SOMEDAY, PERHAPS

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt is SOMEDAY.  

I sat and talked to the girls’ father yesterday.  He came to visit the girls for Miss 15's birthday.   

 

It started as a simple conversation about his accountant, who has caused all sorts of financial and legal issues for both of us.   

 

It developed into more, mostly "I don't understand why you left", yet again.   He still can't see what the issues are. Someday, perhaps he will.  

 

I think he wants to see, but unless he lets the Lord touch and heal his deep wounds from childhood, and change his core values, he won't see it, can't see it.   Perhaps, someday.   

 

Or not.   It's up to him.   

We ALL have that choice.   Nobody can make the choice for us, no matter how much they want to.  

 

We can move forward from broken and stuck if we want to.   The grace is there for that.  

 

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:7-10 

 

We can repent and be cleansed to live righteously. 

 

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.    1 John 1:9 

 

Jesus paid the price for that, came for it.  

 

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, 
Because He has anointed Me 
To preach the gospel to the poor; 
He has sent Me to heal the broken-hearted, 
To proclaim liberty to the captives 
And recovery of sight to the blind, 
To set at liberty those who are oppressed; 
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.” Luke 4:18,19 

 

We can learn what healthy looks like, if we'll let go of what we've believed and been shaped by. 

 

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.  3 John 1:2 

We can be transformed by Him, if we surrender.  

 

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Rom 12:2 

 

We can learn how to love if we will let Him remove the log jams and fill us with His love.  

 

.....that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height - to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19 

That's been my journey for the last three years in particular.   I’ve had to make hard choices, again and again, to let God do what He wants in my heart and mind and will. It’s not fun or easy or fast but it's been worth it.  

 

Like I told him last night, I don't doubt that he cares - I doubt his capacity to love with a heart that's so damaged.   For now, he is still not a safe person to live in close relationship with.  Someday - if he really wants it and will do the work – he could be.    

 

In the meantime, I will keep moving forward.  I am learning to live in trust and rest and in the light, not in the darkness of fear and impossible expectations, and an oppressive atmosphere. 

I like it out here in the light.   It's liberating and life-giving and possible.    

 

How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! 
Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, 
And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures. 
For with You is the fountain of life; 
In Your light we see light. Psalm 36:7-9   

 

Perhaps someday this man will be secure enough to stop hiding and masking and striving, and live in the light of real fellowship and relationship.    

I pray so.   

 

It's not a given.  I can't declare it loudly because I want it. It's his will and want-to that's involved.   

 

I can pray grace for him, and I do.  I can try and have respectful, safe conversations with him, with strong boundaries.  I can limit my exposure to the tired excuses and attempts to 'help'.   I can resist the temptation to help him.   I can recalibrate my perspective with the Lord after each encounter.  Doing all of that.   

 

I can hope and pray and encourage him to get the help he needs.   Someday, perhaps, he'll get the healing he needs to live the life the Lord wants for him, not what he's settled for.  I don't know.  It's not a given.   

 

Perhaps that's why the Lord showed me an open-ended picture of us walking separate paths.  I don't know the ending.  The Lord didn't show me, perhaps so that I realise that the ending is out of my control or ability to fix, as I like to do.   

 

But I do know that for now, I'm walking the path He has called me to, with my Good Shepherd, and what happens someday, or not, is in His hands.    

 

For today, not just someday, my life is about learning to walk in the rest that He reminded me of this morning, as I was recalibrating.  

 

 Trust in the Lord, and do good; 

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. 
Delight yourself also in the Lord, 
And He shall give you the desires of your heart. 

Commit your way to the Lord, 
Trust also in Him, 
And He shall bring it to pass. 
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, 
And your justice as the noonday. 

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him......... Psalm 37: 3-7 

I’ve had this song on repeat this damp, cold morning, in my car, and on my walk along the river. 

 

Above all powers, above all kings 
Above all nature, and all created things 
Above all wisdom, and all the ways of man 
You were here before the world began 

Crucified, laid behind a stone 
You lived to die, rejected and alone 
Like a rose, trampled on the ground 
You took the fall, and thought of me 
Above all 

You are my strength when I am weak 
You are the treasure that I seek 
You are my all in all