Are We There Yet?

I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from Me there is no saviour.

I have revealed and saved and proclaimed –

I, and not some foreign god among you.

You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “that I am God. 

Isa 43:11-12

‘Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?’ 

If you’re a parent, you’ll have heard this question just a few times.   As a toddler, Miss Abi, who is now 6, would utter these words within the first half hour of an all-day journey.   It makes you cringe, because you know you won’t hear it just once during that long journey.

From a toddler’s point of view, it’s a valid question.  They have no control over the journey, the destination, the time taken or even their own comforts.   That’s all down to you, and it’s hard to wait and trust and believe that the parent has it covered, especially if you are, by nature, a leader, and not a follower. 

Are you on a journey that you can’t control?   Do you find yourself asking ‘When, God, when?’, ‘How, God, how?’, ‘Why, God, why?’, and ‘Are we there yet?’.  Do you find yourself wanting to get out of the vehicle or at least be the driver?   Like toddlers, we can be pretty impatient and unbelieving when we can’t see or control the destination, the time frame, how or when we travel, or even how comfortable we are on the journey. 

And when find ourselves on a long, tedious journey full of unknowns and many causes for discomfort, how do we keep moving forward, how do we rest in our seats?

When I look forward at this new year, with its new numbers and possibilities, there are so many unknowns.   We head into this new year tired in many ways from last year’s struggle.  I can so relate to the Israelites in the desert, surviving on manna, walking miles each day, wondering, complaining, questioning.   What were they looking forward to, or were they even looking forward?    

Are we looking forward, or just trying to survive, just putting one foot in front of the other?   To look forward and not cringe when I hear my own ‘Are we there yet?’ questions screaming at me, I need to look back. 

I need to look back at the year that was, and remember the God who spoke those thoughts at the top of this page.   We have indeed been witnesses to Him revealing and saving and proclaiming and just being God in our turmoil.  

This last difficult, tedious, long year has been full of God’s grace – His faithfulness, His goodness, His mercy, His attention to detail, His encouragement, His promises and His lessons.  

God sent the Israelites on a journey to a place He had prepared for them, a purpose He had designed for them, with promises in hand, and power to fulfil them.    It wasn’t a quick or an easy journey, made even more difficult by their lack of knowledge of Him or trust in Him.   But He showed them.  

He showed them Who He was and what He could do.  He showed them even before they left Egypt that He was God above all gods and He called them into a growing relationship with Him.   He continued to show Himself to them, even in ways they did not appreciate. 

 

So how are we going on our journey?   Are we pretty comfortable because everything is cruisy at the moment?   Or are we still in the midst of a problem we can’t fix and constantly fighting with frustration at our lack of control, fighting doubts about God’s control and compassion, and enduring pain from the struggle?   

And what destination are we aiming for?   Is what we’re aiming for the same as what God wants for us?    

Sometimes, we can be on a journey to our preferred destination, but we find out that our journey is interrupted, that our destination, the place we are aiming for, is not necessarily what God wants, that there’s more, a higher calling, a better place, and a much more roundabout way of getting there.   Darn!   This was not the plan.

Then, we discover that it’s not about the destination but about the journey itself.   It’s about learning Who He is for us on the journey.   And it’s in the difficult journeys that we do indeed discover Him. 

This year, we’ve learnt some lessons in what God’s blessing looks like, and we’re learning that God is sovereign, much like the parent who gets to decide where, when and how the journey goes.   Submitting to that sovereignty, however, is a whole other matter, and one we wrestle with again and again. 

Are we there yet?   Apparently not, but we’ve covered a lot of ground.   And when we can’t see the way forward, when we can only see the trips and tumbles and pain from the journey so far, we need to hang onto the promises below.   

As we step into the new year, we need to remind ourselves that the same God who brought the ark to rest on a mountain, who split the Red Sea, who pulled down the impenetrable walls of Jericho and who ripped the temple curtain in two, that very same God has got this and is on our journey.  

‘This is what the Lord says— He who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.’  Isa 43:16-19

Roses and Rafting

Roses and rafting don’t exactly go together, eh?   No, I guess they don’t, but for us, this year, they most certainly do.   Let me tell you why.  

Just recently, the Lord gave me an analogy of us being on a raft, going on a journey, in very unfamiliar territory (the waves!) to an unknown destination with an unknown time frame.    Are you feeling comfortable with that?   No, we’re not either, but God has comforted us in it and made this temporary dwelling place and this journey reasonably comfortable, when we stop to appreciate it.  

So, a raft is a fairly temporary thing, right?   It’s not meant to be a permanent dwelling or a long-term place to be, nor a particularly stable way to get from here to there.   Rafts tend to be employed when there aren’t other, more conventional methods of transport.  A raft needs to stay fairly level to be able to keep moving, or your journey is going to go belly up.   And the steering isn’t always great on them, either.    I keep reminding myself, all of us really,  that the ark didn’t have a steering wheel either and I don’t think Noah had an end date or location or working plan B for his God-ordained adventure.   

So, here we are in a temporary dwelling, away from home for over 9 months now, so that Anna can recuperate from a life-threatening illness.     We don’t know how long we’ll be here or how this whole thing will play out, and no matter how much we press the Lord for definitive answers, He is only giving us enough information or direction to move towards healing, enough to make us come back for more. 

