This is the third instalment in the series, Pathway to Peace
https://www.freebibleimages.org/illustrations/hm-walking-water/
If we're in pain, then obviously we're not at peace in every aspect of our being, which is what Shalom means - wholeness, rightness, soundness. Pain is an indicator that something is wrong, somewhere.
If I have an ingrown toenail, I'm going to do my best to avoid hitting it. But I'm also going to be very sensitive about it, and avoid doing certain things, perhaps even normal things, like putting shoes on. Pain makes us very sensitive to extra pressure, even normal pressure.
Pain often causes us to react instead of respond. It's hard not to react when someone bumps into something that is already very painful or puts pressure on you in that area. Reactions and sensitivity are a good indicator that there is pain somewhere.
Sometimes the Lord will allow extra pressure to expose our pain, because He knows it's going to cause reactions instead of measured responses, because He knows that pain needs to be exposed, because He knows we need to recognise that we are indeed in pain, so we can get free of it, and be at peace in every way.
Pain is exhausting, disheartening, discouraging. Chronic pain, of any sort, wears us down. If our hearts are breaking, we are in immense pain. Pain can crush us.
The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? Prov 18:14
Jesus knew pain. He was wounded for our sin. He doesn't minimise our pain in any way. In fact, He was a man familiar with sorrow. He knew the pain of rejection by His own kind. He knew the pain of being misunderstood and misrepresented, even by those close to Him. He knew the pain of being mocked and belittled.
He was crushed, in the garden of Gethsemane, by the weight of what He would carry, to the point of sweating blood. The word Gethsemane means crushed.
He even knew the pain of abandonment when He took on our sin, and His Father turned his face away because of it.
About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”) Matt 27:45
In His death on the cross, He knew immense physical agony, so He understands physical pain.
He knows pain. And He intercedes for us, even now.
Christ Jesus who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Romans 8:34
That has been a huge comfort to me just lately. I'd never really thought about that too much, until He asked me to face something incredibly painful, that I've buried for a long time.
That pain was stealing my peace, only I didn't recognise that until recently. I thought I was at peace. Actually, I was just numb. I was pretending to be at peace, but I couldn't keep manufacturing it in this particular situation and I'm not meant to. He made it clear that pretence is not peace and it had to stop. In fact, ignoring pain is incredibly damaging.
So, in His mercy, He kept putting the pressure on, until I could hardly stand it any longer. Like Elijah, I wanted desperately to run off and hide and ignore it. Like Elijah, I said, "I've had enough Lord". I'd had enough of dealing with stuff and was going off to hide under my broom tree, and in my cave, thank you very much. I've done that plenty of times in the past. I was at breaking point and was going back to my hiding place.
This time, however, the Lord was very definite about doing it differently. This time, I was instructed to let others know where I was at, be open to someone, to ask for help, to be accountable. If I wanted to hide, I was going to have to take some people with me. It kind of destroyed MY purpose in hiding really. So, He gave me the names of six trusted people to take with me to my hiding place. And they graciously agreed. Being accountable is uncomfortable and confronting and humbling and it makes you incredibly vulnerable. But it's also a time when you discover, perhaps finally, that it's okay to be vulnerable, very vulnerable, with people - the right people. When you discover that, something shifts, something changes and the pain is numbed, not by avoidance, but by the anaesthetic of love and embrace. And somehow, you're strengthened to face it, square on, and get through it.
When that pain is released, whether in one go, or more gradually over days and weeks, there is room for His love and grace to actually heal. It flows into those places where pain was taking up residence. And you're no longer burying it, because it's leaving and the scars are healing.
But, it takes time, and it takes encouragement and support to not give up or give in. Elijah was feeling pretty sorry for himself. So was I. I was looking back, looking down, until one of my six cave dwellers said to me, 'The face of Jesus, Kath. Remember to seek His face'.
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. Ps 27:8
The Lord reminded me that I don't have to contain pain, or bury it or manage it or hide it. Those are all my defaults. I just need to bring it.
I need a new default - seeking His face!
I was reminded of the story of Mary who fell at His feet and washed His feet with her tears.
A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind Him at His feet weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. Luke 7:37,38
She was overcome by simply being in His presence and her pain spilled out. Jesus didn't turn her away. He wasn't threatened by her tears, wasn't disturbed by them. He welcomed them and He welcomed her.
Psalm 34:18 says that He is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. I wonder what broke her and what had crushed her spirit?
She was a woman of ill-repute, we know that much. But how did she get to that place? What had happened in her life to lead her into such a degrading situation? And how did she find out about Jesus? What made her desperate enough to go to a Pharisee's house, when the 'righteous' people knew who she was and what she was?
She pressed in to find Him, to meet with Him, to perhaps just touch His garment. She was in hiding too, standing behind Him. But in His presence, she found herself weeping, embarrassingly so, so much so that her tears fell onto His feet. Was He embarrassed? No. She had come to seek Him out. He was touched, He was moved, and she was healed.
I found myself reminded of these verses this week:
Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge Him.
As surely as the sun rises, He will appear; He will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.” Hosea 6:3
She pressed on, through vulnerability, embarrassment, humiliation, the whispers of others and potential rejection, and she encountered this man she'd heard about. And He met her at her point of need. At her point of need. One of our pastors, Moses, loves to say that, whenever he's praying for someone, that Jesus would meet them at their point of need. I love that.
I found myself doing the same as Mary Magdalene this week, as I listened to Moses' sermon on brokenness. Could not contain the tears any longer. In church, of all places. Never allowed myself to do that before. He was touched, He was moved, and I was healed - of the need to pretend and contain and hide.
So what is my point of need? What I need is a Saviour who will hold me when these waves of fear and pain get too much and keep me looking back and looking down, instead of up. I also need to look up and reach out. He's called me out of that boat of familiarity and the old ways of doing things, out of pretence and numbness, to walk towards Him, the great I AM, and find in HIM everything I need.
This is a verse He gave me last week, which I have clung to.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isa 41:10
When waves of pain and fear threaten to take me under and make me want to look back and turn back, I remember that hand, and remind myself to look into His face, and that He is not bothered by my tears. In fact, He welcomes them and treasures them.
You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book? Ps 56:8
A beautiful song by Lauren Daigle, Hold Onto Me
Hold on to me when I forget I need You
When I let go, hold me again
I could rest here in Your arms forever
'Cause I know nobody loves me better
Hold on to me
Hold on to me
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