MOVING ON FROM LACK

I'm sitting in one of my favourite spots.  

Back in the bay, watching the seagulls and pelicans, listening to the sounds of the tide coming in.

A while back, the Lord showed me that to really heal, and stop defaulting to anger and frustration, I needed to speak out my frustrations and pain - not to a person, just to Him. To actually say them out loud, with no one else around. I thought about going for long drives but that felt too claustrophobic.   

Here at the bay, I can get up early, before the girls wake up, walk along the breakwall, and the beach, and just speak. Nobody here knows me and I'm not likely to run into someone who wants to chat.   

So I'm going to do this every morning during our week here.   

This morning's verbalising has been enlightening and painful and liberating.  

There's so much that's been buried because there's been a lack of healthy processing and a lack of supportive relationship at the time that wounds were caused.  

I've processed a fair bit in the last few years, verbally, with a few people, but there's so much that I have just not said, for all sorts of reasons - self-protection and conditioning mostly.  

This holiday comes at the end of three years of a legal battle and the closure of a long season. The Lord knew we all needed it before I did, and I honestly couldn't see how we could afford it.  

But this week has seen a major shift in our circumstances , finally, and so it's time to move forward into the next season.   

But to move forward, it's necessary to let go of some long-held lack.  

Yes, lack. Lack can be something we hold onto because we're so used to it and we think it's humility.    

We hold onto it because we think it's what He wants for us.

We hold onto it because we don't truly know His heart.  

We hold onto it because it's been taught as humility and holiness.

We hold onto it because His truths have been filtered through our lived experience. 

We hold onto it because of shame, fear and guilt.  

It looks like He is going to deal with one key area of lack at a time.  

More on that tomorrow.   

The young lions lack and suffer hunger;

But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.  Psalm 34:10