Pathway to Peace

I woke up the other morning with a few random words spinning in my head.   They seemed random, but they're actually quite connected.

Funnily enough, they all started with P, and a few more came to me throughout the course of the day.

So why all these random words?   Well, I've been asking the Lord for a while now a question that is not easily answered, and perhaps these seemingly random words are a pathway to those answers, like stepping stones, if you will.

So, here's the question, or series of questions really, and it's rather long-winded:

How do you move forward in a difficult relationship, when you can't actually safely or easily engage with the other person to resolve the issues?   

I've been praying about one relationship in particular, but others come to mind.   All of us have people that we struggle to get along with, whether they be siblings, parents, children, friends, colleagues, people at church, customers, acquaintances, neighbours, perhaps even your spouse.    Sometimes it's open conflict; in other relationships, it's just a quiet strain that is always there. 

Sometimes, honestly, it's easier to just stay away from them, isolate ourselves, withdraw emotionally, stay polite and pretend everything is fine.   Perhaps for safety we have to do some of that or perhaps it's just how we manage the conflict for ourselves, because they're unaware of it.   Perhaps we just need time to heal and get some perspective, but sometimes that develops into not knowing how to go back and start again.  How do we move forward from there? 

If we can't actually sit down and work through the issues with that person, and we're not even sure what the issues are, and we're not sure why we can't work them out or how to fix it, or if we even want to, but we're willing, BECAUSE WE LOVE GOD! -  how do we move forward?   These are the thoughts and questions that I have tossed around for many months now. 

I've been praying and reading and wondering about it all.   So, the Lord very kindly woke me up this week with these words and added a few as I pondered on them throughout the day.  Funnily enough, they all start with P and I've thought of a few others, but I'll try and stick to the plan, which is still unfolding. 

I figure the best place to start is with P plates, given that all these words start with P and most of us are still learning how to do relationships well, regardless of age or status.

I think it's probably fair to say that many of us don't naturally know how to resolve conflict in relationships, so we attack or withdraw - fight or flight, right?    If we didn't start life with healthy relationships, then it's not going to be easy to move forward in relationships when there is conflict, even if we are Christians.   And guess what, if you're in a relationship, at some point, there's going to be conflict!

So, I'm hoping as I dig into what the Word says about each of these words, I'll find a pathway through and out to the other side - to being at peace with myself and with God and with others. 

For now, I'll leave you with the words themselves and will come back to this post as soon as I can, with hopefully an insight or two on the first point.   I suspect this will take some time as I dig into each one, and I also suspect it will be quite painful, but here goes. 

I'll also leave you with the verse that jumps out at me just at the moment, and which is so relevant in the light of the struggle that we all have.  

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.  Romans 12:18

GLASSES!

My girls have all loved to play dress ups over the years, especially when they're little.

One of the favourite objects in our dressing up boxes has been glasses.   For some reason, glasses of all shapes and colours just can't be parted with when it comes time to donate to charity and make room for bigger dress ups.   

I was praying in the early hours this morning, and the Lord showed me a picture of glasses,  of all shapes and sizes.   I remembered that I had a photo of one of the girls dressed up with glasses.  Turned out I had quite a few, more than is pictured here.  

Why do we love glasses so much?   Is it because they change and colour the way we see things around us?   Does it give us a place to hide?   Does it give us a fresh and interesting perspective on ordinary things?   Does it give us a new way of looking at ourselves?   I suspect it's all that and more.

The Lord reminded me this morning that we often look at and receive messages through the glasses that we put on as children and adolescents, though not for dressing up purposes. 

The things that happen to us when we're young, and our responses to them, impact our lives from that point on.  I'm reminded that when we're young and vulnerable and impressionable, we often form images and ideas based on the messages received from the 'big people' in our lives.  

Obviously, the big people are our parents, but also others like siblings and other relatives, friends, teachers, pastors, employers, etc. 

Those images and ideas that are formed then become our 'truth', our way of measuring everything that comes after it, our reference points, our way of seeing things.   We often live life with our peculiar glasses on, unable to see life as it was meant to be seen, unable to receive different messages and truths now, because we're still wearing the same glasses, still using the same filters, still believing the same things - about ourselves, about others, about God.    Have our glasses actually damaged, and not helped, our vision?  

Yesterday, I listened to a rather powerful sermon, interjected by a couple of powerful and challenging prayers, which we were encouraged to speak out, that really reminded me that we often believe lies, for a very long time, and live out of those lies that we've believed, often unknowingly.    Those lies, those beliefs and the associated pain and anger and dysfunction, can keep us in a place of immaturity, a place of stagnancy, of slowly dying, instead of growing in relationship with Him and others.  

So, my challenge to you, and to myself is this:

Are you wearing glasses that affect how you see things and how you receive messages?   Can you give God those glasses, those filters, even if you can't see them or recognise how cracked they are?   Can you let it go and ask His truth to shine into those dark places of the past that poison the now?  It's a big ask and it's scary.    But God will pick up the pieces and strengthen you to move forward, if you'll let Him.   

I really believe it's time to let go - of the lies, the pain, the unforgiveness - and the glasses!!

I'll leave you with a verse that has challenged us and changed us this week.  

