ARE YOU BENT OUT OF SHAPE?

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is RESPONSIBLE.

If, as children, we are asked, conditioned, or pressured to be responsible for things that are not ours to carry, we can end up damaged.

And we become adults who often avoid things that we should be responsible for.  

As a child, we should not be held responsible for managing a parent's emotional health.

As a child, we should not be held responsible for the long-term management of a sibling's behaviour or emotional wellbeing.

As a child, we should not be held responsible for keeping the ‘peace’ so adults can avoid problems.

As a child, we should not be held responsible for providing food and shelter and clothes.

As a child, we should not be held responsible for the well-being of our parents’ marriage.

As a child, we should not be held responsible for the damage caused by others, nor for ‘fixing’ it. 

There are many things we should not be held responsible for, nor feel responsible for.  

Those are heavy loads, too heavy for a child, but one that many are given to carry.  

When we learn to carry these things too early, it affects us – deeply.    It stunts our healthy development. 

And we often don’t understand that until much later, if ever.

As a child, we should not be held responsible even for our own well-being.

That comes gradually, with age and development and maturity.    

The crossover for that is the teen years, where we should gradually become more and more responsible for ourselves without constant prompting or external motivation. 

What I have found is that I am resistant to certain responsibilities that I should carry because I have carried too much that I shouldn’t have carried.    

Interestingly, in those areas where I am resistant to carrying responsibility that IS mine to carry, it’s usually because there is some resentment or exhaustion because someone else has loaded me up, or simply dropped the ball on the things that they should be responsible for. 

Sometimes it’s because what the Lord wants me to carry and care about, no one else really has and so I often view it as not that important, compared to other things.  

That resistance to carrying what’s mine is a good place to start looking.   That’s what He’s been pointing out lately.

It reminds me again of those verses in Matthew 11 where He talks about an easy yoke and a light burden.    Often our lives don’t feel like that, do they?   And we wonder if the Lord has forgotten us because we are carrying so much.   But when we sit with the disparity between that verse and our reality, really sit with it, we can hear His whisper and His questions about what we’re really carrying that simply isn’t ours to carry. 

Trouble is, putting down what isn’t ours to carry will almost certainly upset someone and that is precisely why we often don’t.

Sometimes that person who gets upset is us – because of pride or restlessness or fear.

Sometimes that person who gets upset is someone else - someone powerful or pitiful, or both. 

But we need to be like Jesus – do only what He saw the Father doing.

Like I said in my blog post last week, He felt that pressure to keep people happy, to be responsible for things the Father wasn’t asking Him to do.    But, He didn’t bow to that pressure because He knew who He was and whose He was and obedience to the Father was more important than keeping anyone else happy.  

Simple – but not easy. 

Galatians 6:2 says  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

But then Galatians 6:5 says For each one shall bear his own load.

They seem to contradict each other, but they don’t.

This is a helpful article for understanding the difference between load and burden in the original language. 

The Greek words for burden and load give us insight into the meaning of these texts. The Greek word for burden means "excess burdens," or burdens that are so heavy that they weigh us down. These burdens are like boulders. They can crush us. We shouldn't be expected to carry a boulder by ourselves! It would break our backs. We need help with the boulders -- those times of crisis and tragedy in our lives.

In contrast, the Greek word for load means "cargo," or "the burden of daily toil." This word describes the everyday things we all need to do. These loads are like knapsacks. Knapsacks are possible to carry. We are expected to carry our own. We are expected to deal with our own feelings, attitudes, and behaviors, as well as the responsibilities God has given to each one of us, even though it takes effort.

Back to my resistance to being responsible for the things He has given me to carry, and the reminder that His yoke is not mine to carry alone, but with Him.  

That will be this week’s journalling exercise. 

I would often walk past this little tree, which is in the village where we lived for five years.   It still reminds me that even if we had a shaky start and grew up a bit bent out of shape because of the heavy loads we were responsible for, the Lord can still redeem our lives and make us strong enough to stand straight. 

Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”  Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

My life is a light for Your cause

My will laid aside for Your call

And reserved are the depths of my heart

Only for You

 

I'm caught in the rhythms of grace

They overcome all of my ways

Realigning each step everyday

To live for Your glory

 

There's none beside You God

There's none beside You God

CAN WE DO ANYTHING LESS?

I’m writing for Five Minute Friday and this week’s prompt word is APPROVE.

Jesus told them in the synagogue that He was fulfilling the messianic prophecies in Isaiah 61. The congregation leaders didn't approve. They tried to kill him.

Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well.    It was an encounter that changed her life, but the disciples didn’t approve. 

Jesus delivered the demoniac called Legion.   He was finally free and at peace, but the crowd didn't approve, especially when the demons drove the pigs over the cliff. 

Jesus forgave the sins of the man lying on his mat, lowered by his friends through the roof. The man was healed and set free to get on with life.   The religious people in the crowd didn't approve.

Jesus went to the house of the tax collector Zaccheus. The crowd didn't approve – that man had caused them harm.     

Jesus healed a woman on the Sabbath from a long-term malady that had oppressed her.   The religious leaders didn’t approve. 

Jesus healed a man born blind.   From then on, he could see and move and work.   The religious leaders didn't approve.

Jesus allowed Mary to wash His feet with very expensive perfume.    Judas didn't approve.   

Jesus didn’t go straight to Lazarus when he was dying.    The sisters didn’t approve.    And Jesus wept.  

Jesus went to Jerusalem even though He knew what awaited Him.    His disciples didn't approve.   They were frightened for Him, and for themselves.

Jesus flipped tables because His father's house was being turned into a place of worshipping money. The merchants didn't approve. They had a lot to lose. 

There are so many times when Jesus did and said things that His family, friends, followers, and the religious leaders didn't approve of.   He must have felt the pressure of their disapproval, their disappointment, their pain, their opinions and even their physical assaults.  

But He wasn't living for their approval.   I wonder how many of His quiet times with His Father were about shaking off the pressure of their disapproval.

https://www.magnific.com/free-photos-vectors/jesus-solitude

Jesus was about doing the Father's business and living for His approval.   Can we do anything less?   

If only we could be as secure in our identity and our calling as Jesus was, and not seek the approval of anyone but Him.  

Then Jesus answered and said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.    For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel.   John 5:19.20

It's just like Jesus

To give me strength when I need it
Hope when I cannot see it
When I'm falling to pieces,
It's just like Jesus
To put me back on my feet when
I was out past the deep end,

You wanted me when nobody wanted me
Now I just wanna be

Just like Jesus

Who is
A friend to all of the friendless
Fighting for the defenseless
Merciful in the messes?
And who can
Make a sinner feel worthy
Lift the head of the hurting
Walk with those who are searching?

WHICH BOUNDARY AM I IGNORING?

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is BOUNDARY. 

The Bible is full of boundaries.  

The Ten Commandments are boundaries – do not lie, do not covet, do not steal, do not commit adultery.  

The Word tells us to stay away from certain people – the foolish, the angry, the harmful - that's a boundary.    

We’re told to guard our hearts, because everything flows from it – that’s a boundary.  

Jesus put boundaries on how He interacted with people.   He gave so much and then walked away when He knew that His assignment for that day was done, when they weren’t listening, when they just wanted to argue, when His message wasn’t received, when it wasn’t time.  

Jesus was prepared to disappoint people, even people close to Him, for a higher purpose, because He was listening to the Father.   He knew who He was, and why He was there.  That makes imposing and enforcing a boundary so much easier because the lines aren’t blurred.  

And we do have to enforce our boundaries once we impose them, because there will be resistance, usually by those close to us.    Parents and leaders know this all too well.     

But we often don’t know who we are or what we should be doing, what HE is saying, in a given situation, and so we don’t have good boundaries.  

We often let the fear of man dictate our actions and responses, when the fear of the Lord should be our guide and our guard.   We should be motivated by love for the Lord, and fear of the Lord, not whether saying no will upset someone. 

I’ve heard Christians say that boundaries show that you are rebellious or bitter or deceived.   Jesus wasn’t any of those things.    He had boundaries, but they were His response to the Father’s purpose and leading in His life. His boundaries weren’t determined by opinion or fear, not even His own.  

Are we prepared to do the same? 

Are we living for the audience of One?

Are we prepared to disappoint people by putting boundaries on our time, our submission, our gifts, our resources, our heart?

Do our lives reflect healthy boundaries?  

But often the hardest person to put a boundary on is yourself.  

if you grew up in a strict or negative household, then a boundary can feel like rejection, punishment, withholding of love, needs being ignored, keeping someone stronger than you happy.  But when the Father gives you a boundary, it’s for your good, and for the good of those in your circle of influence.  

When He tells us the truth about something in our lives that needs to stop, or needs to change, what do we do with that? 

Do we ignore His boundary?   Do we just pretend that it’s not a problem?   Do we allow Him to speak truth into our lives about the little things?  These things are often hidden in the heart, though their outworking eventually becomes obvious, though sadly in culturally acceptable or normal ways that we don’t question. 

