THE WEIGHT OF GUILT

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is WEIGHT.  

Sometimes you don't realise the weight of something you've been carrying until it's gone.   And  you realise how free you are without it, and that you were never meant to carry it.  

Feel it yes.  Know it, yes.  Recognise it, yes.  But not carry it.

Guilt is a heavy weight to carry.  

We are meant to feel guilt, to recognise that we are guilty when we've sinned, and to confess it and receive forgiveness and mercy to move forward.    That must be our response.   

For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  Heb 4:15,16

We were never meant to carry the weight of that guilt for any length of time.

We often carry the weight of guilt because we think that's what He wants.  He doesn't.  He sent His Son to carry it for us, and finish it.   

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.   Isa 53:5

We often carry the weight of guilt because it makes us feel like some kind of hero so others don't have to carry it.   

Perhaps we carry the weight of guilt because we've been trained to by the significant people in our lives so they don't have to face their own guilt.  

Perhaps we carry the weight of guilt because our belief system says we should or our spiritual leaders have taught us to.   

Recently, the Lord showed me a picture that is making more and more sense as the weeks go on.   

I saw a mud pit, like the ones you see in obstacle courses for military training.   

I saw myself trying to plough through this mud pit but I was stuck - and tired and feeling hopeless. 

It's been weeks of being hit by one trigger after another, and being overwhelmed and drowning in the pain of that.   

It has felt quite endless to be honest.   

But the Lord showed me that the mud pit is filled with guilt - guilt thrown at me, and guilt taken on by me.  

Like mud, guilt sticks and doesn't easily come off.   Like mud, guilt carries weight.   

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/mud-nature-sky-clouds-landscape-8342226/

What to do?     I was trying to sort through the mud, to get some clarity.    That wasn't the answer.   

I decided to just reach out and ask for help.   I don't do that easily.  I like to sort it out myself before I ask for help.   I'm learning.   

I sat with my pastors the other day and we were talking through the latest lot of mud thrown at me - accusations and thoughts from a loved one. 

My lady pastor said something to me that was profound and she thought 'mean' but it wasn't.  It was quite liberating.    It was pointing out the guilt of past failure but not with any condemnation at all, merely recognition of a lack of capacity at the time, and now able to do better.  When we know better, we do better.    When we know Him better, we have His ability to do better.   

The way she handled that meant that I do not have to carry the weight of that failure any longer.    When we acknowledge the filth of the mud, we can then bring it to the only One who can clean us up.  

I can acknowledge it, and I did, but I can move forward with Him, and await His redemptive power in the situation.  

I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist.

Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”  Isa 44:22

He is our Redeemer.  He longs to redeem any situation but we get so stuck under the weight of past failures and guilt that we don't go to Him for that redemption.  

The guilt is real.  We shouldn't gloss over it.   Too many of us do that with people we're trying to help, but it's not helpful.   Because then we either keep doing something harmful, or we get stuck in guilt because we know in our inner being that we are guilty.   And then we carry the weight of that guilt and can't move forward.  

So, moving forward again.  Without the weight of that long-term guilt, I can see much more clearly the truth of the situation.  Not entirely.    But clarity is slowing coming.  

It's not my job to wade through the mud to try and figure out which bits are justified and what should be carried.   I need not carry any of that weight.    He's already carried it.   

And having been freed from it, I hope to more easily and quickly recognise when that weight starts to come back on, and run straight to His throne.  

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.    Gal 5:1

Hear the shackles breaking free

Hear the song of the redeemed

He is moving, He is moving

He's alive, oh

So take this freedom, take this love

Can you feel it rising up?

He is here, He is here

He's alive, oh-oh

He lives

All honour and power are His

All glory forever, amen

Jesus lives