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.   2 Chronicles 16:9

Journey Along the River Nile

How would you like to take a boat journey down the Nile River to the Mediterranean Sea?   

Not your ideal holiday?   Perhaps your preference would be cruising down the Rhine, looking at magnificent European castles.  Or sailing around the islands of the Pacific.  Or biking your way through the lanes of Britain.   

I imagine there aren't many who would choose a boat trip down the Nile River if they had to choose just one international holiday.  

Well, that's what my 10yo Miss said to me the other day, when I posed this question as part of her writing assignment on the pictured library book.   It's part of our present studies on the continent of Africa.   The book is very well presented, for those of you interested in Africa, or homeschooling.  I really enjoyed it and she would have too, if it wasn't a 'forced' writing exercise.  

She really struggled to come up with the required four lines of a written answer of what she would like to see and do as she sailed down the Nile River to its mouth.  In fact, she pouted and growled for hours.   She'd read the book, answered lots of questions about what there is to see and do, including all the dangers, but she just is NOT interested in going there, thank you very much!   

It got me thinking that perhaps we're like that with God.   Has God chosen a journey for you that is very different to what you wanted, what you imagined your life to look like right now?    Are you sailing down the Nile with all its dangers, when you'd much rather be on a gondolier in Venice or sitting on a beach somewhere or just cruising through an easy life?    Have you hit the rapids in your journey or maybe you're just plain fed up with the lack of progress in making it to the end of this forced exercise.  You didn't choose it and you don't like it, thank you very much!!  

But God is a loving parent, because He knows what we need, and that we don't want it, and won't want it, given the choice.    He knows that one day we'll look back and be so very grateful for all that we learnt on this treacherous journey, the one we thought would never end, the one that made us stronger and kinder and more thankful, the one that showed us who we are and who He really is for us and in us.    

I, for one, would LOVE to go to Africa and yes, to see the Nile, but to be a part of what God is doing there.   I'd love to meet the people, see the sights, see Africa's magnificent animals in something other than a zoo, see the needs and somehow to meet just one of those needs.    But for now, my journey is a different one.  But perhaps the journey I'm on now will make me stronger and kinder and more thankful, so that when I do get to Africa at last, I will be able to minister Him to those I see.   

Romans 8:28   And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. 

Are We There Yet?

I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from Me there is no saviour.

I have revealed and saved and proclaimed –

I, and not some foreign god among you.

You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “that I am God. 

Isa 43:11-12

‘Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?’ 

If you’re a parent, you’ll have heard this question just a few times.   As a toddler, Miss Abi, who is now 6, would utter these words within the first half hour of an all-day journey.   It makes you cringe, because you know you won’t hear it just once during that long journey.

From a toddler’s point of view, it’s a valid question.  They have no control over the journey, the destination, the time taken or even their own comforts.   That’s all down to you, and it’s hard to wait and trust and believe that the parent has it covered, especially if you are, by nature, a leader, and not a follower. 

Are you on a journey that you can’t control?   Do you find yourself asking ‘When, God, when?’, ‘How, God, how?’, ‘Why, God, why?’, and ‘Are we there yet?’.  Do you find yourself wanting to get out of the vehicle or at least be the driver?   Like toddlers, we can be pretty impatient and unbelieving when we can’t see or control the destination, the time frame, how or when we travel, or even how comfortable we are on the journey. 

And when find ourselves on a long, tedious journey full of unknowns and many causes for discomfort, how do we keep moving forward, how do we rest in our seats?

When I look forward at this new year, with its new numbers and possibilities, there are so many unknowns.   We head into this new year tired in many ways from last year’s struggle.  I can so relate to the Israelites in the desert, surviving on manna, walking miles each day, wondering, complaining, questioning.   What were they looking forward to, or were they even looking forward?    

Are we looking forward, or just trying to survive, just putting one foot in front of the other?   To look forward and not cringe when I hear my own ‘Are we there yet?’ questions screaming at me, I need to look back. 

I need to look back at the year that was, and remember the God who spoke those thoughts at the top of this page.   We have indeed been witnesses to Him revealing and saving and proclaiming and just being God in our turmoil.  

This last difficult, tedious, long year has been full of God’s grace – His faithfulness, His goodness, His mercy, His attention to detail, His encouragement, His promises and His lessons.  

God sent the Israelites on a journey to a place He had prepared for them, a purpose He had designed for them, with promises in hand, and power to fulfil them.    It wasn’t a quick or an easy journey, made even more difficult by their lack of knowledge of Him or trust in Him.   But He showed them.  

He showed them Who He was and what He could do.  He showed them even before they left Egypt that He was God above all gods and He called them into a growing relationship with Him.   He continued to show Himself to them, even in ways they did not appreciate. 

 

So how are we going on our journey?   Are we pretty comfortable because everything is cruisy at the moment?   Or are we still in the midst of a problem we can’t fix and constantly fighting with frustration at our lack of control, fighting doubts about God’s control and compassion, and enduring pain from the struggle?   

And what destination are we aiming for?   Is what we’re aiming for the same as what God wants for us?    

Sometimes, we can be on a journey to our preferred destination, but we find out that our journey is interrupted, that our destination, the place we are aiming for, is not necessarily what God wants, that there’s more, a higher calling, a better place, and a much more roundabout way of getting there.   Darn!   This was not the plan.