Which boundary am I ignoring right now because I think it's punishment or a small thing?  

He is generous in His mercy, but mercy can’t land on lies.   It requires truth, and truth itself is a boundary.  

Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed.  Ps 85:10

But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.  Ps 86:15

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; Mercy and truth go before Your face. Ps 89:14

Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart,  Prov 3:3

Can we impose boundaries on ourselves out of love and reverence for the Lord?  Can we come into alignment with the boundaries He is asking of us, for us, in us?  

He Himself gave no less than that for us. 

…though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered,   Heb 5:8

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.  Heb 12:11

How we view the boundaries He is imposing on us personally, will determine how we respond.   And how we respond will determine the trajectory of our lives – but it always starts in the hidden place.  

Do we see His boundary in any given area as punishment, as rejection, as a limitation, as unimportant - or as the loving pruning of a good Father, so that we can truly live?  

Are we allowing Him to speak the truth to us – as He sees it, not the way we think it is or want it to appear?    

The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree,
He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord
Shall flourish in the courts of our God.
They shall still bear fruit in old age;
They shall be fresh and flourishing,
To declare that the Lord is upright;
He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.  Ps 92:12-15

 

 

Mercy and truth, they guide my heart

Mercy and truth never depart

Through every trial, through every stride,

Mercy and truth give me life

 

When the storm surrounds me

And the night is long

When my strength is failing,

Your love makes me strong

Every promise You’ve spoken,

Every word You proved,

Saves my soul eternally

With mercy and truth

 

MOVING FORWARD

How do we move forward after loss?  

How do we look forward to the future when it looks so very different to what we thought, what we’d planned, what we had built our very lives around?

How do we form new connections, new relationships, new roles when the breakdown left us with so many questions and left us feeling so disoriented and cynical and questioning our discernment? 

How do we get excited about life again when we’ve experienced a lot of disappointment?

I don’t know, but I do know that He gives us a pathway.  He is the God of pathways.   That’s a theme that runs throughout Scripture, both in the stories of His people, and in His promises to us in Psalms and Proverbs. 

And I know the power of hope, because I’ve had to dig into it many times before now.

I’ve lost my church family, essentially, and it has left me feeling pretty unanchored, if that’s a word.  

The people I thought I would be doing life with are, for the most part, keeping their distance, because of various things that have happened over the last few months, though it’s been coming for a while, when I look back.   

And I’m now keeping my distance because things are unresolved that need to be resolved if there is going to be healthy connection.  

Those things seem unresolvable at the moment, maybe indefinitely, so I have to leave it alone, and stay away.    That’s a tough call, because there’s so much I want to resolve, and I can’t.  

I’ve been trying to get His perspective, and in my head sorting through all the what-ifs, and the various conversations and outcomes.  

In seeking clarity about the recent past, and a pathway for the future, the Lord has brought me back, again and again, to Psalm 16.   Just when I think I understand all there is to understand, He’ll take me back there again. 

Honestly, the Word of God seems like a bottomless well in its ability to provide more – more counsel, more hope, more comfort, more clarity on my current situation and His deep, deep grace for moving forward. 

So, I decided to write some things down that He has shown me from this psalm, recently and in times past.   It’s not exhaustive because there’s always more.   I’m taking it from the New King James version, because that’s what my Bible is.  

O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup……

The Lord is ALL I need.   That doesn’t mean that He won’t put people in my life to be carriers of Him.  He absolutely does and has.    But some of those key people are no longer doing that, for all sorts of reasons.  

Sometimes, when people are used powerfully in our lives, we can get caught up in them – who they are, how they’ve helped us, who they think we should be or what they think we should be doing, their value system, their validation, their approval, etc.   

But the Lord Himself wants to be our cup – our resource, and our inheritance – everything we need.  He wants to be our first port of call, not our last.   I think sometimes, He needs to reduce the giants in our lives so we can truly see Him and know Him.  

 

You maintain my lot.  

I love that He cares enough to be my maintenance man!!   As a single person, and a single parent, I often feel the lack of a man in my life, our lives, to do the maintenance.   And yet, here is the Lord, maintaining my lot.  I’m sure there is a much deeper meaning in this sentence than the English reveals, and I don’t want to reduce Him to simply a maintenance man, but Him maintaining our lives is a good thing for me and shows His intricate care and concern over every aspect of our lives.

 

The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places………….

Boundaries!!  

People say that boundaries are not Biblical and yet they are also woven throughout Scripture.   Guard your heart, keep away from the fool, don’t sit with sinners or stand with mockers, shake the dust off your feet, don’t steal – these are all examples of Biblical boundaries.

