I don't know much about plants. I've learnt a few things over the years, mostly by mistake. I know I'm good at killing them by neglect.
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But, despite my lack of a green thumb, I do know a few things. Plants need water. They need the light and warmth from the sun. They need nutrients from the soil. They need protection from harsh environments. They need pruning. They need their fruit to be picked so they remain fruitful. Sometimes they need stabilising or even transplanting. Plants need to be nurtured to grow well, not just survive.
It's easy enough to recognise that plants need these fundamental things. We wouldn't consider a plant needy or selfish or too sensitive for having these basic needs. God designed plants to thrive in certain conditions, and we recognise that, even if some of us aren't good at maintaining those ideal conditions.
And yet, so many of us don't recognise that we ourselves have similar basic needs. We knock ourselves, or agree with those who do, for needing nurture and safety and the loving attention of those in our close circle.
Perhaps we've been made to feel like we're too much, too needy, too emotional or sensitive, touchy or not fruitful enough, not productive or deserving of care.
Perhaps we've been in relationships where much is promised or spoken about or assumed, but we're left hungry and longing for more.
Only trouble is, we honestly don't recognise we're hungry for more, or just needing these basics of love, affirmation, nurture, protection, guidance, emotional sustenance, a stable environment.
I mean, we know something isn't right, but we internalise that. If we do recognise it, we often blame ourselves. Perhaps we feel shame for being dissatisfied or needing more than the relationship gives. Perhaps we've been made to feel like we're a burden and expressing our needs has caused major relational conflict. Perhaps it's just our normal and we don't realise we actually have needs or are allowed to have needs. Perhaps acknowledging needs feels childish or even frightening.
The trouble with not acknowledging our innate needs for love, affection, affirmation, acceptance, nurture, close contact, protection, etc is that it's a denial of truth. It's a denial of the way God designed us to live. And where there is a denial of reality and truth, we can't learn or grow or move forward. Where there is a denial of truth, we miss out on the mercy and grace on offer to us. It would be like a plant missing out on thriving because it denies its own needs.
What happens instead is that we meet our needs ourselves, often in detrimental ways, though sometimes in very 'acceptable' ways in the eyes of others. There are so many things we can seek and pursue in an effort to meet needs we don't recognise or we try to hide. It can be food, work, pleasure, stuff, clothes, money, relationships, fame, children, church, service, education. So many normal, every day things become something we pursue to fill our lives.
It's been said that we all have a God-shaped void in us that only God can fill. Scripture says it like this:
For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. Ps 107:9
I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt; open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. Ps 81:10
O God, You are my God; early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. Ps 63:1
My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. Ps 63:5
When we are struggling in our relationships, it's quite eye-opening to realise that much of our frustration comes from expecting that person or several people to meet those deep, fundamental needs, to satisfy what only God can satisfy.
Of course, that doesn't mean we shouldn't be nurturing in our relationships, or that we should subject ourselves to relationships that are harmful. We need to guard our hearts and be careful in our relationships.
And we need to get our needs met by God first, to come empty and wait on His infilling, over and over and over again.
When we put God in the first place for our worship and affections and our needs, then everything else comes back into balance. He often allows other people to meet our needs, but He must come first and we must come to Him first.
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So many people caught up in addiction are simply trying to fill the void, numb the pain, get the recognition they need to feel loved. We all need to be seen, loved and accepted.
When you're on a journey to wholeness, a very important step is to recognise that you do have needs and that you've met those needs in unhealthy ways. Ouch!! When you recognise that you've made idols of things or people, that you've worshipped things or people, that you've sought satisfaction in things or people instead of God, it's time to acknowledge that and come back to the throne of grace and mercy, where He readily receives us.
For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Heb 4:15,16
It's like the prodigal son, after running out of his own resources and strength, throwing himself at the Father's feet in desperation. He's so broken, that he's happy to settle for second best. But once he makes that decision to come back to his true source, the Father starts running towards him, almost desperate, reckless, in His willingness to bless His son again. And the son slowly realises how much the Father has just been waiting to bestow on him every blessing and receive him back into that safe place of love and acceptance and growth and fulfilment.
Why do we wait?
Why do we stay in the place of emptiness and dryness and fill our souls with what cannot truly satisfy?
The Scripture has a lot to say about our souls, about the longing of our souls.
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. Ps 25:1
As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? Ps 42:1-2
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God. Ps 42:11
My soul longs, yes, even faints For the courts of the Lord; My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Ps 84:2
In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. Ps 94:19
When our soul has been damaged by others, and by ourselves because we've not understood our needs or looked to meet them in the wrong ways, we need healing, we need restoration, we need cleansing. This is a Scripture He has brought me back to a few times lately.
Return to your rest, O my soul, For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For You have delivered my soul from death, My eyes from tears, And my feet from falling Ps 116:7,8
I have had this song on repeat lately, to remind myself to turn to HIM first.
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