Then, we discover that it’s not about the destination but about the journey itself.   It’s about learning Who He is for us on the journey.   And it’s in the difficult journeys that we do indeed discover Him. 

This year, we’ve learnt some lessons in what God’s blessing looks like, and we’re learning that God is sovereign, much like the parent who gets to decide where, when and how the journey goes.   Submitting to that sovereignty, however, is a whole other matter, and one we wrestle with again and again. 

Are we there yet?   Apparently not, but we’ve covered a lot of ground.   And when we can’t see the way forward, when we can only see the trips and tumbles and pain from the journey so far, we need to hang onto the promises below.   

As we step into the new year, we need to remind ourselves that the same God who brought the ark to rest on a mountain, who split the Red Sea, who pulled down the impenetrable walls of Jericho and who ripped the temple curtain in two, that very same God has got this and is on our journey.  

‘This is what the Lord says— He who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.’  Isa 43:16-19

What's In a Name?

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.    John 15:13-15

Jesus called us 'friends'.  I wonder what that really means?

He talked about servants and masters, students and teachers, fathers and sons and daughters, but in the end, He called us, and calls us, His friends. 

Why?  I'm not sure and I haven't taken the time to study the original meaning of what He said.  
I have often wondered. 

It's something that started a few years ago when I was struggling with some relationships that just weren't 'working'.  I had put a lot of effort into these 'friendships' and nothing was improving.  It seemed pretty one-sided to me and there was confusion on both ends. 

I was incredibly frustrated - and hurt.

But God.     But God stepped in and showed me something about friendship and why these relationships weren't working for me, or for them, really.   

You see, a friend is your equal, someone you need in your life, and someone who needs you.   You share stuff and you minister to each other, as friends, not because one is superior, but because you take turns holding each other up - physically, in prayer, practically.

Ministry, well that's another thing entirely.   You see, the people I wanted to be friends with saw me as a ministry.  They felt sorry for me, they saw a need in  my life and they tried to meet it in their various giftedness.  But they didn't see me as a friend, as their equal, as someone they needed.   Sure, the word 'friend' was used, but it wasn't what it was.   They were my brothers and sisters in the church, but we weren't friends because they didn't need me, couldn't possibly see how they could.   It wasn't a two-way thing.   And I felt I wasn't good enough - perhaps that's not how they saw it.  And now, looking back, I can see that isn't and wasn't true, even if they thought so.   

But friend, that's different.   Very different - and  I have a few precious ones.  They don't look down and I'm not their newest ministry project or the way they get their value.  My friends struggle and groan and cry and I help support and pray and listen.  And they do the same for me when it's my turn.    They don't look down on me and I don't look down on them.  We're all doing the journey and we need friends - just friends.    

But just like a stay-at-home Mum is not just a Mum, but so much more, neither is a friend just a friend.  The blessing of having a friend who is just that - a friend - is truly something to savour. 

STOP - Linking up at Five Minute Friday, where we write for 5 minutes on a prompt word.  Today's prompt is 'friend'. 

One of the biggest lessons in this came when God rebuked me sharply about my relationship with someone I was trying to minister to.  I was ministering to her out of the same attitude that was causing me pain and offence when it was coming to me from others.  And those others were doing that very thing to her as well.   Well, God pulled me up big time, and I had to go and apologise.  But well before the apology, God changed my perspective and my attitude and the relationship with this amazing person - and to a lesser degree, with her hubby.  

I could see her, someone not much older than my oldest daughter, as inferior, as not knowing much, as having nothing to offer me, as someone who 'needed' my superior wisdom and 'grace' and correction.    That was the pervading attitude at the time from us older women in the church.   But, when God stepped in and showed me that I could and should relate to this person as an equal, and when I chose to do that, I was blessed to find that there was a great deal on offer in this new relationship.  I was blessed by her, not just the other way around.  She had, and still has, so much to offer and she was and is such a gracious, empathetic, giving person, that I am truly blessed to have her on my rather short friend list.    She has been my late-night 'rantee' many times, my sounding board, my prayer warrior and an all round great listener.    We don't see each other much in real life, but we 'chat' online often. 

I find myself very grateful for that rebuke because I would have missed out on a great deal and done a great deal of damage in the process. 

This is my friend, the friend I nearly missed out on, because I was so busy trying to 'minister' to her.

"...but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."    Prov 18:24

KNEE JERK PARENTING!!

Quite a few years ago now, I was in a car accident, with  my three older girls, just our vehicle, turned on its side. 

I was driving and I came around the turn too fast on a newly-graded gravel road, and lost control of our twin cab.  It veered one way and I tried to correct it, by over-correcting, and we ended up on the other side of the road and I had a split-second decision to make - the fence or a huge tree.  I steered for the fence and over we went.    We all managed to climb out of the vehicle with a few bumps and bruises and the car's panels on one side all smashed up.  

I was reminded of that experience today, not because we were driving.  We did that yesterday.    What reminded me today was knee-jerk parenting, on my part, driven mostly by repressed anger and tiredness - and fear.    I over-corrected today, like I did back then. 