Why?   Partly because we simply can’t take in all the information we need in one hit.  Like a wave, it can be overwhelming to know everything at once and we can over-correct, which isn’t a great idea in a raft.   He also knows we will run ahead in our attempts to control the direction of the raft, and probably tip ourselves overboard in the process.   We’ve come close to that a few times.   So, our current journey is one of leaning in and listening, of tweaking, balancing and re-balancing, riding the sometimes tumultuous waves and then coming back to some kind of peace, and sometimes just plain old staying afloat in the doldrums, when nothing appears to be moving us forward.   

In the midst of trying to find out exactly what is wrong, physically, and why, and where to go from here, there are many other things God is interested in doing in all our lives.   While I can’t elaborate on all of that, can I just say that God isn’t wasting the exercise on any of us.   There is so much going on in the lives of everyone in our family, and God hasn’t wasted any of the difficulties we have faced and still do face, using them instead to refine us, to give us new perspective and new understanding on old problems and patterns, some of which we’ve seen, some we haven’t.    The problems are spiritual, emotional, relational, physical, genetic and just plain sin, all nicely mixed up together.   And because they’re all inter-connected, it’s a tough job to untangle the mess and put things right.    Us being human, we just can’t see all that’s not right, let alone put it right, so if we want it to be right, we have to leave it to the One who knows exactly what to do and when and how, which means being out of control.  

Much like being on a raft, really.  It means having to trust when we can’t see how it’s going to change.  It means putting one foot in front of the other when we’re exhausted and frustrated and scared.   Sometimes it simply means to stay on the darn raft and hang on and try to be nice to each other on the journey!! 

It means trusting that there is a destination, a good one, and that God knows that destination as well as He has known all our previous destinations and seasons and challenges.   It means trusting that what He’s doing now is leading us to that ‘promised land’, and preparing us for that, all the while allowing us to enjoy the current journey, as much as we are able and willing to do that.  

All of this leads me to wonder how much the pilgrims enjoyed their journey to the shores of America, with all its challenges, while grieving all they left behind, not knowing what, or who, lay before them or when.  

So, where do the roses fit into it?    They are a part of the beauty of this raft God has us on.   This house fits us well, though not perfect and ‘not a palace’, as the real estate agent so eloquently described it.   It’s in a quiet street in a quiet town, just up the road from the swimming pool, Kids’ Club, the library, a lovely little café and an IGA.   It’s only 15 minutes to extended family, medical appointments and larger shops and supplies.   There is a place for both cars to be sheltered from storms, of which there have been many lately.   It has two living rooms, so plenty of space for everyone.   The girls have room to move in their bedroom, room to play, and room for what they actually need, which has been enlightening for them.   The Lord provided us with a very reasonable, almost-new trampoline within minutes of us asking for it which has made the house so much quieter!  The girls have been able to do gymnastics since July and made some young friends.   We have a dishwasher (never thought I would be so thankful for that contraption!).    God has led us to so many ‘just right’ pieces of furniture and equipment that we need not just to survive, but to thrive, on our raft, our temporary dwelling.    The wood heater kept the house very warm in the winter which was an important part of Anna’s early recovery, with no extra heating necessary.   The bird life here is amazing and there is little trouble in the neighbourhood.  

And the roses?   The roses, during the winter, were a reminder of new life coming and reminded us how important pruning is.  And now, in the spring, they are in full bloom, and reminders of the beauty and growth God has planned for each of us, in due season.   Each rose bush has a different coloured bloom, but each one is amazing.   We don’t cut them and bring them inside because we’d all be sneezing, but we appreciate how much they beautify our little raft, our place to float and trust that God’s got this, now and for the rest of this journey with all its unknowns. 

So, if you’re in transition, or on a journey you didn’t choose, remember, He makes everything beautiful, right, and appropriate in its time.   

 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.   Ecclesiastes 3:11

Happy Birthday, Liz

LIZZY'S BIRTH STORY

About 26 years ago, we lived in Brewarrina, a small town in north-western NSW, and I was pregnant with our first child. 

Brewarrina was a very small town, so we often went to Dubbo, about 5 hours' drive away, for shopping and medical check ups. 

On this particular trip to Dubbo, I was about 34.5 weeks pregnant and we were having a check up because my local doctor had thought I was a bit small for that gestation, so he wanted some checks done in a larger centre. 

So, after a couple of days of shopping, we marched into the ultrasound room, hoping to get the checks done and dusted, so we could start on our 5hr journey back to Brewarrina.    I wasn't feeling great, seeing stars and had a bit of a headache, but put it down to too much heat and shopping.   We were sick of the big smoke and the heat and ready to head north.   Little did we realise what a little smoke Dubbo was compared to Sydney. 

The ultrasound specialist began her checks and got very quiet.  She called in another technician and they both look worried.   Someone checked my blood pressure and asked a few questions.  Then they panicked!  

They gave us a pretty bleak scenario.  This child possibly had an external bladder and/or kidneys and was growth retarded and they weren't sure why.  My blood pressure was through the roof and I was being sent to Sydney immediately on a plane for specialist treatment.

'Um, excuse me, we're actually going home.  It's all good, you're all over-reacting and we just want to get home before it gets too late and we have to drive into the sun.' 

No, we weren't going home and it finally sank in how serious this could be.   So, I stayed put while hubby dashed off to let our Christian friends at St Faiths House of Prayer know to start praying!   Thankfully, there was a prayer retreat happening at the time, so there were plenty of pray-ers. No mobile phones back then to send text messages, no Facebook for quick coverage, just leg work. 

