Monday, 1 September 2025

HE SAW BEHIND MY CLOSED DOORS

This poem is the story of my 'Christian' marriage of 30+ years and my exit from that marriage.    

This is MY story, my experience.   Not everyone is called out, not everyone should get out.   

Everyone's situation is different.     Sometimes He gives you the grace to stay; sometimes He gives you the faith to go.  Sometimes He gives you the grace to stay for a time, and THEN He calls you out.   

We have to listen to Him as to what to do in our specific situation.   He will show us if we will listen and surrender what we think and what we want to His higher purposes.   

It took two years for the Lord to convince me that it was not only okay to get out, but it was actually the right thing to do.   It has taken another two years for Him to show me why it was necessary.   

Many times I have wished it wasn't my story, but it is and I know it will be for others, so I hope this helps somebody who is asking the hard questions.   

It was written as the natural ending of another blog post, BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, for the Five Minute Friday writing prompt word - BEHIND.   


Who is this Father?

Who sees behind my closed doors,

Who knows exactly how things are

beyond how they seem,

how they look,

what they should be,

what I’ve tried so hard

to fix and sustain and endure,

Who sees that it must change




 














Who is this Father?

Who sees the wounds behind the masks,

behind the performance

behind the ‘I’m fine’,

Who sees behind the dysfunction

to the pain

that drives the busyness,

Who sees the fear

that makes me afraid

to leave

 

Who is this Father?

Who sees behind the numb smile,

the sad eyes,

the unhealthy body,

the extra weight,

the chronic tiredness,

Who sees the disappointment

and the resentment

that have led to despair

and depression

and thoughts of suicide

 

 

Who is this Father?

Who sees behind

the comfortable setting,

the nice house,

the steady income,

the endless possessions,

the mindless entertainment,

Who sees the shallow relationship,

the broken trust

the lonely days

 

Who is this Father?

Who sees the broken promises,

the wounds from harsh words,

the impact of cold silence,

the cost of perfectionism,

the loneliness of busyness

the sacrifices made to idols,

Who sees the broken dreams,

the walls around hearts

and shattered expectations

 

 

Who is this Father?

Who calls me out

to do more than survive - 

to live,

to thrive

to grow

into all He called me to be,

Who says ‘enough - 

get out of the boat,

out of the familiar,

and walk on the waves

because I AM is here’

 

 

Who is this Father?

Who is restoring my soul

into all He designed

and purposed it to be,

beyond man’s shaping,

beyond his ideals,

and expectations,

and well beyond mine,

Who has lifted my head

from the failure,

the shame,

the guilt,

and the hopelessness

that became the rut

I was stuck in

 

Who is this Father indeed?

In losing so much,

all that was hidden behind

the doors of my Christian marriage,

I found Him,

And He is enough.

 

O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.

I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel;
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will rest in hope.   Psalm 16:5-9




Oh God you are,
All that You say You are
You never change, You never failed, You'll never fail
Oh God You are
Faithful in all Your ways
Forever You stand, forever You reign, forever remain
We shall not be shaken

We shall, We shall not be shaken
We shall, We shall not be shaken
When all around is sinking sand

For You are, You are never changing
You are, You are never changing
You stand, the Great I AM

The Great I AM

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