The lack He is pointing out to me and putting His finger on is the lack of healthy male input.
Is that a thing?
Apparently it is.
In a culture that has spent decades trying to minimise the difference between males and females, God's word does the opposite.
He made males to be sons, brothers, friends, husbands, fathers, grandfathers - in families and in His body, and in the community generally. Each of those male roles is very significant. The Word has a lot to say about each of those roles. It's just not stuck in one, easy-to-find passage.
His Word speaks of these roles directly and indirectly. We see them modelled throughout the story of the Bible, sometimes well and other times disastrously.
We see the impact godly men have on their family and the following generations, on their communities and on their nations.
We see the impact of evil men and insecure men and absent men and men misusing their power and strength.
The significance of healthy male influence and input is spread throughout the story and it starts at the very beginning.
He made them in His image - male and female.
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27
Simple and yet profound.
He made men to impact those around them - those in their closest relationships and those further out.
Boys and young men and all men need healthy male input.
Girls and young women and all women need healthy male input.
Healthy male input early in our lives is designed to reflect the Father and lead us into close relationship with Him. He is the ultimate good Father. He is the measure of fatherly goodness in all its facets. Men are supposed to show us who He is - a good, good Father.
A good father reflects value, sees, encourages, builds, protects, provides, affirms, provides structure and parameters, leads, guides, walks ahead, teaches, instructs, speaks the truth, trains, disciplines, holds his child accountable, loves his children, delights in his children. I'm sure there's more.
These are the things my heavenly Father has been teaching me and restoring to me, intentionally and intensely over the last five years. It's been going on all through my life really but I've been getting healed enough to see it, seek it and allow it.
That's who the Father is. That's how He works and longs to work.
If we lack genuine, healthy male interaction, that lack affects us deeply. And we spend our lives hungering for it, though we can rarely recognise or name that hunger for what it is.
How do you know you're hungering for something if you've rarely experienced it in healthy measure?
We must get to know Him and experience His presence and His reality in increasing fullness to really be whole, to fill that hunger.
I've met quite a few people who are incredibly secure and stable because their earthly father was/is such an accurate reflection and representation of the Father's heart.
Sadly, I've met many more who have grown up under a man who does not know or reflect the Father well at all.
That's certainly been my reality.
And this is the lack I believe the Lord is showing me this week in more clarity.
We women need healthy, safe relationships with men, within the parameters set out in scripture for sons, brothers, friends, husbands, fathers, grandfathers, leaders and shepherds.
Sometimes He asks us to be little girls, daughters, with Him, so that He can heal those parts that didn't get to grow well, those parts that were underdeveloped, misshapen, stunted, broken.
Recently a friend said something I've heard many times from women, including myself. Men, seriously!!
Yes, we seriously need them. Women need healthy, godly men - so do our children, families, communities, churches, governments and nations.
While I was near the bay yesterday, I asked quite a few men if I could take their photo and told them it was for my blog. I don't know any of them. I told them I was writing a piece about the value of men in our society. Some of them said no very definitely; but most of them allowed it, even with some amusement.
Men come in all shapes and sizes and we need them.
And seriously, we need good men in our lives to be the sons, brothers, friends, fathers, grandfathers, mentors and leaders God designed them to be.
But what do we do with the lack and the hunger we are left with when good men are seriously lacking in our lives?
Seeing the problem makes you want to fix it, but you can't. Our hearts were created by Him and only He has the remedy.
I've seen many people try to feed the hunger and numb the pain caused by the lack of healthy male input with addiction (even the culturally acceptable addictions), self-harm, harming others, striving, people pleasing, power plays, control, serving, ministry, etc. I've done much of that myself, well before I recognised the reason for it.
None of that works, and so often it creates more pain and chaos in our lives and those we impact. And so it goes on for each generation until someone says 'enough'.
What is the answer? This is a passage that He brings me back to regularly.
I am the Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt; Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.
“But My people would not heed My voice, And Israel would have none of Me.
So I gave them over to their own stubborn heart, To walk in their own counsels.
“Oh, that My people would listen to Me, That Israel would walk in My ways!
Psalm 81:10,11
Our hearts are broken and only a good, good Father can heal them and fill the void, restore what's lacking and enable us to grow strong and secure.
But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. 1 Peter 5:10
This man, Tim Kay, shares a short, rich insight into an often misquoted and misunderstood passage about our hearts. Tim explains that the Hebrew actually gives the meaning that our hearts are wounded and broken and only He knows them.
“The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it?
I, the Lord, search the heart.....
Jeremiah 17:9,10
But we have to bring our broken, hungry hearts to the Father - in humility, in trust, again and again.
That's our part. He does the rest.
You're a good, good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are
And I'm loved by You
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
Oh, and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching for answers only You provide
'Cause You know just what we need before we say a word
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