In the meantime, the medical staff started the process of organising a plane for me to go to Sydney, and let Dave know that he'd have to drive down.     I wasn't allowed out of bed and was told I had this condition and that condition, most of which I'd never heard of.  We then decided to freak the parents out, giving them enough information to worry and not enough to put their minds at rest, because we honestly didn't know ourselves what was going on.   It was a difficult time for them, because it was very difficult to get in touch with us and find out what was going on.  No mobile phones and this was the first grandchild on both sides of the family. 

So, on the plane, I'm lying on my back, thinking that I was going in the wrong direction and where was my hubby and what on earth was going to happen to this baby.    I remember looking out the plane window, seeing some clouds and lots of blue, and feeling pretty helpless, and I began thinking of some lines from a song I'd sung in church many times - 'God who made the earth, the air, the sky, the sea, Who gave the light its birth, careth for me.'  It sure was a big sky and I needed an even bigger God to fix this problem.   I felt quite calm after that and the attending nurse was glad of it, because anxiety wasn't helping my elevated blood pressure.  

We got to Sydney and I was taken by ambulance to King George V Women's Hospital, part of Royal Prince Alfred, and eventually sent off to intensive care, where I was parked next to a lady with gestational diabetes who was in a bit of strife.   Because it was only a few days before Christmas and something like midnight when I arrived in the ward, they were scrambling to find specialists.   A young female doctor came in, an intern from memory, and her first words were pretty chilling and not at all comforting - 'If this was the 1950s, you'd both be dead!'   'Um, thanks.  Your bedside manner could use some work', I thought to myself.  

So, here I am in Sydney, in intensive care, with a chatty and very sick lady next to me, wondering what on earth is going to happen next.   It's past midnight, I should be asleep, at home, about 800km away, with my hubby, but I'm not.  Hubby had had to get the car out of the garage where it was being serviced, try and convince the bank to give us a cash advance on our mastercard at short notice, and then drive to Sydney late in the day, not knowing where on earth he was supposed to go.   On the way through the Blue Mountains, he followed a truck with a large boat on it.   He suddenly felt an urgency to pull up, and did, and had he not done so, he would have been hit by the boat because it came loose from the truck.   When he finally got to the edge of the city, he rang NRMA, and someone kindly escorted him to Newtown and showed him how to get to where he needed to be.  I think he arrived at something like 2am, only to find me wide awake! 

The next day, they gave me endless drugs to get my blood pressure down, told me I had something called pre-eclampsia and oedema and that my baby would undoubtedly be born with life-threatening issues, based on the ultrasound information.   They did another ultrasound and decided that something must be wrong with the ultrasound machine back at Dubbo, because the baby was now bigger than the technician back there had measured her to be.     The original measurement showed that she was about 9 weeks behind in her growth, and this one showed her to be only about 7 weeks behind.   We put that down to prayer! 

They then put a central line into my heart, to control the blood pressure.  That was a whole lot of fun and the bruises were amazing.   

I also got my first taste of a catheter and endless canulas!   They did another ultrasound and found it gave yet another size reading, a bit bigger again.  More prayer from the fervent pray-ers!   After another 36 hours of drugs and endless conversations about conditions we had never heard of, it was decided that they needed to do an emergency caesarean because the continued elevation in my blood pressure could kill one or both of us.    I remember them saying they had given me enough drugs to knock out a football team and nothing was improving. 

So, Elizabeth Sarah was born by emergency caesarean in the early evening of  22nd December, 1991, about six weeks early.  She weighed in at one and a half bags of sugar (so dubbed by our friend Suzy), which translates to about 1.5kg or 3lb 6oz.  She came out looking like a frog - skinny legs and arms and a big belly.   She had a tinge of red hair and looked a lot like her Dad!  (No, he doesn't look like a frog!).   She had a large bubble on her belly button, which they had mistaken for incorrect placement of her bladder and kidneys, but it was all good.   It was a sac of amniotic fluid that soon went down.  

She went into a humidicrib and I wasn't allowed to be with her for about the first 36 hours because she was so tiny and I was still so sick.   Dave spent his time going between the two of us.  

At just four days old, she started to breastfeed, though we continued tube-feeding her as well.   I spent my spare time mastering the art of walking with swollen legs, a large, painful scar and many bruises.   You don't realise how hard it is to walk up and down steps until every part of you is in pain. 

Liz made good progress and at just 12 days old, she became the youngest and smallest baby ever released from the NICU, and we started heading back to Dubbo with our little 'doll'.  We couldn't find any clothes small enough (premmie clothes were virtually non-existent back then) so we went to a toy shop and bought some dolls' clothes.  Thankfully it was summer and we didn't need a lot once we got home to the Brewarrina heat.   We still have the one premmie jumpsuit we were able to buy, which is equivalent to a 0000, and even that was too big for her.   

Lizzy's Grandma made cotton nappies the size of men's hankies and a few little dresses, but mostly she lived in a few small cotton tops and nappies.  Lizzy's great-grandmother, Nan Gardner, knitted her a few bonnets and used an orange to guage the right size for them and got busy knitting some clothes for the cooler months.  She died when Liz was just a few months old, grateful to have seen and held her first great-grandchild.   

I'm thankful, looking back, that Liz was our first baby because we didn't realise just how tiny she was.   Many others did and often marvelled at her.    She took about 18 months to catch up to 'normal' size and you wouldn't know now that she was a premmie.  

We've had quite a few medical emergencies since then and the lessons learned in this first big test we have never forgotten.  The biggest lesson learnt and still being learnt is that when you're out of your depth and you really can't do anything, you have to trust God because He is bigger than all of it and He can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask or imagine. 

