Don't Deny ME - Please!

I asked my friend this question today:

'How many of us deny the truth because of the filters and idols in our lives?'

We were discussing how a loved one's inherited religion was preventing him from truly understanding the gospel, and understanding who Jesus is, what He came to give him, came to do for him. 

I'm once again joining with the writers of Five Minute Friday, where we are given a theme word each Friday, to write on for five minutes.  

This week's theme word is DENY.  

The Pharisees denied their need for Jesus.   Their religious beliefs and systems were so precious to them, that they refused to see what, or rather Who, was right in front of them.  They denied the kingdom and the promised Messiah because they didn't want to see their own idols and their own hearts - they were in denial.   

And what about Peter, whose denial is famous?   Before Peter denied Jesus in front of others, he denied the need for Jesus to die.   Even after following Him closely for several years, he couldn't see what Jesus was doing and needed to do.    His passion for Jesus, for Who he thought Jesus was, Who he wanted Him to be, caused him to deny the truth, the reality of what Jesus was actually saying to him.  

From that time Jesus began to show to His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised the third day.

Then Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, “Far be it from You, Lord; this shall not happen to You!”

But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.”

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.   Matt 16:21-25

Peter's later denial was simply another symptom of a heart not understanding and not surrendered to who Jesus really was and what He was asking of him.    

Is that why Jesus asked Peter three times, on the beach, after His resurrection, "Peter, do you love Me?".   

So many people have written much about what denying yourself looks like, to the point of the ridiculous, but what does it really mean to deny ourselves? 

I don't claim to know.  I'm not a Bible scholar.   

But I do know this.   I know what God has shown me lately about denial of truth in the inner parts, and what that leads to.     I know what it means to want to deny what God has shown me about myself because it's inconvenient and hard and because I then can't unsee it.    

Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.  Ps 51:6

I know what it means to realise that taking up my cross can mean that He wants to do a work in my heart similar to what Jesus went through on the cross - not that I'm taking on the sins of the others, but that He is allowed to shape me, press me, crush me, expose me.    

For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart -

These, O God, You will not despise.   Ps 51:16,17  

I know what it is to realise that I barely know this Jesus that I have claimed to know and follow and serve for most of my life.    I know that denying myself also involves laying down idols that I have only recently been able to see.  I know that denying myself means surrendering ideals and ideas that have veiled my eyes from Who He really is and what He really wants.    

But even to this day, when Moses is read, a veil lies on their heart.    Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.    Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.    But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.   2 Cor 3:15-18

Will I deny my heart its idols and ideals and ideas and walls so that I can see Him clearly, know Him properly, and be challenged and changed from glory to glory?     Will I take up my cross and follow Him wherever?    

Or will I continue to be like the Israelites who couldn't let go of all of their idols, ideals and ideas, and the walls of their hearts, and who missed Him, their promised Saviour?  

So, on this Good Friday, when I remember how much He carried for me, when I hear His plea, 'Don't deny Me, please!', I will say, again: 

Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” 

Your face, Lord, I will seek.  Ps 27:7,8 

This pendant is about 40 years old.   I bought it when I was about 15, when I decided that I no longer wanted to be a closet Christian.

I thought I'd lost it, but recently discovered it in a pile of tangled necklaces.   My older girls chipped in to buy me the gold chain for it, for my birthday.    It seems very appropriate that is a combination of a cross and a heart, with various gems around it.  I'm sure there's more symbolism to explore here.   

To finish, a song from the same era as the pendant.   

Oh Lord, you're beautiful,

Your face is all I seek,

For when your eyes are on this child,

Your grace abounds to me.

Oh Lord, please light the fire,

That once burned bright and clear.

Replace the lamp of my first love,

That burns with Holy fear.