WHEN I START TO STRIVE, I SIT WITH HIM

I am writing for Five Minute Friday and today's prompt word is STRIVE.  

I have a perfectionist living in my home.   She has created these notions, images, standards of 'perfect' and strives to live up to them.    She gets frustrated with herself for not being able to.   And then she gets frustrated with us that we don't value her standards or strive to live up to them.   It causes quite a lot of tension and a few meltdowns.  

We had a rather long discussion about it yesterday and it seems that her perfectionism is fuelled by fear.    She fears the future, fears being out of control, fears God setting the standards for her life.  I'm sure it's partly because of the uncertainty in our family situation, and so if she can just set some standards and goals and hit them, then everything will feel less out of control, or her control anyway.  

Trouble is, her standards and goals are for HER version of perfect, and totally unrealistic.  And then she tries to impose them on us.  Our 'punishment' for not agreeing with the goals and standards, and not meeting them, is glaring, judging, criticising, growling about her chores and refusing to engage.   It's not all the time, but enough to make life difficult.   

Of course, she's only a teenager so she can't call the shots and can't run the household, because she has a rather determined and well-practised mother, and she's NOT in charge, though she'd like to be.  

It got me thinking about how many years I lived with perfectionism (not mine) and how much I strived and strived and strived to meet the standards, out of fear of rejection, disapproval and punishment, or thinking I was being a good, Christian wife, thinking that the standards were God's standards, believing that the perfectionist's measure of me was God's measure - not good enough, not done enough, try harder, give more, be more....., etc.   

It's been incredibly liberating to see that God's standard isn't 'perfect', this side of heaven.   He knows that is unrealistic.   

God's standard is holiness - set apart, consecrated, surrendered, given over, fully in, malleable, teachable, ready, willing, wholehearted devotion and full obedience.    

Anything less than that is our version of 'perfect' and it might keep us nicely busy, make us feel good, it might look good and productive and noble, sound Christian, but if it's not from Him, it's not of Him.    It's not good for us nor anyone else.   

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.     And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.  Romans 12:1,2 

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will guide you with My eye.

Do not be like the horse or like the mule, which have no understanding,

Which must be harnessed with bit and bridle,

Else they will not come near you.  Ps 32:8,9

But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption - that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the Lord.”   1 Cor 1:30,31

Jesus met God's perfect standard of righteousness.  I don't need to strive to do that.  He's already done it.  It is finished!!  

Instead, I can rest in that grace that He paid so dearly for, while doing the good works that the Father has given me to do, not to strive to earn His love, but in response to it.  

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.     For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.   Eph 2:8-10

I am determined not to strive for 'perfect' any more - not my version of it nor anyone else's.     I have lived far too much of my life doing that and I will not strive any longer.   Sadly, I still default to it at times because it's been such a major part of my life, but I don't intentionally do it any more.  And I now know that God doesn't expect that to keep Him happy.   

It makes me think again of the story of Martha and Mary.   I wonder if Martha was a perfectionist.   My 14yo perfectionist is very angry with Mary in that story and with Jesus for saying that Mary was doing the 'right' thing and the better thing.    I appreciated her honesty but her measure of things is wrong.   

And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.  But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:41,42 

I'm praying that she discovers that sitting at Jesus' feet really is the best thing and the right place to start.   

As for me, now I can learn to live free of the condemnation of that perfectionism and live within the rhythms of grace HE has for me, with a load that's tailored to me - from Him, of Him, through Him, for Him, and to Him.    

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me  —   watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”     Matt 11:28-30  MSG  

When I feel myself starting to strive again, I sit, with Him, and we talk it out, and find a new way forward, together.  

I often put this song on, when I feel myself worn out, tired, stressed or striving.   

I’m asking in the Father’s name

Reveal Your heart to me

I want to bear the fruit that stays

So come abide in me

Show me Your ways, Show me Your ways

Show me Your ways, Jesus

Show me Your ways, Show me Your ways

Show me Your ways

I long to hear you call me friend

That what is Yours is mine

So I'm laying down my life again

And I will testify

That You tore the veil

That stood in between

My heart and Your mystery