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory...............  Ephesians 3:20

This is the hymn I learnt and sang many times as a child, the first verse of which I remembered and sang again and again during that time. 
1 God who made the earth,
the air, the sky, the sea,
who gave the light its birth,
careth for me.
2 God who made the grass,
the flow'r, the fruit, the tree,
the day and night to pass,
careth for me.
3 God who made the sun,
The moon, the stars, is he
who, when life's clouds come on,
careth for me.
4 God who sent his Son
to die on Calvary,
he if I lean on him,
will care for me.
Author:  Sarah Betts Rhodes (1870)

So, Happy 26th Birthday, Liz!  It's lovely to see you with your own little people now, knowing that you've survived a few of your own medical dramas and found God faithful in the midst of them all.   It's lovely to see you following hard after Him, and growing in the God who made the earth, the air, the sky, the sea and who careth for you.  

When God Reveals Something, How Do We Respond?

I've been reading a book called Sensible Shoes by Sharon Garlough Brown about  the spiritual journey.   We're all on a journey.     If you're a Christian, then you should be walking with God and moving forward, or at least not going backwards - though that is sometimes very hard to do, right?    Our spiritual life is always changing - growing and bearing fruit, or not growing and gradually dying, even if not obvious at first.  

But, maybe you've been hit hard by some stuff - death, loss, illness, incapacity, rejection, betrayal, toxic relationships, parenting, abuse - the list goes on.    When we're hit hard, we're tempted to retreat within and we often get lost and confused and can't seem to feel or hear God anywhere, in anything we read or hear.  Even interacting with His people can leave us feeling worse, not better.    So, how do we move forward, or just plain old get back up again?  

In Sensible Shoes, the characters are challenged, during a prayer retreat, to connect with God in a deeper, more honest way.    They are all broken and stagnant and stuck and withdrawn in some way, for different reasons, and not sure how to move forward.   One of the key tools presented to them for connecting better and deeper with God is to put themselves in a Bible story or situation or verse and to see what jumps out at them, what annoys them, what hits a nerve, what makes them cry or laugh or get defensive or want to run away.   Those are the places to start again if we're bogged, the places to sit and wait on God, to find out why we're reacting, to be really honest with ourselves and Him, and to then receive from Him.  

We can get so bogged down and negative and depressed and alone in our journey.   But God.   But God is waiting - waiting to speak with us, to give to us, to bless us, to fill us, to heal us, to restore us and so much more.   But, we have to be open to Him.   We have to seek Him and to find Him on that journey, not because He's hiding, but because we are so used to doing it alone and finding our own solutions and trying to clean up our own mess.   

In re-reading through parts of the book, I was inspired to make a word picture, if you like, of what our spiritual journey can be like.    The leader of the retreat takes her participants through a labyrinth, an old-world custom of winding backwards and forwards to a central point, pausing to contemplate and listen to God, to be filled by Him in the centre, and gradually moving on and receiving from Him on the way out.     Partly inspired by that, and partly by a play on words, I wanted to share this word picture with you and hope you can find here a treasure or two to help you on your journey.  

So, as you begin at the starting point, whether you're deliberately waiting on God or whether He interrupts your everyday life in some way, my question is this - 'When God reveals something, how do we respond?'   Let's start there, at the arrow.  

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.   Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart .....
Jer 29:11-13

NO NEW PLAN, NO RESOLUTIONS, NO 3 STEPS TO A BETTER ME!

Have you been reading the very many memes and ads and thoughts being presented on blogs, social media, the news, TV as to how to step into this new year - 2017?   I think I've seen it all - 3 steps to get fit, 4 ways to improve your health, 5 things to learn this year, 17 great thoughts for the new year, 21 people to emulate, 13 hoops to jump through, 10 new ingredients to cook with, 5 things to quit, and so it goes on.    There's nothing wrong with any of it, really, but it's not where I'm heading this new year, as tempting as they all sound. 

Have any new year thoughts or plans grabbed your attention over the last few days?   Did something ring true with you or inspire you or make you feel guilty enough to listen, to take notice?    Some of the thoughts I've seen have grabbed my attention, so I'll share them with you in no particular order. 

"Actions flow from values. That’s why resolutions usually fail.”   The blog writer suggested assessing what you value by writing down your activities and expenditure for a month and see what you were busy doing and spending money on.  That's a worthwhile task, probably more effective than  making resolutions you won't keep, because unless your values change, you won't see lasting change in your actions.   You can read more of that blog post here. 

Another one was this one-liner:    ‘Don’t go into 2017 with a rolling stop.’  I had to think about that one, but it was basically saying we shouldn't roll through a stop sign, but actually stop and look before we move on.  It's a good thought.   And we shouldn't just roll into another year.   Yes, the first day of the year is just another day, but God marks times and seasons and so should we.    If you have Facebook, you can read more here.

This is a quote I found with a picture of a chick, fairly newly hatched out of its egg.   

'If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends.   If broken by an inside force, life begins.   Great things always begin from the inside'. 

That one resonated with me, because God has been speaking to me about honesty on the inside, and that transformation has to start there - in our inmost being.   We can't be transformed if we keep pretending what's in there isn't really there or isn't as rotten or painful or complicated as it is.    We can't be transformed if we keep 'behaving ourselves' on the outside and ignoring the inner mess and pain.   God sees it, we need to let ourselves see it, and let Him touch, heal and change us. 

