bloom by adjusting my heart and answering gently and I’m blooming or answer with a growl and I’m glooming.

I like this verse because if you are going to answer gently, you actually have to have a heart and attitude adjustment in order to do so, it’s not just about my mouth. 

I’ll admit there have been times today where I have bloomed and really changed my attitude and other times where frustration has loomed and I have gloomed, loud and long to anyone who happened to be in earshot.

Blooming or glooming or a bit of both?  When we’re being fertilised, let’s take a deep breath and try to bloom by changing our heart attitude.

Give Thanks for What?

The slugs are eating my garden.  I left my phone at home. The dishes are piled up in both sinks.   They are facts in my life.   They discourage me.    I just look at life and it all says pain, struggle, work.     I do not look at my tasks, my mistakes, my mess with joy, just discontentment and I realise my attitude is wrong. 

Some people voice these complaints; a groan, a growl, a scream at someone else for not sharing the weight, a long list of expletives.   The yoke rubs the wrong way.  Do we not realise that we wear it wrong?

Usually they are just in my head, not voiced, just causing a frustrated simmer of resentment at my life.  They are still in my heart, piercing holes of discontent, the sharp of the nail tearing at any who come near, usually those I love most.  Puss leaks out, staining my day. 

How do I enjoy life?  Christ surely did not die for me to have this.   I search for a joy in places that are barren and in my searching miss each moment that ticks on.  

I have not learnt from the Words of the Book on my desk.   It lays open and I feel spiritual but have the words hammered out the nail and healed the sores?

‘Praise the Lord O my soul and forget not all His benefits.’

I am saved, redeemed, child of God.

Thanks, but sometimes those things are far away in a misty sky in the early morn before life screams with interruptions of pain in an imperfect world.  

What is in our heart will come out of our mouth, a stream of pure water or a stream of murky confusion and complaint.   How does it change from one to another?

The Words are sinking in and I realise what I must do to change the stream, to wear the yoke right, to hammer out the nails of discontent.  I must encourage my soul, and so along with many others in I begin my list of ‘One Thousand Gifts’.   It is a dare to live fully right where I am. 

1.      Thank you that the slugs are only eating the bok choy.

2.      That I have a phone to lose

3.      That I have plenty of food to dirty dishes with

4.      For the beauty of an unfurling rose bud

As we start can our view help but change?  We can encourage ourselves and the water slowly purifies and as it flows a clear stream, it will encourage those around us.

This is a piece I wrote shortly after we were married in 2011, but it seems my soul needs to learn the exact same lesson again. 

References:   Psalm 103:2

‘One Thousand Gifts’ by Ann Voskamp.  This dare to live fully right where you are has quickly become a New York bestseller as God transforms a pig farmers wife from depressed to gladly blessed.  www.aholyexperience.com

Sunday School Secrets: A Declaration For You

Welcome to Sunday School Secrets, a fortnightly link up where we can share our Sunday School ideas and revelations.
 

Sometimes we know all too well that 'The tongue has the power of life and death' Proverbs 18:21, and other times we forget.  So let's be intentional about using it for its full positive effect.  This declaration comes from 'Revealing Heaven II' by Kat Kerr, and the font I've used is from Vanessa.

We have been using this declaration in our Sunday School and teaching the children to bless each other by speaking it out using their friend's name, even the adults have gotten on board.

On Mother's day I gave out little cards with quotes from Lisa-Jo's Surprised by Motherhood on the front and inside cover, and with this quote and all the names of the kids I  our church around it.


 

An InLinkz Link-up

Five Minute Friday: Choose

I found another writing challenge!  I love writing challenges because they bring out something that otherwise maybe would never have come out; which is wonderful.  Introducing Five-Minute Friday.  Here is my first post, though I know it's not Friday, the link up is still available for 4 more days.  So check out Five-Minute Fridays and expect to see some raw, honest and random posts popping up here.   

Choose:

What I choose to say is so very important.  All through my pregnancy with little baby Erin, I was so careful to say positives over her, over the pregnancy and over the labour.  People would come and tell me to expect back aches, and honestly until that very minute I did not have a backache, and I would speak out in frustration later that night, God I forgive them for speaking such rubbish over me.  God I break the power of those words over my life.  Seriously I would.  So many times, and the back ache the what-evers would usually leave.

I had to do it again just the other day.  Erin still sleeps in my bed, and some mummys disapprove of that.  That sort of love.  They say it’s manipulative, that she’s spoilt and just getting her own way, and over a week I got frustrated at her cries, her coos, everything. She was just demanding, and I cried to Stephen that I wasn’t enjoying it anymore, and we broke the power of those words, that she was manipulating me and the joy, it just came back.  God forgive me where I butt my nose into other people’s choices and speak over them, their kids, their situations, and it’s not life-giving or helpful.  My words have the power of life and death.