I'LL JUST BE QUIET

I am writing for Five Minute Friday and this week's prompt word is SCENE.  

This is the scene that meets me most days, usually in the early morning before too many people are up and about.    

Even on a freezing cold morning, I am here.  

Sometimes, this scene is lit up by the morning sun, or the setting sun.  

 

It's one of my favourite places to be.  

Sometimes, I gather sticks at this scene, to start our fire.

Sometimes, I just walk, listening to worship songs.

Sometimes, I walk fast, kick stones and cry.   

Sometimes, this scene soothes my troubled soul.   There's apparently something about water that soothes the soul and helps us to recalibrate.   Perhaps it's because water reminds us that He is bigger, bigger even than the river.    Perhaps it's because He desires to lead us beside quiet waters.  

He's more powerful than its power.   But He's also calmer than the churning water.   

There's something about His power and the sound of running water that brings calm.     

It helps me get quiet.   

I was back at this scene yesterday, once again battle weary, kicking stones in frustration, frustration with myself mostly.   

I was battle weary, am battle weary.   The enemy has been hammering me lately, once again trying to shut me down, shut me up, keep my mind and emotions in chaos.

I had a dream the night before, a nightmare really, that took me back to a familiar scene, one that was played out many, many times, in past seasons, for different reasons, but always with the same effect - to keep me quiet, shut down, passive, weak, submissive to things not godly.

Turns out that the fear of retribution, punishment, repercussion was behind the chaos.   Sadly, fear is often rooted in real experience, previous trauma, often repeated trauma, so it gets a decent foothold and tends to take over or pop up when you least expect it.   And the enemy knows how to push buttons, stir up a storm, this time with the drama of a lost key.   It all took me to a very dark place that was hard to crawl out of.   

So, I came back to this scene to find solace, and talk to a trusted mentor and friend.   She was able to discern what was behind the chaos, and how to move forward.   

It's time to trust what I'm hearing from Him, even if it doesn't align with what I've been told and trained to believe, even what I've told myself about myself - for years.    

And it's time to stand up for what's right, to do what's right, to do it afraid, if necessary.   

It's time to stand my ground, to believe what He says, and let Him fight the battles that ensue when I stand my ground.  

So, while the battle rages around me and often within me, I will come back to this scene often and get quiet with Him, and remember who He is - even the winds and the waves obey Him!! 

But as they sailed He fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water, and were in jeopardy.    And they came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!”

Then He arose and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water. And they ceased, and there was a calm.     But He said to them, “Where is your faith?”

And they were afraid, and marvelled, saying to one another, “Who can this be? For He commands even the winds and water, and they obey Him!”  Luke 8:23-25   

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,

Like a weaned child with his mother;

Like a weaned child is my soul within me.  Psalm 131:2

Here, we go again my mind, racing

And I can't seem to win

All these crazy thoughts and feelings

It's like it never ends

Until Your voice, breaks through my noise

I know I'm not alone, I'm not alone

You will fight my battles, if I will just be still

Why would I keep running, when You're right here?

I'll just be quiet

Let You speak through the silence

Here I am, no more hiding

You are, in this moment, I won't fight it

I'll be quiet

Away with the distractions

I wanna hear what's true

The only words that matter

They come from You