WE ONLY EVER SEE IN PART

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday, and this week's prompt word is PART.   

After nearly two months of quiet, it seems to be time to write again.   

We only ever see in part.  

There’s no way we can see every aspect of a situation, even if we want to and try to.

And it’s hard to see how we have played our part in the breakdown of a relationship or contributed to an implosion.

Years ago, the Lord corrected me when I said to someone, ‘There’s two sides to every story’. 

He said to me then, and reminded me again recently, that there are actually three sides.

There’s yours.

There’s mine.

And then there’s His.

He doesn’t see just your part or my part.   He sees all of it at the same time.  

He sees and deeply understands every part of the equation, every part of each person’s motives and actions and reactions.   He sees how each person played a part in the breakdown of the relationship.

He also sees when someone won’t own their part in it, but rather decides to cover it, hide it, wrap it in spiritual language, or cover for someone else who won’t own their part.

If everyone owns their part, then it’s possible to move forward, work through the issues, albeit painfully, and restore relationship, oftentimes stronger than before.

But when both sides can’t/won’t do that, then it falls on one person to wear the blame in the story, try harder, carry the weight of the pretence, to enable dysfunction to keep the peace.

There was a part of me that wanted to just leave well enough alone, to just sit quietly in the pews, to turn up when necessary, do my part, play my role and quietly retreat home each time, and stay away from most activities to reduce exposure and angst.    I asked Him if I could just stay quiet, to stay comfortable, to leave them to it most of the time, to keep the ‘peace’.   

But He had shown me things, put me in a place where I could hear and see what was happening, close up.   Something was very wrong and He was asking me to speak up.  I knew it would come at a cost, I just didn’t realise how much.  

That’s the part that was the hardest – risking the loss of approval and potentially relationship to speak up.  

He had spent over 12 months strengthening me to have the courage and clarity to speak up and risk my place, my friendships, my ministry.  All of that and more. 

And I did.  Not particularly graciously at times, but on several occasions, in different ways.

Little did I know that friendships would cease overnight, that I would be accused of various things to deflect from what I had exposed, that demands would be made that were impossible to heed and made it impossible to stay, and that all communication would cease. 

That is still creating shock waves for me, like the smashing of a stained-glass window.    All was not as it seemed.  

https://jp.pinterest.com/pin/355362226823304812/

I’ll own my part in it.   I wasn’t always gracious. I was angry and frustrated, for my sake, but also for those who’d been hurt and didn’t have the voice or the strength to speak.   I wasn’t wrong about what I could see.  

I didn’t address tensions earlier, but when I did, it was dismissed, deflected or buried.

I didn’t speak up enough, early enough, out of fear, loyalty, wanting to stay comfortable, wanting to protect my reputation.  

I can own my part, but I can’t wear the burden of everyone else’s part in the breakdown.   That’s not mine to carry.   

I’ll keep carrying what He shows me - my part - to the cross, and deal with it.   That’s my part to do. 

I acknowledged my sin to You.

And my iniquity i have not hidden. 

i said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.'

and You forgave the iniquity of my sin.   Ps 32:5

But for the sake of truth and righteousness I can’t own the parts that are not mine.   That doesn’t honour Him, doesn’t allow for forward movement, doesn’t allow for growth or change, doesn’t allow for mercy.     

Mercy requires truth, in all of its messiness.  

Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.   1 Peter 5:5-7

  

God has spoken once,
Twice I have heard this:
That power belongs to God.
Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according to his work.  Ps 62:11,12

 

In the meantime, I’m finding this lady’s perspective and support group helpful. 

https://www.instagram.com/thepearlperspective/

This song seems appropriate.    

How many times can one heart break?
It was never supposed to be this way
Look in the mirror, but you find someone you never thought you'd be

Oh, but I can still recognize
The one I love in your tear-stained eyes
I know you might not see him now, so lift your eyes to me

When you see broken beyond repair
I see healing beyond belief
When you see too far gone
I see one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods
I see something good in the making
I'm not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended