I LIKE CHOCOLATE CAKE!!

I like chocolate cake with icing

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and today's prompt word is LIKE.  

I like ice cream with Hershey's Chocolate syrup

I like cheesecake

I like buttery, choc-chip cookies

I like hot potato chips with salt and gravy

I like cold potato chips and corn chips with dip

I like creamy mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, fried potatoes, potato salad

I like milk chocolate with lots of sweet stuff inside

I like chocolate freckles

I like jam coconut tart

I like warm donuts and chocolate milkshakes

I like fast food with fries

I like snake lollies 

I like liquorice all-sorts

I like toast and jam, particularly strawberry jam, and plenty of it

I like soft, white, fresh bread, spread with butter and jam

I like hot garlic bread and pizza

http://clipart-library.com/clipart/1592298.html

As you can see, I have a sweet tooth, apart from the potatoes in almost any form - and bread and pizza!  

All these foods are comfort foods for me.   They make me feel good, feel loved; they are what I use to comfort myself when I'm lonely, frustrated, insecure, feeling rejected, etc.  Most of these foods are related either to my mother or my aunty.    

I rarely eat any of those things listed above any more because, while I like them very much, my body does not, and I don't like the results - lethargy, headaches, cramps, brain fog, tiredness, inflammation, weight gain.    But my soul likes these foods.  Actually, my soul has loved these foods and used them as a crutch.   

Over the last few weeks of my healing journey, the Lord has been targeting soul ties and unhealthy habits in this healing journey.    He's shown me again and again how I've developed coping mechanisms to mask, numb and cope with the pain of abuse, rejection, loneliness, trauma, etc, instead of letting Him touch and heal.   He's spoken to me a lot about the damage done to my soul - mind, will and emotions, and how I've medicated my soul.  Ouch!!  

He's been talking about all sorts of unhealthy habits, but food has been a biggie.    I've certainly improved my diet and my physical exercise over the last couple of years and it's helped immensely.   

I was doing really well with all of it, but then we had visitors coming, and we cooked chocolate cake with icing.   I decided while we were cooking it and icing it that I wouldn't eat it, wouldn't be tempted.  There's been milk chocolate in the fridge for weeks and they're not bothering me at all.  That's progress.   There's been marshmallows and lollies in the cupboard and they're not bothering me, chips in the drawer, gravy in the pantry, cake mixes on the bench.  I've been unfazed by any of them.    I'm seriously not craving sweet things these days.   My soul likes these things but my body does not, and I have been able to cohabitate with them fairly effectively.    I often crave potatoes but that seems to be related to low potassium and magnesium levels, so a banana is definitely a better option. 

But the chocolate cake got to me.  I like chocolate cake!!   But it was more than a liking.  It was like an emotional pull that took me backwards, to a time when food was my number one comfort - my childhood.    I didn't get any affection from anyone in my close circle as a child, other than the wrong kind of affection (physical and sexual abuse), so cooking food and eating food with people I felt close to was the next best thing.   It made life seem almost normal and bearable.   The list above is all the kinds of food offered and enjoyed by the carers in my life.     I also enjoyed making many of them with my aunty, who offered some kind of respite from home life and a place to be 'loved' in her own bizarre way.   So, all those foods, and especially chocolate cake, remind me of comfort and being loved.   

So - the chocolate cake.   After indulging in several pieces of chocolate cake, even after the visitors left, (because you can't waste it, right?), the Lord started to speak to me about soul ties to particular foods.   I didn't realise my soul ties list was quite so long!!   He showed me the link between certain foods and comfort, and spoke to me about coming to Him instead.    Food is tangible; coming to Him doesn't seem so easy, and yet it is the better way, the only way, to meet those deep needs of the soul that we often don't recognise or dismiss as unimportant or too hard.     Since He asked for and took my hidey hole, He's been talking to me a great deal about how to let Him meet my needs.  More on that here.   

Of course, it's not just food.   We can find false comfort in many things and it's different for everyone - food, money, education, fame, work, porn, sex, chemical substances, alcohol, medications, clothes, relationships, stuff, and so on.   The thing we find comfort in is not necessarily harmful in itself, though some things are inherently harmful.  The problem is that we're not allowing Him to minister to our souls.   He has a lot to say about our souls.  

My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.  Ps 84:2

In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.  Ps 94:19

For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness.  Ps 107:9

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt; open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.   Ps 81:10

O God, You are my God; early will I seek You;

My soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You

In a dry and thirsty land where there is no water.  Ps 63:1

Again, He led me back to the story of Martha and Mary.   Martha takes comfort in all she can DO for Jesus.   Mary takes comfort in being at His feet, soaking up all that He is, and letting Him love her.   

But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.  Luke 10:42

Nobody loves me like you love me Jesus

I stand in awe of Your amazing ways

I worship You as long as I am breathing

God you are faithful and true

Nobody loves me like You

Mountains

You're breaking down the weight of all my mountains

Even when it feels like I'm surrounded

You never leave my side