We need boundaries to live healthy lives.   But we need to make sure they are Biblical boundaries, and done from a heart of grace, for others and ourselves, not from bitterness. 

Yes, I have a good inheritance.

I can know that the Lord has a good inheritance in mind for me, planned already, before any of this started, or finished.   None of this caught Him by surprise, even if it has left me shell-shocked by its intensity and suddenness.   God has a good plan and it’s not contingent on me belonging to a certain church or group of people.    Yes, He builds those things into our lives, but sometimes we lose sight of Him, even in that.   Sometimes, He has to remove that network to allow us to move into the next part of His plan.  

I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; 

My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.

I’m leaning hard into His counsel at the moment, as I should always be doing, but have not always because I’ve leaned hard into the counsel of others.    It’s about Him first, and He wants to speak to us directly.   Does He have to remove people from our lives so we will actually listen to Him first, above the noise and the busyness? 

Is the night season a season of difficulty and loss?   Perhaps it is.  There has been plenty of loss for me personally, and I have definitely found Him to be present in those seasons of loss over the last few years.  

I have set the Lord always before me;

Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.

I have been feeling very moved and unsettled since this whole thing went down but He doesn’t change and He hasn’t moved.    Once again, it’s time to refocus on Him, to set Him always before me, intentionally, to look beyond the people who were ‘big’ in my life, and see Him.   See Him in the good that they did me (and there was plenty of that), see Him in being asked to speak up about what was wrong, see His perspective on what actually happened once I did, not how things appeared – from either side.  

When we see things the way He sees them, we can get our eyes off the human aspect and realise there’s more to it than just ‘them’.   If we can hate the sin, not the sinner, it frees us from taking everything so personally, and allows us to see the sin in our own lives, not just in what they did to us. 

 

Therefore my heart is glad….

Therefore – therefores are so pivotal in the Word.   We have to look at what comes before the therefore.   Because of all that He has done and is doing, the seen and unseen, I can be glad moving forward.  I can get excited again, even when my heart is heavy with many unanswered questions, and a sense of loss and injustice.  

Sometimes, we have to choose to look forward with gladness, and stop looking back.   There is definitely a time to think through what’s happened, but there is also a time to stop doing that, leave all the mess in His hands, and ask Him for the forward plan.   That doesn’t mean we forget the people or the lessons, but we look forward with gladness to what He will do, even before we can see it in real terms.   Sometimes, it feels like betrayal and dismissal of all that’s been important to us, to move forward without certain people, but it’s so necessary in our healing, and in our walk with Him.  

 

and my glory rejoices…………

My glory?   Who I really am, all that He has put in me - for Him, from Him, to others.  

We each contain and hopefully reflect and give out a portion of who He is – His glory.   No one person can contain all of Him.  Not a chance!!   But each of us can contain a small part of who He is, a small part of that glory.  We are made in the image of the Father, and we reflect Him – sometimes well, sometimes poorly.  

I know that when we are free from the constraints of other people’s opinions, validation, rejection, shaping, value systems, false authority, etc, then we can be who HE created us to be.  Not in bitterness or anger or defiance, but in a confident knowing of who we are in Him, and what He has for us to be and do. 

We have to see beyond the giants to who He is, so we are not acting like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we can move into our inheritance.     

True humility is taking up our God-given space – not being more nor less than who He has designed and equipped and redeemed us to be.   And we can do that with joy, even in the midst of hard.  

Sometimes He will remove people, and remove us from people, so we are free to do that. 

My flesh also will rest in hope.

For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.

I don’t really understand this verse, other than in the context of eternal redemption, won by Jesus, but I suspect He is going to show me more about how this relates to physical wellness. 

You will show me the path of life……

He has a definite path for each of us.   It’s a path of life and abundance and wellness and freedom – in Him.    When we’ve been on a journey with others, walking the same path, it can be pretty gut-wrenching to then get to a fork in the road and realise we have to walk a different path, especially when that separation comes suddenly or with rejection, slander, injustice, etc.  

But to really thrive in Him and in our purpose, we have to walk the path He has for us.   That requires surrender - of all what we thought life would look like - which is rarely easy.

But that path is the place where we really get to know Him.   Like Much Afraid in Hinds Feet on High Places, we learn who He really is, and we become who we are meant to be. 

 

In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

It’s in Him that we find the fullness of that joy that life can bring – knowing Him, and living in all that lights us up, gives us purpose, warms our hearts, allows us to give and receive.  