Let me explain.   Yesterday we drove nearly two hours to visit my parents, and catch up with daughter number three, albeit briefly, because my parents' town is kind of halfway between our house and her current place of residence.    We took my Mum out for lunch and a bit of shopping and everyone seemed to enjoy the experience.  

But - there's often a but, isn't there?   When we got back to Mum's house, my father had gone through her things, again, and thrown some of it in the garbage, then taken the key to her cupboard and hidden it.  No, he doesn't have dementia.  He was punishing her for going out without him and for enjoying herself.    Lest you think she did the wrong thing, he goes out every.single.day.without.her!   Yep, you can probably work out I'm a bit ticked off.  It's not the first time he's done it, probably won't be the last. 

But, why the connection to knee-jerk parenting?   Well, you see, my gorgeous little 4yo madam is SO much like him!   And today, after yesterday wanting to get stuck into my father and having to walk away, again, I repressed that anger again (just adding it to many years' worth, really) and it came out today in frustration with a little person who just can't take no for an answer, who can't see why demanding and shouting and bossing is not on, who can't see that thinking you own other people is not on, can't see the damage that does to them, and to you.   

From what I've been told, my father was compensated and placated by his mother as a child when he did these things, because his father didn't love him.   And ever since, he has surrounded himself with people who give in to him, who are afraid of him, and he receives any kind of 'no' as rejection and 'punishes' people, particularly Mum.    Yesterday, apart from being punishment for Mum, was a bait to see if I would fight with him, would once again decide whose side I'm on.  I walked away, again, not because I'm frightened of him, but because I won't fight with him on his terms, in front of my children.    One day, the time will be right to confront.  

So, today, Miss 4 continually defied everything I said, continually made excuses for why she couldn't obey, continually made excuses why she couldn't tidy up her little messes, resisted me at every turn, argued about everything, baited her sister continually, and made many loud demands that were unreasonable.   Was today any different to any other day?  Perhaps a little worse than normal, but what was definitely different was my frustration levels, my tiredness, my fear.  I am afraid for this child and for those who love her.   If she doesn't change, she will end up like him!   And it feels like a huge weight on my shoulders to not let her do that.  So, we battle against each other, almost hourly, it seems at present, because I will not let her treat me or other people the way he has treated everyone who 'belongs' to him. 

But, with that determination, and with the fear of how much that could happen, I need to remember that she is only 4 years old and doesn't see the big picture and doesn't understand why today I shouted at her.   I need to not over-correct and end up in a ditch.   Praise God His mercies are new every.single.day. 

Lamentations 3:22-26
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”
25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him;
26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

NO NEW PLAN, NO RESOLUTIONS, NO 3 STEPS TO A BETTER ME!

Have you been reading the very many memes and ads and thoughts being presented on blogs, social media, the news, TV as to how to step into this new year - 2017?   I think I've seen it all - 3 steps to get fit, 4 ways to improve your health, 5 things to learn this year, 17 great thoughts for the new year, 21 people to emulate, 13 hoops to jump through, 10 new ingredients to cook with, 5 things to quit, and so it goes on.    There's nothing wrong with any of it, really, but it's not where I'm heading this new year, as tempting as they all sound. 

Have any new year thoughts or plans grabbed your attention over the last few days?   Did something ring true with you or inspire you or make you feel guilty enough to listen, to take notice?    Some of the thoughts I've seen have grabbed my attention, so I'll share them with you in no particular order. 

"Actions flow from values. That’s why resolutions usually fail.”   The blog writer suggested assessing what you value by writing down your activities and expenditure for a month and see what you were busy doing and spending money on.  That's a worthwhile task, probably more effective than  making resolutions you won't keep, because unless your values change, you won't see lasting change in your actions.   You can read more of that blog post here. 

Another one was this one-liner:    ‘Don’t go into 2017 with a rolling stop.’  I had to think about that one, but it was basically saying we shouldn't roll through a stop sign, but actually stop and look before we move on.  It's a good thought.   And we shouldn't just roll into another year.   Yes, the first day of the year is just another day, but God marks times and seasons and so should we.    If you have Facebook, you can read more here.

This is a quote I found with a picture of a chick, fairly newly hatched out of its egg.   

'If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends.   If broken by an inside force, life begins.   Great things always begin from the inside'. 

That one resonated with me, because God has been speaking to me about honesty on the inside, and that transformation has to start there - in our inmost being.   We can't be transformed if we keep pretending what's in there isn't really there or isn't as rotten or painful or complicated as it is.    We can't be transformed if we keep 'behaving ourselves' on the outside and ignoring the inner mess and pain.   God sees it, we need to let ourselves see it, and let Him touch, heal and change us. 

And here's another one.   'Christ's example helps me see the value of doing small things with great love.'   This is just a small part of the Queen's Christmas address for 2016, where she talks of being inspired by ordinary people doing extraordinary things.   God has been speaking to me about being more concerned with being Jesus to those in whose lives I am or could be 'big' or very significant, than striving to be big in the opinion of others. 

And here is another one that I am reminded of - 'So that's what I'm going to do. No goals. No timeframes. Just day by day,'    This lady was speaking of just taking one day at a time, one challenge at a time, one victory at a time. 

So, I take all these thoughts with me into the new year, and many more besides.     These thoughts, and more that are not mentioned, have grabbed my attention and I am tempted to write them all down, in different colours, and stick them up somewhere.  

