WHEN THE FOG CLEARS

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is COMPLICATE. 

Long-term trauma tends to complicate relationships.   Often we spend our lives living in fight or flight mode and don't know it.   We live on high alert, looking for trouble in current relationships, and it's not hard to imagine trouble, even when it's not there.   That overriding concern and fear is like a fog that just hangs over your relationships all.the.time.  

After a major meltdown with someone recently, I got to asking the Lord, 'Why?!'

'Where did all that crap come from?'  

'What's the fear that was behind the meltdown?'

'Why is that fog there all.the.time?' 

And He started to show me what complicates our relationships, why I've been on high alert - for years - and that it needs to stop because it will do damage, has done damage.  

Being abused and attacked by a father who's supposed to protect you - that tends to complicate current relationships. 

Being rejected and neglected by a mother who's supposed to be your safe place - that tends to complicate current relationships.

Being the 'strong one' in significant relationships from a young age - that tends to complicate current relationships.

Being unable to lean on emotionally immature parents, even as an adult - that tends to complicate current relationships.   

Being ignored, mocked and dismissed by your spouse for many years - that tends to complicate current relationships. 

Being betrayed by pastoral people in previous churches - that tends to complicate current relationships. 

Being betrayed by close friends in previous seasons - that tends to complicate current relationships.  

Blaming yourself for everything that your kids are struggling with - that tends to complicate current relationships.  

Being a single parent - that tends to complicate current relationships.

But none of these complications are beyond God's grace, as I have discovered this last week.  

When we bring the mess and the complications to Him, in honesty, when we follow the practice James gives us, it clears the fog and creates a new pathway forward.   

Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.   James 5:16

But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.   1 John 1:7

In that place of confession and honesty, the enemy's lies are revealed, truth wins, forgiveness flows, grace pours into those cracks and crevices, healing can happen, fellowship is restored and strengthened.   

And when we surrender the fears that we have clung so tightly to, to protect ourselves from more trauma, that tends to uncomplicate current relationships.  

I'm incredibly grateful for friends and pastors and church family who live God's grace.   

I sought the Lord, and He heard me,

And delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant,

And their faces were not ashamed.

This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,

And saved him out of all his troubles.   Ps 34:4-6  

Fear complicates.   Confession and honesty and surrender clear the way for healthy relationships.

My homework this week is to name the fears, each one, bring them out into the open, and surrender them to Him under whose wings I can take refuge.   No more self-protection, no more hiding or masking or questioning . 

Guarding my heart - yes. 

Self-protection - no.

Looking for problems - no.  

Trusting Him to show me if there's a real problem - yes.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,

Like a weaned child with his mother;

Like a weaned child is my soul within me.  Psalm 131:2 

You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You.

Trust in the Lord forever,

For in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength.  Isaiah 26:3  

A friend shared this beautiful song with me.   So timely and so helpful.  I have it on repeat.   

My heart’s been in the wild

And somewhere it got lost

I built these walls around me till

I couldn’t see the cross

When all I loved had left me

Somehow You still stayed

Adopted in this orphan

And washed away my stains

So I will wait for You

I will wait for You

Oh I know You're working all things for my good

So I’ll  trust You in this valley

I  know that You’re still God