He has so much for us, but it requires so much of us.   We simply cannot walk our own path and expect a fulfilled life.   And yet when we do surrender, as hard as that is, we find that there really are pleasures at His right hand.   They may not look like what we thought we should or would have, but they are what we need. 

 

And back to verse 1!! 

Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.

It’s back to that place of choosing trust, when nothing is making sense, when everything hurts, and we can’t see what’s ahead.    We really can rely on the One who has been faithful thus far, even in the mystery of unanswered questions and unresolved issues.  

I love this song from John Drolet, After the Storm.

It’s based on one of the key life verses the Lord gave me about four years ago, heading into a storm.   This side of that storm, and having been through some others since, I can say with certainty that He is faithful and true, and that gives me the faith and courage for moving forward, stronger, wiser and better, not bitter.  

Like these beautiful gum trees who've been through some storms, and therefore have some fallen timber that I can burn, the Lord can strengthen us to stand and have something to offer people because of our storms.     

 

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.   1 Peter 5:10

I’ve stumbled, I’ve wept

But You still called my name

Through suffering and silence

Your promise remained

Now I rise with the dawn

In the light of Your grace

What the enemy broke

You’re starting to replace

After the storm, You restore

Make me strong forevermore

You call me to glory, You lift me again

By the power of Christ, I stand in the end

Firm and unshaken, faithful and true

You are the God who sees me through

 

 

FALLING SHORT

I'm writing for  Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is SHORT. 

Don’t prove your worth - protect it.  I read that today and it really spoke to me.  

I’ve spent my life trying to prove my worth and wanting others to affirm it – in words or actions.  

And I’ve spent my life falling short of the standards of others, even those close to me, and even my own standards. 

What I’ve realised in recent times, and had it confirmed again today, is that we can spend our lives aiming to reach up to someone else’s standards of perfect, lovable, worthy, adequate - and we can spend our lives consistently falling short.  

We can spend our lives striving to reach our own standard of perfect, lovable, worthy, adequate, and consistently fall short of that standard too.

We’re not called to do that.  

We’re often taught to do it, conditioned to do it, rewarded for doing it, but we’re not called to do it. 

We’re called to be His – from Him, to Him, for Him, with Him.    

For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.  Rom 11:36

My worth is innate, inherent, decided, as someone made in the image of God, and redeemed by the blood of Jesus. 

My worth is not decided by any human, including myself. 

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvellous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.  Ps 139:14

But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.  Luke 12:7

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvellous light….. 1 Peter 2:9

So, am I living to achieve worth and prove it, or am I living to protect it and honour the One who decided it?

So many of us who’ve grown up in church have been taught and conditioned to be perfect and to strive for perfection, but in doing so, we’ve missed the mark, and we’ve fallen short of His desire for us. 

What’s His desire for us?   It’s wholeheartedness, being all in, for Him, to Him, from Him, with Him - not aiming for some standard that falls short of that.   It’s excellence, not perfection.  

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’   Matt 22:37

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.  Eph 2:10

It’s in being all that we could be, designed to be, with all excellence, that gives glory to Him.  

When we settle for someone else’s standards, or even our own, we fall short of what He has for us.   He wants us to work from rest, not work for rest.  

I’ve spent my life trying to earn my rest, when in fact, rest is a gift, not a reward.   

We can rest in His finished work on the cross that has affirmed our worth.  

We can rest in Him being enough and that His load fits us perfectly.   

We can rest in the rhythms of grace He gives us, even as we work. 

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”   Matt 11:28-30 (MSG)

Anything else has us striving, stressed, worn out and still falling short. 

Like Martha, we can be productive, exhausted and resentful with all our striving and working and trying, and miss the very One in front of us, who is waiting for us to sit at His feet. 

Can we rest at His feet, like Mary, and be satisfied with His standard for us – a life fully given over to Him - or will we keep falling short of that much higher calling, in all our striving, and miss Him?

https://www.freebibleimages.org/illustrations/gnpi-065-mary-martha/

His standard for us is to be fully alive and to live abundantly.

I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.  John 10:10

His standard for us is a whole-hearted life, fully given over, fully surrendered.

His standard for us is to be all in, worshipping Him, delighting in Him, satisfied by Him – not stuff, not success, not money, not productivity, not others.

You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.  Ps 16:11

Are we living up to His standards, or are we falling short of His by aiming for our own or someone else’s?

 

When I need to remind myself that it's all about Him, I come back to this song.   

You are worthy of it all
You are worthy of it all
For from You are all things
And to You are all things
You deserve the glory