I went for a walk by myself this morning. I nearly didn't go but I felt like I needed to, for my physical and mental wellbeing. It was rather crisp out there but I'm glad I did.
Some days, I get the sense that the Lord wants to show me something in the natural that will help me understand a spiritual principle, and today was one of those days.
I took a slightly different and longer route today. On the way back, I decided to find the trail that leads from the highway directly to our little street. We used to be able to drive through this section, and out onto the highway, but the council blocked it off last year, so now it's overgrown and the track is hard to see, and hard to find.
It's hard to walk on too, because it hasn't been used much. I wouldn't walk that way in the warmer months, because it's a snake haven, but I knew the ground would be just too darn cold for anything to be lurking under the grass and weeds there this morning.
I decided it would be safe to go that way, and I knew where I was heading, but I still balked at it, once I got to the edge of this patch.
The ground was uneven and the holes were hidden in the grass. The track was covered in thick grass and stickybeak plants that stuck to me as I pushed through. I nearly turned around, but I knew it was a long way around, so I persevered.
The reason I persevered was because I knew it would lead to where I needed to be - home.
It made me realise that perseverance is easier when we know what we're aiming for. When our target is vague or unknown, we want to give up. If we aren't sure of the destination or how long it's going to take, or that it's even possible to get there, then we won't want to persevere through the difficulties. If we're having to persevere on a path we've not been on before or to a destination we've never been, then giving up seems almost wise.
I find myself in that place at the moment. I'm aiming for something I've never known, seen only glimpses of, not fully experienced - in my physical health, but also in my mental health and spiritual life.
I woke up this morning tired, really tired, and not just physically. I'm parenting tired, persevering tired, spiritually tired, relationship-tired, and physically tired. I'm tired from pushing through past trauma and wounds, negative mindsets and failures, loss and grief, and wondering when it's going to end. I'm tired of wondering when relationships are going to come good and what else I could have done, should have done, need to do next. I'm tired of trying to fix my health issues. Some days, I want to curl up in bed and just not face the day.
And that's where hope has to kick in.
Hope that God will lead me through, step by step by step.
Hope that the destination is worth the effort and the struggle.
I'm discovering that hope is not just a verb, but a noun - an abstract noun and very tangible and solid.
Hope reminds me of a rock, a firm place, immovable, solid, not changing, something that's easy to see from a distance and something to aim for. It reminds me of a hook on a dock that a ship's mate throws a rope onto to anchor the ship and hold it steady.
https://chafepro.com/
A friend sent me this passage recently about hope, mostly the last verse.
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Rom 5:1-5
I've highlighted the bits that jumped out for me.
Grace - gotta remember His grace, not striving.
Rejoice - choosing to rejoice, to find joy, practise joy
Hope - it starts and finishes with Him, not me
Disappointment - been disappointed so many times, but He won't disappoint.
Holy Spirit - the Counsellor, Comforter, Teacher is available
Hope reminds me that those steps on the pathway might be difficult at times, and the path might be covered with prickles and stickybeaks and discomfort, but there is a point to it all and a purpose beyond simply the strength-building benefits of perseverance alone. (What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I'm also incredibly tired of hearing that!!)
I was reading to my girls from John 10 this morning. It's a familiar passage, but this verse jumped out at me afresh. (Isn't it funny how a verse you've heard a thousand times suddenly becomes alive to you, in the context of a present struggle?)
I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10
I'm reminded that abundant life, as opposed to merely surviving, is not only possible, but promised, by the Good Shepherd Himself.
Recently, one of our pastors preached on faith. This was one of the lines that really jumped out for me: Hope gives our faith something to aim at.
I need to have hope in something beyond my present reality - something solid, tangible, real, like the hook on a dock.
If I have hope that there is abundant life, then I need to have the faith to keep aiming for it. Hope is necessary, but so is faith.
I need to keep feeding my faith and keep believing that He strengthens me for the journey, is present on the journey, is guiding my journey, that His footsteps are my pathway, as I listen and follow. I need faith (trust, belief, confidence) that He is ever present on the journey, even when I can't see or feel Him, is indeed making a way in the desert and rivers in the wasteland. Like Ann Voskamp says in her new book, He not only makes a way, He IS the Way.
I've been asking the Lord for a while to show me how hope and faith work together. I think I'm beginning to understand.
Once again, I'm reminded of the verses He gave me last year and again just recently.
My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation (hope) is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense; I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God. Ps 62:5-7
Faith is the waiting on, the leaning into, the expectation, the belief that God IS good, that He IS working, in seen and unseen ways, that He IS available, IS helping, IS strengthening. That He just plain IS - the Great I AM He describes Himself as, to Peter as he steps out of the boat.
But straightway Jesus spoke unto them, saying, "Trust that I AM; be not afraid." Matt 14:27
Last night, I asked the Lord for something tangible to hang onto, some truth to strengthen me, to keep me going, to actually relieve the tiredness. I think there's more to learn about this, but for now, it's enough to know that it's worth the struggle, worth the perseverance and the tiredness.
And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You. Ps 39:7
This song was on my playlist this morning as I was walking. I listen to it often. I love this version by Pat Barrett and Mack Brock.
Sometimes, it is just breath by breath, one step at a time, but that's honestly all He requires of us and He strengthens us in the process.
Breath by breath overtaken by wonder
One step at a time when I'm overwhelmed
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Awaken my soul to sing
Awaken my soul to sing
I will trust where You lead
I will trust when I can't see
Morning by morning
Great is Your faithfulness to me
No comments:
Post a Comment