But, Someone keeps grabbing my attention and reminding me of His thoughts for me for this year.     And it isn't about a ten-point plan to do better, be better, do more, try harder, nor is it about making goals.    Instead, He keeps asking me to journey with Him, one day at a time, to listen to His heart's desires, His goals, daily or even hourly, to get really honest with myself and Him, to be transformed from the inside out.  

Something He grabbed my attention with just last night while reading the book, Sensible Shoes, was this verse about Hagar. 

'...where have you come from and where are you going?'  Genesis 16:8  

I thought that was a pretty appropriate question for the first day of the year.   I have been pondering on that one all day.   It will probably take me the whole year and beyond to answer those questions.  

I was listening to a sermon last night that spoke of how Jesus grabbed Peters' attention when the fishing boat became so loaded with fish it was in danger of sinking.  I've heard this story many times, often in the context of not expecting enough of God, not asking for enough, being immensely blessed, reaching more people for Christ, etc.  But last night, I got something else out of it.  

The preacher suggested that Peter and Jesus knew each other before that incident, that they had perhaps grown up in the same town, attended the same synagogue, knew the same people.   Jesus had been preaching to people before this incident, and it was not long after Jesus was baptised and infilled by the Holy Spirit.    So, did something other than Jesus' words and His miracle grab Peters' attention that day?  That day,  why did Peter suddenly understand his own sinfulness and Jesus' Lordship? 

Did He suddenly see Jesus in a new light, suddenly understand something of Jesus' power and His purpose, experience something of His anointing that day?  We don't know, we weren't there, but something changed.   Jesus grabbed Peter's attention to the point that Peter dropped everything to follow Him.

Could that same Someone grab our attention as we head into this new year with our goals, our resolutions, our lists, our plans, our budgets and our burdens?  

Can we stop and look before we roll into another year? 

Can we stop and listen and be overawed, once again, at who Jesus is and just start anew the journey with Him? 

Can we be led by Him, taught by Him, challenged by Him, changed by Him, as Peter surely was those three and a half years and well beyond?   

Can we drop our plans, goals, resolutions, lists right there on the beach like Peter dropped his very full nets?   His nets were full of provision and future and goals and normal, but something about Jesus caused Peter to leave it all behind.

Can we just follow Him into this new year?   

Can we stay close enough to listen, learn, love and absorb who He is this year?  

Luke 5:11  So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed Him.

Who's Testing Me?

Sometimes, life feels like a giant test - a test that you can't pass, a test that's designed to make you look and feel like a failure, that's designed to keep you down, to make you feel silly, to bring you down and keep you there.  

How much more work can someone pile on your plate before you run out of strength?   How much more pain can you endure before you can't take it any more?  How many more mental games can you navigate before you finally crack?   How many more times can you get it wrong?   How much can you keep giving before there's nothing left to give?    How often can you bounce back up when you're knocked down?    How much testing can one person endure before something is broken? 

Sounds like the enemy's work to me.   He comes to steal, kill and destroy.    His plan is to break us, to break our trust, break our strength, break our hearts.  

But, God is good, and I've learnt that believing anything else is a dangerous place to be when you're in a test of any kind.  Whether it's God-made, man-made, enemy-made, or, as is often the case, a combination of the afore-mentioned, mixed with consequences of my sin and/or someone else's, God is the only sure footing.   Sometimes, a determined belief in and experience of the goodness of God is the only comfort in the test, and should be added to a listening ear, to hear HIS perspective on the test and its source and its purpose. 

One of the hardest parts in the middle of the test is believing and knowing that God isn't out to break us, bring us down, keep us down, belittle us, make us feel or look small.   That's not what His tests are designed to do.    His tests are designed to make us shine!  

This little rose plant is the same as in the picture above!   Only God can make us shine like that! 

The Bible says God tests us and that the testing of our faith is good for us.   

  
Don't know about you, but severe and constant testing doesn't feel 'good' at all to me.  

Something I learned in the first round of homeschooling, that was a revelation to me, because of my schooling and my upbringing, is that tests should NOT be used to shame and belittle, but to help the student to learn something, see a weakness and work towards fixing it, build knowledge, make room for growth.  They also shouldn't be the main part of education - so foreign to how I'd been tested.   And testing to a high standard is good, because otherwise we never pass the test or move on to another one - we're stuck at that level of knowledge, maturity, growth and with it, frustration and apathy. 

I'm so glad that God's testing is always motivated by His mercy, in its many forms, and not by pride, superiority, insecurity, perfectionism or other traits that have been inherent in my human testers.

  
Did you know that the silversmith knows that the silver is at its purest when he can finally see his reflection in it?

And did you know that the gardener is never as close to his roses as when he's pruning them? 

God's testing is up close and personal, not like the tests handed out in big high school auditoriums,  or by an enemy who views us with disdain or someone who is insecure and needs us to be 'down there'.    And with God, we don't have to pull back when the results aren't great - the results don't surprise Him, though they often surprise us.   

So, note to self, once again, trust God's goodness in the test, don't assume it's all Him, and listen to His still, small voice in the storm - it's there.  

Psalm 51: 10- 12    Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.   Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.   Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Linking up at Five Minute Friday, where we write for five minutes on a given prompt.   This week's prompt word is 'test'. 

Photos courtesy of our friend, Suzy.  

Five Miracles and Five Privileges

Once upon a time, there were three little girls and their sad little Mummy.   Not sad because there were three of them, nor because they were girls, but because they were growing out of being little and there were no more coming behind them.    I always felt we were supposed to have five children, and yet all that was happening was one miscarriage after another, usually in the early stages.   

After yet another miscarriage, this time at ten weeks, just after we moved to the farm, I finally went to the doctor and she suggested some tests.    She ran the tests and called me in to make an appointment.  Out in the waiting room, my ever-growing little girls played in the toy section, and I waited to hear my results.  She started with a strange question.

'Those three little girls out there - they are yours, aren't they?'  

'Yes, they are - you were my doctor for one of them, remember.'

'Well, it's just that these genetic and other tests show that it's physically and genetically impossible for you to stay pregnant long enough to have a healthy baby.   You need to go home and enjoy the ones you do have, though it's beyond me how that happened.  And don't start with the God-stuff - you know where I stand on that!'   

So I went home, sad and grateful.   Sad that there would be no more, and grateful that God had performed three miracles that science couldn't account for.

After a time of grieving any future possibilities, God showed me very clearly that I needed to change my attitude and find contentment in who my girls were at their various ages and stages.  

Contentment is a hard thing to choose when you're pretty sure the status quo isn't going to change.  It's one thing to be content for the time being, with the hope of future possibilities.    But it's quite another thing to choose contentment when this is all there is. 

But I did choose contentment and I found a new appreciation for the girls, and their ages and stages, and a new appreciation for each of them for who they were, and not just part of my mothering dream.    I realised that while I was pining for another baby and then another, I wasn't loving well the ones I  had already been given.   So, I chose contentment and it brought me a great deal of freedom from many things. 

But, I pretty much gave up on my dream of five children.

But, many years later, we were surprised with another miracle and another privilege.   By this time, my older girls were 16, 13 and 11 and they were pretty convinced I was either pregnant or had a brain tumour!!   They were relieved to find out I was 14 weeks pregnant.    We welcomed Raelee Rose the following May, and a few years later, we welcomed Abigail Eloise, 21 years, almost to the day, after her oldest sister was born. 

I had my five, the number I always thought I'd have, with doctors still sprouting their negativity and their disbelief and their worst-case scenarios, 'You need to have an abortion, you're too old, you need to get over yourself and get a life, this will happen and that will happen, ....... blah, blah, blah.' 

Well, here I am, the mother of five miracles and five privileges.     I am still trying to get a current photo of all five girls in the one place at the one time.    One day!   This one was taken when Abi was just a few days old. 

And these are our two youngest miracles now.  

And on the hard days of parenting and sleep-deprivation, I need to remember my story of five - and the privilege that I have been given.   For many of us, conception and pregnancy and birth are not a given - it's not that easy.  

But for all of us, regardless of how 'easy' it is, our children are a privilege and we do well to remember it, on the hard days and the good days.   

Children are not just the fulfilment of our dream - they are a gift from God and a heritage - a huge privilege. 

Psalm 127:3  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

Linking up with other writers at Five Minute Friday, a writing party on a given prompt.  Today's prompt word is 'five'.  

How Loyal Are You?

I took this picture of the moon last week. 

It's pretty impressive - the moon, that is.   It really lit up the  darkness for a few nights and made it hard to sleep.  The dogs barked all night because they could see things running around.   The sheep were noisier than usual - perhaps there were more predators out and about on those nights.

It lit up a place that is normally dark - being 40km from town lights, it gets pretty dark here at night when the lights are out.

You're probably wondering what on earth the moon has to due with being loyal, right?  Well, the moon reminds me a bit of undue loyalty.    It looks pretty impressive and it is - a huge great ball in the sky, but it doesn't have any light of its own - it is merely reflecting the sun's light back to us on earth.  

Now look at this picture of the moon taken just an hour or so earlier.

It doesn't look quite so bright, does it?    It isn't quite so impressive in the light of the sun shining.   And the sun was shining behind me, in the west, as it was slowly setting.
 
And you know it reminds me of the something that happened this week, where a person was being incredibly loyal to her hubby, unduly loyal, at the cost of integrity, and her sons' respect, and that of others too.    Her hubby is her source of wisdom and 'light' and the reference point for her value and her values.   He is the light in her dark place.    But she doesn't realise just how poor his light is in comparison to the Son, the Son who values her regardless of how she performs or looks, regardless of how much money they have or how 'well-bred' they are or the car they drive or their other status symbols.    I felt sorry for her, even though in being loyal to him she disappointed us and refrained from doing what was right.   And it was obvious that she was refraining and being restrained, though not physically - her loyalty was restraining her.   

We're not meant to be loyal to someone on this earth above God and His ways. 

Jesus had some things to say about being loyal to Him above all else, and all others.

It reminds me, again, of how much liberty there really is in having God in His rightful place in our lives.   When the light of His Word, His truth, His very presence shines in our lives, then we know that we must be loyal to Him first for anything and everything else to  make sense.   I have seen and felt the damage, firsthand, when we are, I am, loyal to a person or a theology or group or doctrine above being loyal to Him.   It's like living in the light of the moon, all the time, and not realising there even is a sun. 