And here's another one.   'Christ's example helps me see the value of doing small things with great love.'   This is just a small part of the Queen's Christmas address for 2016, where she talks of being inspired by ordinary people doing extraordinary things.   God has been speaking to me about being more concerned with being Jesus to those in whose lives I am or could be 'big' or very significant, than striving to be big in the opinion of others. 

And here is another one that I am reminded of - 'So that's what I'm going to do. No goals. No timeframes. Just day by day,'    This lady was speaking of just taking one day at a time, one challenge at a time, one victory at a time. 

So, I take all these thoughts with me into the new year, and many more besides.     These thoughts, and more that are not mentioned, have grabbed my attention and I am tempted to write them all down, in different colours, and stick them up somewhere.  

But, Someone keeps grabbing my attention and reminding me of His thoughts for me for this year.     And it isn't about a ten-point plan to do better, be better, do more, try harder, nor is it about making goals.    Instead, He keeps asking me to journey with Him, one day at a time, to listen to His heart's desires, His goals, daily or even hourly, to get really honest with myself and Him, to be transformed from the inside out.  

Something He grabbed my attention with just last night while reading the book, Sensible Shoes, was this verse about Hagar. 

'...where have you come from and where are you going?'  Genesis 16:8  

I thought that was a pretty appropriate question for the first day of the year.   I have been pondering on that one all day.   It will probably take me the whole year and beyond to answer those questions.  

I was listening to a sermon last night that spoke of how Jesus grabbed Peters' attention when the fishing boat became so loaded with fish it was in danger of sinking.  I've heard this story many times, often in the context of not expecting enough of God, not asking for enough, being immensely blessed, reaching more people for Christ, etc.  But last night, I got something else out of it.  

The preacher suggested that Peter and Jesus knew each other before that incident, that they had perhaps grown up in the same town, attended the same synagogue, knew the same people.   Jesus had been preaching to people before this incident, and it was not long after Jesus was baptised and infilled by the Holy Spirit.    So, did something other than Jesus' words and His miracle grab Peters' attention that day?  That day,  why did Peter suddenly understand his own sinfulness and Jesus' Lordship? 

Did He suddenly see Jesus in a new light, suddenly understand something of Jesus' power and His purpose, experience something of His anointing that day?  We don't know, we weren't there, but something changed.   Jesus grabbed Peter's attention to the point that Peter dropped everything to follow Him.

Could that same Someone grab our attention as we head into this new year with our goals, our resolutions, our lists, our plans, our budgets and our burdens?  

Can we stop and look before we roll into another year? 

Can we stop and listen and be overawed, once again, at who Jesus is and just start anew the journey with Him? 

Can we be led by Him, taught by Him, challenged by Him, changed by Him, as Peter surely was those three and a half years and well beyond?   

Can we drop our plans, goals, resolutions, lists right there on the beach like Peter dropped his very full nets?   His nets were full of provision and future and goals and normal, but something about Jesus caused Peter to leave it all behind.

Can we just follow Him into this new year?   

Can we stay close enough to listen, learn, love and absorb who He is this year?  

Luke 5:11  So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed Him.

Who's Testing Me?

Sometimes, life feels like a giant test - a test that you can't pass, a test that's designed to make you look and feel like a failure, that's designed to keep you down, to make you feel silly, to bring you down and keep you there.  

How much more work can someone pile on your plate before you run out of strength?   How much more pain can you endure before you can't take it any more?  How many more mental games can you navigate before you finally crack?   How many more times can you get it wrong?   How much can you keep giving before there's nothing left to give?    How often can you bounce back up when you're knocked down?    How much testing can one person endure before something is broken? 

Sounds like the enemy's work to me.   He comes to steal, kill and destroy.    His plan is to break us, to break our trust, break our strength, break our hearts.  

But, God is good, and I've learnt that believing anything else is a dangerous place to be when you're in a test of any kind.  Whether it's God-made, man-made, enemy-made, or, as is often the case, a combination of the afore-mentioned, mixed with consequences of my sin and/or someone else's, God is the only sure footing.   Sometimes, a determined belief in and experience of the goodness of God is the only comfort in the test, and should be added to a listening ear, to hear HIS perspective on the test and its source and its purpose. 

One of the hardest parts in the middle of the test is believing and knowing that God isn't out to break us, bring us down, keep us down, belittle us, make us feel or look small.   That's not what His tests are designed to do.    His tests are designed to make us shine!  

This little rose plant is the same as in the picture above!   Only God can make us shine like that! 

The Bible says God tests us and that the testing of our faith is good for us.   

  
Don't know about you, but severe and constant testing doesn't feel 'good' at all to me.  

Something I learned in the first round of homeschooling, that was a revelation to me, because of my schooling and my upbringing, is that tests should NOT be used to shame and belittle, but to help the student to learn something, see a weakness and work towards fixing it, build knowledge, make room for growth.  They also shouldn't be the main part of education - so foreign to how I'd been tested.   And testing to a high standard is good, because otherwise we never pass the test or move on to another one - we're stuck at that level of knowledge, maturity, growth and with it, frustration and apathy. 

I'm so glad that God's testing is always motivated by His mercy, in its many forms, and not by pride, superiority, insecurity, perfectionism or other traits that have been inherent in my human testers.

  
Did you know that the silversmith knows that the silver is at its purest when he can finally see his reflection in it?

And did you know that the gardener is never as close to his roses as when he's pruning them? 

