PROVE IT!!

I’m writing for Five Minute Friday and this week’s prompt word is PROVE. 

 

Prove it!   Put your money where your mouth is!   Show me! 

Have you ever had someone say those things to you?

Have you ever said them to someone else?

Have you ever wished you could?   But you don’t, because you’re too polite for that (or too scared, or too busy burying your real feelings, even from yourself).  

Oftentimes, these are words with pain behind them, considerable pain, because someone has said what they don't actually mean, and made promises and broken them.    

We need the words we hear to have substance, not just sound good. 

We actually need people to prove that they’re trustworthy. 

Relationships live or die on trust.   Like I say to my younger girls, ‘Trust is hard won, and easily broken, and needs to be maintained, not just gained’. 

Having said that, we can’t hold a gun to someone’s head and ask them to continually prove that they love us by giving in to what we want, or by agreeing with something we’re saying that’s not true, or by having to continually make up for something they’ve done in the past that they’ve apologised for.   That kind of demand for proof is based on unforgiveness or entitlement, often both.  They are not obligated to keep trying to prove it when we are holding onto those things. 

But, moving forward, our actions should prove that we say what we mean, and we mean what we say.  

God’s actions do.   I’ve come to learn that more and more over the last few years. 
His words have substance and they are tried and tested and solid.

The words of the Lord are pure words,
Like silver tried in a furnace of earth,
Purified seven times.
You shall keep them, O Lord,
You shall preserve them from this generation forever.   Psalm 12:6,7

When someone proves to me, by their actions, or, just as importantly, their lack of actions, that their words are just nice words, not backed by action, then their words lose their credibility, and their words start to bounce off my head and my heart. 

I’ve had that happen over the last few years with someone who wanted to restore a relationship that was very broken, said all the right things, things they thought I wanted to hear, but their actions proved something very different.   It was really the final proof for me that that person cannot be trusted, and now their words hold little substance, and are actually offensive to me. 

But it’s easy to see what someone else is doing.  

What about us?   What about our words and our actions?  

What about me?   What about my words and my actions?  Do they line up?  

That’s the starting point for change - What about me, Lord? 

Just recently, I received a phone call from someone in our church who was very upset and had spent the night stewing about it.   More than just the night, really.   She’s spent weeks stewing on much of what she vented about early that morning, but something had happened the day before that had triggered all the hurt she’s been stuffing down for weeks.  Out it came.    I’d heard much of it before and it’s not easily solved.   But what I realised was that she was desperately trying to understand why nice words are being said and consistent actions are proving something else.    

She’s come through decades of domestic violence and broken promises and betrayed trust, in key relationships, and in churches.   She’s trying desperately to believe that we, as a church family, can be trusted.   And a few key people in our church have proven that, again and again, in the big ways that she’s needed.    But she needs the church as a whole to prove that they can be trusted, to show up for her and help her carry her very heavy load in regular, consistent, simple ways.   But, and here’s the but, she also needs to give the rest of them a chance to prove that they care, which means making herself vulnerable and opening up to more than just the three of us who know what’s going on in her life.  

So, where does the burden of proof lie?   That’s the question that I’m asking myself in this situation (along with, 'How do I need to show up differently for her?').   

Does the burden of proof lie with the person who’s hurting?  Partly, yes.  They need to learn to be honest – with themselves, and with others, instead of stuffing down hurt, and to learn how to express their needs in a calm way.       That's a hard call after decades of being neglected and dismissed and berated for having any needs.  

Does the burden of proof lie with those wanting to prove their love for the wounded person?   Yes, I think so and honestly, more so.   We have to regard the weaknesses of others, weakness that’s there because of so much damage done, for so long, oftentimes by ‘Christians’, in church.   

We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbour for his good, leading to edification.    For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me.”    For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Rom 15:1-6

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.   Gal 6:2

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This whole scenario, reminds me of The Servant Song, which I grew up singing.   

Oh that we would want to serve others, and let them serve us - not sure which is harder, to be honest. 

 

Brother, let me be your servant.
Let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.

We are pilgrims on a journey.
We are brothers on the road.
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load.

I will hold the Christ-light for you
In the night-time of your fear.
I will hold my hand out to you;
Speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping.
When you laugh, I’ll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we’ve seen this journey through.

When we sing to God in heaven,
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we’ve known together
Of Christ’s love and agony.

Brother, let me be your servant.
Let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.

 

The Servant Song lyrics © Universal Music – Brentwood Benson Publ.