He made both the sun and the moon and He is greater than both.  I don't want loyalty to anyone or anything else to turn my day into night, not any more.   

Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of HIM.   Psalm 33:8

Linking up at Five Minute Friday, a writing party where we get to write for five minutes on a prompt word.  Today's prompt is 'loyal'.  

Small Beginnings

You know, when your kids are little and doing 'little' things like drawing and painting and cutting and gluing, making toy farms with paddle pop sticks, writing stories and letters and playing, lots of playing, and they want to do those things a lot, much more than school work, you wonder if they'll ever get an education and 'succeed'. Let me assure you, they will, if you let them develop those talents and help them nurture them.

These are some of the gifts of our older girls, all now adults, doing what they were good at as children, but in an adult setting.

The fence was built and photo taken by daughter no 3, the picture drawn by daughter no 2, the blog (and books) written by daughter no 1.

All that to say, if you are in the trenches with the 'everyday' stuff that doesn't seem that interesting or outstanding, don't despair and don't overlook the 'little' things your kids are good at. One day, it might be their bread and butter - it is for all three of them, to various degrees.   

With three older girls (all adults) and two younger girls (aged 7 and 3), I have the unique privilege of being able to look back and look forward.  I have seen how the 'little' things my older girls did back then have now turned into life passions.    And I can see that the 'little' things my younger girls are now doing could easily turn into their life passions, if I keep encouraging them and facilitating their learning. 

But, I am still tripping up over Duplo, drowning in endless pieces of paper and cardboard and egg cartons, still finding homes for toys, helping someone set up yet another farm/train track/car track/tea set/doll's house/zoo/teddy hospital, and sometimes I despair at the mess and the chaos.   And then I remember those small beginnings of the older girls and I am encouraged to be patient again, with the little things, the messy little things and the messy little creatures who live in 'my' house.  And I reminded that they will not always be here, but will be out there, doing 'big' things. 

So, let us rejoice, as God does, in small beginnings and enjoy these days. 

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.....
Zechariah 4:10

Linking up at Titus 2 Tuesdays. 

Content To Be Hidden?

Linking up at Five Minute Friday, where we write for 5 minutes on a given prompt.   Today's prompt is 'hidden'. 

The word 'hidden' took me back, instantly, to a poem I wrote a few years ago for a struggling friend. 
Since that time, she very graciously sent it back to me when I was struggling with similar issues. 

So, I'll share it with you and perhaps it will help you too. 


THE ROSE

I saw in a garden, in a quiet, little place
A rose red as scarlet, full of beauty and grace
Why is it there?   For whom does it grow?
Does anyone see it?  Will anyone ever know?

Why has the gardener planted it there?
Does anyone notice, will anyone care?
Is it enough for the gardener to know?
To enjoy its beauty, and see that it grows?

It seemed such a waste, for its beauty not to be seen
By the rest of the world, like some hidden-away queen
There in a garden, a beautiful gem,
Growing lovely and strong, but only for Him.

But then I saw Him, and saw the joy on His face,
As His rose grew there, in that secret place.
I saw His delight and the love in His eyes,
as He pruned and adored His beloved prize.

This prize was a gift, redeemed by His Son,
Who'd hung on that cross, till the victory was won.
To His Father, He gave His life just for this
To buy back this gem, and present it to Him.

Had it been bruised, was it limp and forlorn?
How much had He pruned it, to bring it back to its form?
How much love had He spent to bring it around,
To the way that it looked, to be the gem that I'd found?

There in the garden, in that quiet, secret place,
Under His gaze, receiving His grace,
For whom, Christ in His passion, paid the ultimate price
It got me to wondering, it made me think twice.

Am I content to be, is it enough for me
To be a rose that only You will see?
There's so much I could do for You, in some other place
Is it enough for me to be here, under Your gaze?

Will I let You prune me, to bring me around
Allow You to form me, like the gem that I found?
If nobody ever sees, and nobody ever knows,
am I content, just to be, Your hidden, scarlet rose?

Photo courtesy of our dear friend, Suzy, who loves roses and other flowers, and for whom roses have been a symbol of God's faithfulness in her life. 

A FRESH SEASON, A FRESH PERSPECTIVE

When we left here, eleven weeks ago, things were pretty dry, on many levels.  

We'd just come through a very hot, dry summer and things were not looking good here.   My hubby was just starting to hand-feed stock as we left.    We were in serious need of rain. 

But, it was not just outside.   Things inside were strained and difficult and dry too.  

But, the green I see outside now reminds me that there is always hope, always potential for new growth, for things to change and improve and to actually flourish.   God's desire is for us to do more than just survive.  

Sometimes, being away can give you a fresh perspective.   Coming back into our largish home, I can appreciate how much room there is here, and how many freedoms we enjoy here. 

The girls are appreciating all their toys and books in a new way.   Three year old Abi has wanted to pull everything out these first couple of days and play with absolutely everything all at once.    It seems to be a rather large and continual exercise in damage control, especially as my hubby had the house so tidy before our arrival.  

But, there's more freshness here than just a tidy house, a roast dinner to come home to, re-discovering our own space and toys.    There's a sense that God is up to something.  

