HEY, I'M DYING OVER HERE!

I'm writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is LONGING.  

My poor citrus tree is longing for a drink.

I didn't notice how thirsty it was till yesterday.    We were away and the last two weeks have been very hot. Everything is drying off. 

This poor little tree is in my care and I didn't see how dry it was.    Its leaves are curling up which is never a good sign.    

I have watered down the back but it’s obviously missed out on getting what it needs.  

It reminds me of times in my life where I have been longing for some kind of attention, fellowship, connection, ministry, help, wisdom, encouragement, some kind of nurture.    Just to be seen and noticed, not just for my fruit (usefulness) but because I'm struggling.  

We can be longing and yet still not be seen, because we’re still producing fruit, still there, in the background, still part of the everyday structures in someone’s sphere of responsibility, and yet our dryness, our longing, can go unnoticed.    Sometimes we can be longing because we’re hiding behind usefulness, performance, stoicism, the mask of ‘I’m fine!’    Sometimes it’s because the ‘gardener’ is busy, distracted, tired, frustrated or just neglectful.  

This little tree sits at the back of my yard and is only just within reach of my rather sad hose, that is a pain in the neck to manage because it keeps breaking and coming off the tap.    So it’s hard to meet this tree’s needs.

But that doesn’t mean this longing little tree should be neglected.  

Why have I neglected it?   I’ve been surviving.  I’ve been distracted.   It’s been hotter than usual.    I just don’t go down that way much, though it’s not far from my clothesline.    But I noticed how dry it was because I stood in a different spot to normal.  

It leads me to realise that when we feel unseen, unnoticed, unheard, longing for some kind of connection from someone who ‘should’ notice us, because we’re in their sphere of responsibility, maybe we could pray that the Lord has them stand in a different spot, to get a fresh perspective on things, to realise, to see.  Maybe we need to just stop producing fruit, stop performing, stop striving, and just sit and wait for them to realise we’re quiet, we’re longing, we’re dry, we’re struggling.   Maybe we need to get honest enough to say, ‘Hey, I’m struggling over here!’   Sometimes that’s the correct response.   Sometimes we need to recognize the incapacity of the steward, and move on.  

This little tree can’t pick itself up and go find another person’s yard.   There have been many plants in my life that honestly should have done that!!  

This little tree doesn’t belong to me, but I need to be a good steward of its care.   It belongs to my landlord and it’s part of my agreed sphere of responsibility while I live in this house.   I’ve been trying to keep the lawn alive during this heat wave, but I have missed this poor little tree.  

I can relate to both the tree and the gardener in this scenario.  They both have responsibilities.   This poor tree is running out of oomph and I need to step up. 

If this little tree is me, my responsibility is to dig deep, yes, and be like the tree mentioned in Psalm 1.   I absolutely need to do that.  

He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.  Psalm 1:3 

A few years ago I would have left it at that, and put all the responsibility back onto me to solve this problem.     But if the Lord has placed me in a certain spiritual garden, then I need to recognize if my needs are consistently neglected and do something about it, rather than stoically ‘dying’ and becoming bitter and resentful.  

I need to sing out (my tree can’t do that) and I need to pray, and I need to come honestly to the gardener and say, yet again if necessary, or for the first time, ‘Hey, I’m dying over here!’   If that kind of admission is met with dismissal or judgement or abuse of power, then it’s time to find a new garden.   That’s something that everyone has to pray long and hard about, because it’s not something that should be done reactively or quickly or resentfully. 

The Lord desires that we are nourished, nurtured and are thriving, and then able to produce fruit, and not just surviving and certainly not slowly dying.   That was a revelation to me and gave me hope for the way forward. 

The Lord has directed me to these verses again and again over the last five years and they have given me a lot of hope when I thought I was ‘done’. 

The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree,
He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.

Those who are planted in the house of the Lord
Shall flourish in the courts of our God.

They shall still bear fruit in old age;
They shall be fresh and flourishing,

To declare that the Lord is upright;
He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.   Psalm 92:12-15

I went looking for a song about growth and nurture in the context of being part of a church ‘garden’ or family, and this old one came up.  I grew up on Psalty and the words don’t lose their meaning because they’re decades old.   

May we be to those in our gardens what they need us to be, within the limits of our God-given responsibility, and may we have the courage to put our hands up and say, if necessary, ‘Hey, I’m dying over here!’.   

Welcome to the family,
We are glad that you have come
To share your life with us,
As we grow in love,
And may we always be to you
What God would have us be,
A family always there,
To be strong and to lean on.


May we learn to love each other
More with each new day,
May words of love be on our lips
In ev’ry thing we say.
May the Spirit melt our hearts,
And teach us how to pray,
That we might be a true family.