God's testing is up close and personal, not like the tests handed out in big high school auditoriums,  or by an enemy who views us with disdain or someone who is insecure and needs us to be 'down there'.    And with God, we don't have to pull back when the results aren't great - the results don't surprise Him, though they often surprise us.   

So, note to self, once again, trust God's goodness in the test, don't assume it's all Him, and listen to His still, small voice in the storm - it's there.  

Psalm 51: 10- 12    Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.   Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.   Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Linking up at Five Minute Friday, where we write for five minutes on a given prompt.   This week's prompt word is 'test'. 

Photos courtesy of our friend, Suzy.  

Staying on the Road!

This is our road, the one that I've slid along too many times these past few weeks.   It's not a path, as such, but it's a road God has used to teach me some things about staying on the path He sets for us.    This road has ruts in it and when it's wet, you better stay in those ruts, because otherwise you go sliding all over the road and end up in the drain.    The roads with ruts are actually better than the ones without, because at least there is something keeping you on the crest of the road and not sliding sideways towards the drain.   My path might not be straight, but I do like to stay on the road!   

I do not look forward to driving on this road when it's wet.    My husband does this stuff for a living and doesn't mind it;  young people we've had here have found it fun and challenging and exciting.  Not me.  I just want an easy drive and a quick one.   I don't want to struggle or suffer or be challenged and I don't like sliding sideways - fast or slow!   

Sometimes the path God chooses for us, or perhaps we've inadvertently chosen for ourselves, is a lot like this road.  It doesn't feel like a good place to be, or fun, or the right fit for us, or comfortable, or helpful.     And it's hard to stay on that path, even though we know it's where God has us right now.   

And it's hard to keep steering and keep moving forward on that path, because it's difficult and tedious and tiring and sometimes all-consuming.   It takes all our emotional and mental energy to just keep moving forward, albeit ever so slowly and not give up or turn back.   You can't turn around on our road - you're stuck, which is probably just as well, 'cause it's taught me to keep going!  You either keep poking along and eventually get there, or get bogged trying, or you give up and sit in the middle of the road, which makes the journey that much harder, because once your vehicle has lost its momentum, however tedious and slow that is, it is very hard to get going again. 

Of course, driving on a road for 30-40 minutes in these conditions is different to being on a difficult path for months or even years at a time, but I've done that too and some things feel much the same to me.   It's hard and depressing and you can dread it the whole way through, with your hands stuck so tight to the wheel you have to peel them off at the end.   Or you can relax just a little, but keep steering, keep moving, keep going forward while you keep trusting and submitting your ways to His, keep acknowledging Him, and keep believing that He cares, He's there, He's working on it, He's helping in real ways, unseen ways.  

In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.   Proverbs 3:6.

Linking up at Five Minute Friday, a party of writers who write on a given prompt every Friday.  Today's prompt word is 'path'. 

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How Loyal Are You?

I took this picture of the moon last week. 

It's pretty impressive - the moon, that is.   It really lit up the  darkness for a few nights and made it hard to sleep.  The dogs barked all night because they could see things running around.   The sheep were noisier than usual - perhaps there were more predators out and about on those nights.

It lit up a place that is normally dark - being 40km from town lights, it gets pretty dark here at night when the lights are out.

You're probably wondering what on earth the moon has to due with being loyal, right?  Well, the moon reminds me a bit of undue loyalty.    It looks pretty impressive and it is - a huge great ball in the sky, but it doesn't have any light of its own - it is merely reflecting the sun's light back to us on earth.  

Now look at this picture of the moon taken just an hour or so earlier.

It doesn't look quite so bright, does it?    It isn't quite so impressive in the light of the sun shining.   And the sun was shining behind me, in the west, as it was slowly setting.
 
And you know it reminds me of the something that happened this week, where a person was being incredibly loyal to her hubby, unduly loyal, at the cost of integrity, and her sons' respect, and that of others too.    Her hubby is her source of wisdom and 'light' and the reference point for her value and her values.   He is the light in her dark place.    But she doesn't realise just how poor his light is in comparison to the Son, the Son who values her regardless of how she performs or looks, regardless of how much money they have or how 'well-bred' they are or the car they drive or their other status symbols.    I felt sorry for her, even though in being loyal to him she disappointed us and refrained from doing what was right.   And it was obvious that she was refraining and being restrained, though not physically - her loyalty was restraining her.   

We're not meant to be loyal to someone on this earth above God and His ways. 

Jesus had some things to say about being loyal to Him above all else, and all others.

It reminds me, again, of how much liberty there really is in having God in His rightful place in our lives.   When the light of His Word, His truth, His very presence shines in our lives, then we know that we must be loyal to Him first for anything and everything else to  make sense.   I have seen and felt the damage, firsthand, when we are, I am, loyal to a person or a theology or group or doctrine above being loyal to Him.   It's like living in the light of the moon, all the time, and not realising there even is a sun. 

He made both the sun and the moon and He is greater than both.  I don't want loyalty to anyone or anything else to turn my day into night, not any more.   

Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of HIM.   Psalm 33:8

Linking up at Five Minute Friday, a writing party where we get to write for five minutes on a prompt word.  Today's prompt is 'loyal'.  

Team Work

Last night, I was watching some of the Olympics reporting, while I read in front of the fire.
I watched a short segment about the Australian Men's Basketball team.  Now, I don't follow basketball, at all, so I know very little about it, but I watched with interest as this team of guys did something amazing.  No, it wasn't winning their game or a medal.    They lost their game against Serbia, even though they were the favourites.  So now they can fight it out against Spain for the bronze medal.    It's a big deal over here, apparently.  