The very first morning here, I stumbled across this passage in something I read:  
The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
the splendour of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the Lord,
the splendour of our God  Isa 35:1-2

I've noticed a few things since coming home, which I need to write down, so they don't blur into the background of mundanity again.  Things that need to change, things to be thankful for, things that need to be priorities, other things that need to be put in a different place and given a different measure of importance.   I hope to be writing about some of those. 

One thing that keeps jumping out though, is the need to be intentional, to get past that pull of gravity I mentioned in a previous article.

If we are stuck where things aren't right, we need to be intentional in getting past what keeps us there and what keeps taking us back there. 

So, this first, fresh week, I'm hoping that what stands out can be noted down and become inspiration for getting past that pull of gravity in this place.  

Perhaps in your place, the pull is different, the dryness is different, though its source is the same - sinfulness and decay, at the very core of everything. 

But praise God for grace - the power to get beyond the normal, the pull of that sinfulness and decay, the tiredness of same old, same old, and to get that fresh perspective and fresh inspiration. 

Praise God for the grace that is the force outside of ourselves to be more, aim higher, desire more, thirst for better.  The grace that not only saves us from ourselves, but forgives and redeems and renews and empowers.   

In Him (Jesus) we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us.  Eph 1:7,8

How Big Can I Grow?

Checking in at Five Minute Friday, where we write for five minutes on a given prompt, and this week we're writing about GROW.  

We went outside late yesterday to pick up all the large dried seed pods off the ground and put them in a bag for burning.  They make great fire starters.   Little Abi, who is 3, was keen to collect as many seeds out of them as possible, before relinquishing the pods to the fire pile.   She put all the seeds very carefully into her container.  

Looking at that tiny seed in her hand, it's hard to believe it could grow into a massive tree. 

The seed was so small to compared to even her small hand, and she was so tiny compared to that massive tree.  

How much did that seed grow and what happened along the way?  How many seasons has that tree seen?   How much was it sheltered in its early years?  How many storms has it endured?

How do we grow? 

We need the right conditions to grow so big and strong, yes, but I think we need to cooperate with Him. 

I guess seeds and trees don't get a lot of say about where they grow and how. 

But we do.  It seems we have a great deal to say about where we grow and how.  It's not Him that stops us from growing, because that's His desire for us.  He is a creative, life-giving, nurturing, growing God and He wants that for us.  

What stops us from growing?   What stunts our growth?    I guess circumstances, pain, abuse, rejection, lack of opportunities, illness - all these can stunt us, but not if we keep submitting those to Him.  I wonder if what really stunts our growth is not what happens to us, but what we hold onto - bitterness, unforgiveness, lies, self-protection, fear, pain, scars, idols, strongholds - I wonder if these are the things that stunt our growth, not what happens to us. 

I see this massive tree sheltering several nests and think about what He wants for us - to be a strong tree, rooted in Him, to stand tall and be a place of shelter and an example of His glory. 

It seems that in this verse from 2 Peter, we are commanded to grow, charged with growth like it is OUR responsibility to grow.  He is the Gardener, but we must cooperate.  

But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be glory both now and forever! Amen.   2 Pet 3:18

When Living Right Way Up is to Pass By - FMF

by Kath

The word 'pass' brings two immediate responses for me. 

The first is the phrase 'pass, thanks!' which is one of my cynical responses to an invitation to do something that I've tried hard at and has not been terribly successful, but rather painful.   That comment usually means I have no intention of trying to do again, nor to explain why I'm not, so please back off.  So, I'll leave that rather cynical response be - in fact, I'll pass on it.

But the other pass reminds of me of our exploration into learning German with my older girls when they were much younger.     

Könnten Sie mir bitte das Salz reichen?   That was how our German exchange student taught us to ask for the salt.   Literally, it translates as 'can you me please the salt pass?'.

Now, that's a little back to front, don't you think?   Well, I certainly thought so when I first heard it but it was perfectly normal to her.   In fact, she was still struggling with our English way of speaking, even after years of studying English, including the immersion method - studying many lessons in the target language.  She was a very clever girl, and yet she was struggling with our way of speaking.    She taught us normal, natural German and tried to teach us formal German and German grammar - now there's a challenge.  I found it challenging and the girls certainly did but we soldiered on and learn to speak it a bit and had a bit of fun along the way.   Today, we can speak it a bit and occasionally burst into German when certain things prompt us. 

But, it was all foreign to us.   We spent years learning it and speaking it in various settings, but really we only ever mastered the basics, because we were always drawn to English, drawn to our own culture, our own normal.  She was the foreigner in our English setting and wasn't with us for very long.  Perhaps if we had lived in a German culture, it would have taken more root in our lives.  

It reminds me that often God's ways seem so back to front, so wrong, so foreign to us, and we struggle to learn them and live them.   Perhaps we're just too grounded in our own culture, and don't want to live in His, for His ways to become normal to us.

Perhaps we need to pass more on this culture, and dive more fully into His, to live in His culture, to be uprooted from our own and planted into His. 

So, I'll pass thanks, not in cynicism, but I'll pass on those things that seem normal to me, but that He asks me to lay down so that His ways become mine.  

Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

P.S. If you would like to read more about our German Adventure, you can click here

 Linking up at Five Minute Friday