AN UNUSUAL WEEK

I’m writing for Five Minute Friday and this week’s prompt word is UNUSUAL. 

I’m coming at it a bit late because I’ve been away. 

I’ve been having an unusual week, actually.   

We’ve been on the coast for a long-awaited holiday.  

I’ve written four blog posts in the last week, not counting this one.  That’s rather unusual for me.  Most weeks, I’m struggling to write one.   

I left home with a heaviness that I’ve carried for many months.   I wish I could say it was an unusual heaviness – it wasn’t.   It’s been there for quite a while but a few things had compounded to make it unusually heavy.

There have been quite a few relationship issues with people in my close circle and honestly, most of them are unaware of how much I’ve been struggling on that one, or what with exactly.   I wasn’t sure myself.

There has been the ongoing legal battle, which got rather nasty just before Christmas, again, and was like another stab in the back.   Thankfully the battle itself is over and I can now move forward, financially.   Hopefully I can leave the emotional and spiritual baggage of that behind, but it’s never that simple, eh?   The financial stuff feels like the easy bit.  

And then my father passing away brought all sorts of stuff to the surface for me.  We weren’t close in the end, and that was his choice, but it was a catalyst for more processing.      

The Lord told me mid-January to get ready for a holiday, and to go in the last week of January, not to wait until February, which is when we usually go, because the accommodation is cheaper then.   It’s very unusual for me to plan a holiday in peak holiday season.  And honestly, I had no idea how we were going to afford it because we were down to our last week’s worth of rent. 

Everything shifted just two days before we were due to go, in the last available time slot that we had before we needed to be back here.   Everything fell into place at the last minute, in unusual ways. 

And so we went and I knew the Lord wanted me to get quiet with Him - a lot.   He wanted to shift and lighten that heaviness.   

When something is off, in relationships, all we can do is our part, and that’s what He started working on.  We can’t change someone else’s behaviour or their view of us.   We can change what we tolerate.   We can change our mindset.  We can learn what our expectations and frustrations are and what our part needs to be.  

Turns out, I had a lack mindset.   I grew up begging for scraps – scraps of time, money, effort, affection, clothes, etc.   While my marriage was financially more secure, the relationship was still one of begging for scraps of time and effort and affirmation.   But that was his childhood too.  You can’t give generously when you haven’t known generosity, just performance.  

You can’t give generously in any area of life when your own capacity is limited.  

Many of us have not known generosity in our key relationships.   We’ve known hardship, struggle, just getting by, just having enough, over functioning to receive anything.   Many of us have been taught and have taught that that is humility and holiness.  

But that’s not who God is.  That’s not the kind of relationship He wants with us.    That's not how He wants us to value ourselves. 

And this is not about the prosperity gospel.  This is about understanding the nature of God.  He is not a stingy God.   He is not a stingy Father.  It’s not about money.  It’s about a God who sees and a God who knows, and who is able and willing to give more than we can ask, think or imagine.  

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,  Ephesians 3:20

Is it unusual for us to live in that abundance?  I think for many of us it is, but it shouldn’t be.  

Just yesterday, my 13yo was reading this verse out loud to me from a mini-Bible she found on our travels.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.    Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.  Matt 6:33,34

Of course, before that key verse, that we’ve all heard and quoted, are many other verses of Jesus telling us about the Father’s intimate knowledge and love for us.  

Don’t worry about clothes.

Don’t worry about food.

Don’t strive after money.

Lay up treasures in heaven. 

But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.  Matt 6:6

The Father longs for us to be in the secret place with Him, and He longs to fill every need, restore every lack, be the strength of our capacity, and to stretch it to accommodate others. 

So if we have had a lack in any area of our lives, we need to get back to the source – the Father.  

For many of us, that is unusual.   Instead, we’ve learned to fill those lacking spaces with stuff, money, food (very acceptable addiction in Christian circles), entertainment, work (an applauded addiction), substances, and so the list goes on.   Most of those things aren’t evil in themselves but they should never be our source. 

I said in a previous blog post that we need to come to Him broken. 

I think we also need to come empty.

We need to recognize our emptiness and our lack.   That’s where things start to shift for us.  Because then, He gets to fill it, not something else, not somebody else.  

I can honestly say I’ve come home considerably lighter than when I left.   And it’s not just because the financial burden has lifted for now.   

Recognizing lack is painful, but it is the starting place to receive from Him.    He has poured into those empty places, some of them long-standing empty places, and things are shifting.  

it's been an unusual week, but it's been a good one, and a reset we all desperately needed.  

 

This song is a powerful reminder that He is the source of our abundance in every area. 

There is healing in the power of the Lord Most High
There is courage in the shadow of His wings
There is peace unending over all my life
There is freedom that washes over me

I find all I need here in Your presence, Lord
I open up my soul and You fill me up with
All I need here in Your presence, Lord
Where blessings overflow
There's always abundantly more

There is rest in the goodness of the Lord my God
There is treasure in the kindness of my King
There is comfort in knowing Your unfailing love
My Provider, You set my spirit free

More than I could ask or seek, more than I could fathom
God, Your love for me is better than I imagined