A TIME TO KEEP SILENCE AND A TIME TO SPEAK

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is TIMING.

Timing is everything!

We’ve all heard that.   It’s not quite everything but it sure is important. 

The Bible says that there is a time for everything, and that’s always helpful to remember when you’re waiting on something to change.  

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.     Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

 

I’m always amazed at God’s timing on things, even the little things.

I’m amazed at how He orchestrates events, appointments, ‘random’ interactions with ease, things that seem unconnected and yet work together to bring clarity, create solutions, provide resources, solidify connections, add meaning, heal wounds. 

I stayed in my hometown last night to visit my daughter and grandson, and catch up with a friend.   He said to me last night, “Visit the cemetery in the morning and drive past the old house”. 

I so did not see that coming!!  

So, this morning I took the opportunity to visit my parents’ joint grave.   They died about 12 weeks apart, my Dad in December and Mum in February.

It’s the first time I’ve been to their grave since Mum’s funeral and I went alone. 

I stood there and got really honest about where I was at with it all.  

No tears, no anger, just an overarching sadness at how things were for them as people, but also for us as a family.

I found myself saying out loud, but not particularly loudly,  “I’m grateful for what you gave me and did me for me, but…..

I’m also grateful to no longer be carrying the weight of your problems, responsibilities, abuse, and dysfunction.”  

As I went to walk away, the Lord quietly said to me, “You also carried the weight of their secrecy and you covered their immaturity.  You overextended yourself to cover it, because they never owned it for themselves.  

You covered their dishonesty with themselves and about themselves.    You made endless allowances and second guessed yourself because they denied the reality of their choices and the consequences.  You struggled under the weight of their neglect and their choices and their refusal to own it.”

Wow!!  I hadn’t realised how much I had normalised all of that.     

He showed me my patterns of covering up and second guessing myself, learning to dismiss what I could see so as not to cause backlash, learning to cover up secrets and compensate for destructive behaviour, learning to be quiet. 

My parents died in their dysfunction.  There was a time, in their younger years, before dementia and old age, when they could have faced it, owned it, got healed, made amends.

But they didn’t. 

My heavenly Father is a good God and He gives us many opportunities to hear truth and respond to it, to let Him touch us and heal us and reform us, so we can move forward.

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.  1 Peter 5:5,6

We all have that choice.   I challenged my parents at different times.   They didn’t listen.  

The timing of all that is interesting because I’m now in a situation where two people that I love dearly need to correct their ways, and stop hurting themselves and those under them.  

I have been dismissing my concerns, covering for them, second guessing my responses, ignoring red flags, keeping quiet to keep the ‘peace’. 

But I can’t keep doing it.  

It matters that they hear my perspective and get the opportunity to respond.

It matters for them.

It matters for me, even though I’m good at dismissing what I need.

It matters for those under them.

The Lord has been giving them warnings, prophetic pictures, and conversations, but nobody is listening.

People are pulling back or leaving, and they are blaming immaturity, hardness of heart and a lack of gratitude.  

They need to see their own part in it, and own it.   

My heart is breaking; people are hurting.

But His heart is breaking for His children, those who need a good covering, who need honesty, transparency, nurture and a safe place to be.  

The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree,
He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord
Shall flourish in the courts of our God.  Psalm 92:12,13

This was my home when I was a teenager, but it wasn’t safe, it wasn’t cared for, and it wasn’t a place to flourish.  We were all surviving.    And one by one, we all left because it was simply not a good place to be.  

This is the same house now.   The new owners have taken ownership of it all – the good and the bad.   It’s tidier, cleaner, much more functional and generally safer.  

The new owners have cleaned up a lot of mess, and got rid of what was not serving the house or its inhabitants. 

We all get these opportunities to be renovated. 

We cannot ignore the mess, the dysfunction, the warnings.  

And His timing is crucial because one day the warnings run out, the grace period runs out. 

God’s love is unconditional but His grace is not. 

………..because your heart was tender, and you humbled yourself before God when you heard His words against this place and against its inhabitants, and you humbled yourself before Me, and you tore your clothes and wept before Me, I also have heard you,” says the Lord.   2 Chronicles 34:27

Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly,
Than to divide the spoil with the proud.  Prov 16:18,19

…………but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.    John 1:17

His grace needs to land on truth and humility.   

Humility is owning what it is and how it is and asking for His help to move toward wholeness.  

For He is our God,
And we are the people of His pasture,
And the sheep of His hand.

Today (timing), if you will hear His voice:

“Do not harden your hearts……………… 

You meet me in the mire
You meet me in the mud
You meet me when I'm broken and I'm giving up
I give You all my weakness and You raise me up
Oh, God of my restoration