I love this comment from an online news report, and I guess this sums up what makes this team work well, though he acknowledges other factors as well.
'....a team-wide willingness to find the open man has contributed to Australia’s tournament-leading field goal percentage.'

Now, I don't really understand basketball, but I understand that no one person is carrying the load, no one person is getting all the big shots and all glory, no one person is doing all the big stuff but together they're trying to win their game.   And apparently it's what is helping them to shine. 

But, what  caught my interest about this team is how unified they were as a team and what they did in a remote, Aboriginal community in a bonding exercise.   Of course, whether they win that medal will be all over the news for the next week or so (their match is Monday morning, AEST), so we won't know for a few days.   There will no doubt be criticism or applaud and probably both, as there already is.    

But what they did as a team in that Aboriginal community makes me proud of them, as an Aussie.     They went there to bond together, to help their team, but also to help out the community in practical and philosophical ways.  They fixed up the basketball courts so the kids could play on them again, and they encouraged and inspired some young people to reach higher  and look beyond their circumstances.   You can read about it here.

And when I look at the Olympic rowers in their boats, I am reminded that if they didn't all work together and head in the same direction, it would look ridiculous and they would invariably lose their races.   I guess it would be pretty obvious in something like a rowing contest. 

So, I guess team work is about all wanting the same thing and be heading in the same direction and for no one person to be carrying the load or needing to get all the glory.   

So, when I see a team falling apart (a marriage, a church, an organisation, a home school family), I wonder if perhaps one person is carrying too much, trying to do too much or perhaps one person is getting/needing/wanting the glory, or perhaps they don't know where they're headed or why or how to fix it. 

Praise God He sets the standard for what makes a team work well. 

Philippians 2:1-9   So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him.

Linking up at Five Minute Friday, where we write for five minutes on a prompt word.  Today's word is 'team'. 

AT REST IN HIS HAPPY PLACE

Oh, to be a dog, eh?  This is our gorgeous dog, Kaelen.  He is a pure-bred kelpie, bought and trained from a pup by our second-oldest daughter Anna.  He has a pedigree.   He was bred for a purpose.  He was brought here for a purpose.  His purpose here is to help us move sheep around and move them through the yards.  But, most of the time, he doesn't do that, because there isn't that much sheep work to do here.  So, his happiest moments are when he's flying through the air, chasing a tennis ball.   His eyes glow and his body is agile and he is alive!!   He spends hours sitting, sometimes staring at me through the kitchen window, begging me with his eyes to come and play.  And when I do, he's so happy.  He loves long runs around the farm, following after a motorbike or vehicle, but his happy place is chasing that ball.  

What is your happy place?   Is it just when you are fulfilling the purpose for which you were signed up to whatever role you play in life?   Or is it when you are enjoying yourself and enjoying the company of those who love you and whom you love?  

I look at my mother who, sadly, has spent her whole life trying to make others happy, and at this late stage in her life, she feels like a massive failure because they are often unhappy, but the failure isn't hers.  It's theirs.   It was never her purpose to make them happy, not in God's eyes.  Her purpose, the reason He thought of her, designed her, created her, was to enjoy Him and enjoy herself.    She doesn't know that.   She thinks she's here on this earth to make people happy and to constantly miss out and let go and forego to keep them that way.  But the people she's trying to make happy have choices to make, and the choices they make mean they will never be happy.   Because for them to be happy means to exalt themselves and to have their own way, all the time.    That is NOT happy.   They are not happy and the people they 'love' are not happy.

I wonder what makes God happy?   And He's not someone who needs to have it all His own way to be happy.  He is happy when we are living a full life, a life overflowing with the goodness He first placed in this world.   He is happy when we make good choices, right choices, holy choices, and when we choose happy for ourselves, a happy not based on our circumstances, but grounded in our hearts.   A happy that starts in our hearts, founded on knowing His love and being grateful to Him and confident in Him, in the midst of any circumstance.   A happy that starts and stays in fearing Him above all others, wanting to bring Him happy (pleasure), not appeasing someone else.

I've just recently read some of John Bevere's thoughts on fearing the Lord, and I found this verse:  

 
The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied  Proverbs 19:23

Are we satisfied and happy in Him?   Are we at rest, happy that we bring Him pleasure, make Him happy above all else, above everyone else?   Have we found the ultimate happy that He offers - to delight in Him as He delights in us. 

Linking up with Kate Motaung at Five Minute Friday, where the prompt word for today is 'happy'.

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The Relentless Love of God

by Kath

Recently we went to the coast for a week's holiday and on our last night there, we went for a  rather long walk along the edge of the breakwall, just on dusk.  

I am always fascinated by the water at the edge of these dangerous precipices, especially when it's a long way down, over  large jagged rocks.  It doesn't feel terribly safe to me, but I'm still fascinated.  And just to add to the unsafe feeling, I was walking along, hanging onto the hand of a small person who insisted on dancing and bouncing around, rather than just walking sedately along, and the path we were walking, or bouncing, on, wasn't particularly wide, with water on both sides. 

On this last long walk, what really grabbed my attention was the constant movement of the water.    It didn't stop.  It just kept lapping, lapping, lapping up against the rocks.    It was even more constant than my six year old's chatter, and that was something to marvel at.   And it was quiet and yet powerful all at once.   Of course, the waves were quite small, being inside a large bay area and not out in the open ocean.  But they were still constant.    In fact, they never stopped, just kept coming, quietly, powerfully, constantly - relentless.

