GIVE 'EM A CHANCE!

Writing for Five Minute Friday, and today's prompt word is CHANCE.

Do you ever meet someone at church or at work or at a function who just aggravates you? 

You're not sure why necessarily, but they push your buttons!  

And every time you interact with them, you tend to react (as opposed to respond) or you just try to avoid them altogether?

But you can't effectively avoid them because you're in the same space or church or family or zoom meeting. 

I'm thinking about this issue in the context of church family but it can be applied elsewhere.   And I'm not talking about toxic or dangerous people - they should be avoided.  

I've been working through these things for about 18 months now, since consistently attending church again .

About six years ago, we left a church that felt like family but it went sour for various reasons.  We were one of four families that left without any kind of resolution.    I found myself very hesitant to become part of another church family.  The disappointment and confusion of broken relationships left me feeling tired and cynical and incredibly insecure in group situations.  Life circumstances didn't lend themselves to us trying again for a while either.   

Since joining our current church, I've had to recognise my insecurities and  face them again and again.  I've had to make choices about what I believe about the people in this church, who are, after all, jars of clay, human, and less than perfect - like me.  I've had to give them a chance to be family - faulty, yes, but very caring.     

Trouble is, people can offer trigger in us reactions that have little to do with them and everything to do with us -  our pain, our shame, our trauma, our fears, our prejudice, our walls. 

We get hurt in relationships and we can get healed in relationships.  But to heal from previous relational pain, we have to give people a chance.

There are lots of examples I can think of, but just one I'll elaborate on today.  

One of the male leaders in our church has triggered many of my insecurities - insecurities that were linked to past abuse, rejection, disappointment, failures, etc.    This leader has reminded me of my abusive father, a previous toxic pastor, an intense boss, and a tormenting big brother in a bizarre combination of personality traits and physical stature.    I decided early in the piece that I would just avoid him.   I avoided prayer meetings, morning tea, group messages, etc and found myself quite critical of him.   Eventually the Lord said, 'enough!!'.    He made me realise that this man was not harmful, just human.    And I needed to give him a chance - to be a brother.  Nothing more, but not less either.    

Many women who, like me, have been abused by men, often feel insecure around men, even godly men in safe church settings.   But at some point, when God says it's safe and it's time, we have to give them a chance.   A chance to care about us as a brother would.    I'm incredibly grateful for the brothers I've gained in my church - godly, honourable, protective, wise, practical, helpful, watchful, praying men who have blessed my life again and again.   I'm glad I gave them a chance.   

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.   And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   Col 3:14-17

I love these lyrics from Matthew West

Mercy is a song, singing to my heart

Telling me it's okay, come just as you are

I never heard a melody, like the one they're singing over me

And I just wanna sing along, 'cause mercy is a song