I gotta say, the ocean scares me a bit.  I enjoy the sea, don't mind having a paddle in shallow water, but I'm quite wary of it, having been dumped a few times and having been caught in a rip a number of years ago.   The power of waves and rips to pull you where you don't want to go, to pull you down and turn you over and over makes you realise how powerless you really are.  

What drives those waves?   Of course, science tells us it's the pull of the moon on our planet and I guess that makes sense.    But the Bible says that God is the Lord of the sea.

Job 38:8-11

“Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,
when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness,
when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place,
when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?

Prov 8:29 When He set for the sea its boundary, so that the water would not transgress His command, When He marked out the foundations of the earth..........

During our time at the coast, we swam at  a beach just a little further down the coastline, which was still quite sheltered by comparison to other beaches, where the waves were a bit larger, and the pull of the water stronger.   Our littlest person got dumped by one of those waves, and realised, in real terms, the power of the water.  She had had great plans of swimming a long way out, alone, and being the master of her little situation, with hands on hips, stomping of feet and very definite speech.  She was going to do what she wanted in that water.   After her dumping, about two  minutes after she stepped into the water, we didn't have to tell her any more that the sea can be a dangerous place.    She felt it and it frightened her and humbled her, for a while.    She didn't go back in at the 'big' beach.  

When I looked at that little bit of the sea that last evening, lapping up against the breakwall, constantly and quietly, but powerfully, I realised that it was just a very, very small part of the very large ocean that graces our planet.    And the waves that grace our planet are much more powerful and potentially damaging in many other places.   

And they are relentless - they never stop coming, the water never stops lapping or crashing or pulling against the shore. 

And yet God is more powerful than our ocean, and I was reminded that it's not just His power, but His love and goodness, that are relentless.   

More than the sounds of many waters, than the mighty breakers of the sea, the LORD on high is mighty. Ps 93:4

God is mighty in His power, but He is mighty in His love.   His love is relentless, like the ocean, lapping, lapping, lapping against the breakwalls of our lives, and sometimes crashing down upon them.    God's love is constant - constantly coming, constantly in motion, constantly there, often quiet, but sometimes powerfully crashing against the walls of our lives and breaking them down.   

We could imagine that His love is like the ocean and that the water is His goodness - full of life, but full of power and constantly in motion, not passive, not stale, and not necessarily 'safe' at times.   It reminds me of the famous line from Narnia, 'Is he safe?   No, but he is good.'  

Sometimes, God's power breaks things in our lives and breaks down our resistance and safety nets, only to be replaced by something much stronger and eternal and unbreakable.   It would be a frightening thing if God were not good, because then His power would be destructive without a purpose, without goodness, just raw power.   

In Psalm 23, it says,

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.

In the original text, that word for follow is 'radaph', which doesn't mean to follow along placidly, but rather to hunt down.   So the text should read, 'Surely Your goodness and love will hunt me down all the days of my life.'    We don't think of hunted and love as belonging in the same sentence, and yet here they do.  In this passage, one of the most well-known passages of Scripture, it speaks of being hunted down by love and goodness - a bit like the waves of the ocean relentlessly crashing against the shore. 

God's love and goodness are relentless, powerful, quiet, moving, alive, constant, just like the ocean, only the ocean is a copy, not the real thing, a physical  manifestation of the even more real, tangible and powerful goodness of God.   And love and goodness are who He is, not what He does.   

Even after we were safely inside our unit for the night, those waves wouldn't have stopped.  Even now as I write, hundreds of kilometres away, and I can no longer see them or hear them, they haven't stopped.  The sea doesn't stop, just because I can't see it or hear it or feel it.   It's good to get to the ocean, if you can't live near it, to be reminded of the power of it.   But even when you can't see it or hear it or feel it, it doesn't stop.    And it's a very tangible reminder that even when we can't see or hear or feel or recognise the love and goodness of God, it isn't any less real or tangible or constant or powerful.  It's still there. 

Psalm 136:1-2  Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting.    Give thanks to the God of gods, For His lovingkindness is everlasting.…

Psalm 100:5 For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting. And His faithfulness to all generations.

Sometimes the water isn't quiet and sometimes God's love doesn't feel good, but only powerful.   But it is always good, even when that powerful love and goodness knocks us over, humbles us, finds us sitting on the shore, growling, frustrated at our smallness, wondering what happened to all our bravado and plans.    I wonder how often we sit on the shore of His love like a frustrated three year old, growling at His power and sovereignty and our own powerlessness, but not prepared to go back into the water?     It feels easier to just get busy again and ignore that great big ocean and stay 'safe'.

I wonder does sometimes the love of God  make us feel like that?  Sometimes, in His love, God does and allows things that turn us over and over, knock us off our feet, expose our  insecurities, have us in deep water, have us longing for some solid ground under our feet and when we find our feet again, does it make us feel very small and insignificant?   It shouldn't.   Because even though we are small and we are powerless, compared to that great big ocean of power and love and goodness, we are by no means insignificant and our struggles are not insignificant to Him who created the ocean that knocked us off our feet.  

This song is a powerful reminder that His love is not in pieces, not based on His being in a good mood, not conditional, not passive, not stingy, but present, generous, wild, unreserved, unrestrained, uncontained, hunting us down and pursuing us - relentless. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0FW--zidYA

Linking up at Titus 2 Tuesdays